Cant go on like this anymore

[musicmummy]

Have changed my name for this post

I feel so crap. I have a ds who is nearly 9 months, and I have PND. I have been on ads for about 8 weeks, and I still feel like shit most of the time. DP refuses to talk about my PND, my mum doesn't want to know, and I hate myself. I feel like such a failure. I have a degree, and all I have done nothing with it. I work part time in a pub, which hardly needs any level of education, and I look at my friends who are a similar age, who have achieved so much in their lives, when all I have done is got fat! I know that having ds is such a great achievement, but I feel like i am letting him down. We have some serious money issues at the momnet, and DP is putting pressure on me to work more hours, but he still wants me at home with ds. I can't physically do anymore, as I am so tired. I am having great difficulty sleeping at the mo, and am finding it hard to function. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and disappear. I don't think I am doing anyone any good and am seriously contemplating running away. Ds and dp could do so much better than me.

Sorry to ramble. I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

Musicmummy, so sorry you are feeling this way. Your dp and ds need you, don't feel like their life would be better off without you, it wouldn't! Depression is a nasty think and can succeed in making you feel ike a total failure when you are anything but. I would suggest going back to the doctor and telling them the ADs aren't working, maybe you can try some other ones. Also does your dp know how you feel?

yes, I have tried talking to him, but he's very dismissive. I have found it easier just to put on a front around my family/friends anyway, as I am just not worth the worry. They all have thier own problems

Go backj to the GPs and talk to him.her. you are not superwoman. You may need your Ads changing and it might be useful for you to speak to a counsellor.

You are not just fat. Alot of us have qualifications and do manual type work. Your baby wont be a baby forevere and you will be able to go on and do other things, may even be able to do very soon. What is importnat is that you get your mental health in check. make yourself an appointment at the GPs this morning and go and see him and tell him how you are feeling

I know its really defeatist and self indulgent, but I cant help feeling what's the point? I just freel so low that I don't think I can get back up again.

I'm looking at DS now and I think he deserves somone so much better than me as a mum.

Sorry, I won't post anymore about this, I should probably just count my blessings.

you can post all you like. You are depressed, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Were your Ads working before? do you feel you have got owrse? better? or neither?

I got better for a bit, but I feel much worse now that when I did before I went on them

Musicmummy, sorry I disappeared for a bit, had to feed dd. My sister is on ADs and I know from her experience that she felt worse before it got better. It is definitely worth seeking counselling too.

You will always have Mumsnet and there are lots of women on here who have been through the same thing.

could you check with your pharmacist whether that should be the case? i am sure they are only suppossed to get worse for the first two weeks and then you notice an improvement. maybe you need different ones or a higher dose?

Please check as it is no fun for you feeling like this, you poor thing