Yesterday I rang Alcoholics Anonymous

[TooMuchDrink]

and told my husband and my Mum I think i am an alcoholic. Yesterday morning I thought I was going to die. It wasnt a hangover, I was totally consumed with panic about everything. I rang up AA and thankfully they managed to calm me down. I have been worried for ages and ages that I have a problem and yesterday I went as far as to frighten myself so much that I thought my gorgeous children would be left without a mother.

Today I am going to the GP as I cannot cope with my nerves anymore and things are just too much. I thought my husband would be angry with me but he came home and sat on the sofa and held me in his arms for hours. My Mum is here now and she is still saying "it is not the drink"

is it? i have no idea

My God, what a brave step. Glad you had DH to cuddle you - it's probably a brave step for him, too. If you think it is, then it probably is. Do you want to tell us any more? If not, you've made a wonderful first step, anyway.

well done u ((((hugs)))) u've taken the first steps, glad DH gave u a big cuddle. be brave and hope things get better from here on for you. well done again.

I just feel so sick, still so full of panic. I just cannot believe I let things get this bad and that I am still confused as to whether I am an alcoholic or not. I know for definate I have a problem. It's so hard, but I frightened myself so much and I know I owe it to my kids and my husband to get better. Still cant believe I am writing this down

There are some questionnaires on the web like here that might help you get some perspective on this. Hope it helps. If not, tell me to shut up! Good luck, I think you're very brave.

Even if it turns out you are not an alcoholic you obv have some issues - this is the first step in feeling better. Well done - admitting the problem (whatever it is) is the first and hardest part.

Glad your DH and Mum are so supportive.

Good luck.

Yor relationship sounds wonderfully strong and i hope guides you through. Good luck.

Hi TMD - Like others have said you have done a really brave thing in reaching out for help from AA .Only you can say whether the drink is the problem or not. Did anyone from AA suggest going to a meeting? You don't have to be an alcoholic to go there, you just need to have the desire to stop drinking.

Toomuchdrink, well done on confronting your problems.
I remember having similar panic attacks, and genuinely believing that if I went to sleep, I would die.
That was when I was suffering from depression, and it was made worse by the fact that I was reacting to food colourings.
You can, and will beat these problems. Just get all the help you need from AA and from your doctor to get better. Good luck, and keep us informed!

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My Mum thinks I am having a nervous breakdown. AA have suggested I go to a meeting. They rang me five times yesterday to check I was ok. I have to see the GP tommorrow morning now, hopefully it will be ok and he will refer me for some therapy for my nervousness. Started to think I over reacted yesterday but how can you over react to digestive system being in such disarray and your mind being somewhere else.

The panic attack's were just unbelievable. i have never ever experienced anything like it in my life

TMD if you woke up without a hangover and had this panic attack, what made you think it was because you were an alcoholic? Panic attacks happen for all sorts of reasons. I don't know your drinking habits obviously, but I would start with your Doctor rather than AA. Well done for confronting it anyway, I hope you soon feel a lot better xx

TMD - panic attacks are a very common occurance in alcoholics - particularly when coming off alcohol. I would advise you to go to your GP and be totally honest with him/her about your drinking. I would also urge you to go to an AA meeting. There you will be able to hear other alcoholics talk about their experience and you can see whether you identify with them. It is better to be going to AA wondering if you are an alcoholic than sitting at home, drinking and trying to convince yourself you are not.

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I had copuous amounts to drink countessdracula, but it wasnt a hangover in the typical sense iykwim. I dont get hangovers anymore which is a worrying thing also. Not sure I get drunk. I think I go from being totally sober to passing out on the bathroom floor every single time I drink, if I am honest. I am not going to see my GP about my drinking, I am going to see him about my increasing nerves which feel awful and uncontrollable.

The man from AA just said if I go to at least 4 meetings I will know myself whether I am or not. I have done those surveys before on the internet and they all say I am in serious trouble with alcohol. I think i am writing all this down to help remind myself that I do feel like this and that it isnt all in mind, I dont know just feel I need to read it myself

I think you are right rickman. I think I need to deal with everything

TMD, do you wake up ... perspiring? Or even sweating? That's a sure sign. I think you probably know yourself, without us asking you, if you've been drinking too much. Feel free to CAT me. Though I'm a long way from turning the corner, I'm a bit of the way there, and send you my love.

TMD, that was really cheesy. But you get my sentiments, I hope

TMD - I believed I was having a nervous breakdown. I had no idea it was the drink until someone confronted me about it. Other close friends tried to convince me I wasn't an alcoholic (I think acknowledging I had a problem might have meant they needed to look at their own drinking). I had horrific panic attacks, no self esteem and was a nervous wreck 4 years ago. Today I haven't had a drink, have no desire for a drink and and have more self esteem than I've ever had in my life. Life isn't a bed of roses though, believe me - 2 months ago I discovered that my DH has an addiction of his own which he's now dealing with. It was horrendous when I made the discovery that DH is an addict too(not drink or drugs), probably one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, especially as I have a DD aged 6 but never once through the whole episode did I want or need a drink. That's a miracle because I needed a drink every day 4 years ago. Once I put the drink down I found I was no longer depressed, suicidal, anxious or unhappy. Drink was the problem not everyone/thing else. Alcoholism is an illness. Active alcoholism is horrendous, but today I can hold my head up and feel no shame in calling myself a recovering alcoholic.

Thanks carla and lydiasmum, it really does help to know others especially others with children. Yes I do wake up sweating carla. I am still having the runs today, sorry to be graphic, but it is awful like nothing I have ever experienced and I have given birth to children! My bottom is bleeding. My panic attack lasted ages, I lay on the bed twitching and shaking for ages, worrying that if I didn't get to hospital soon I was going to have heart or liver failure. I honestly felt like that. I went completely delirious. I felt I was going to die alone with the kids around and I started wondering if I should go and sit on a bench in town or in the park so i would die in daylight and the kids would be with people. I dont know what I was thinking, it was just awful, really really awful. i just felt really scared and I never want to go to that place ever again Thats when I rang AA and this man helped me get perspective told me it sounded like I had a touch of alcohol poisoning and to drink plenty of sugary tea and get some vitamin B and overdose on it.

There may be help available locally on the NHS for you - professional counselling for those with drug and alcohol problems. Some people don't like the AA approach or it could work well in tandem. A "friend of mine" used to have this problem and that was how she got over it. Was the best thing she ever did in her life and she never drinks now - there is so much more to life...

It is hard to say from what you have posted whether you are alcoholic or just super-anxious. Post-binging (I know from experience) can be accompanied by anxiety.
I reckon that if YOU think you are an alcoholic, you probably are. Don't be guided by other people's standards. If you are really worried, just TRY a few AA meetings. Just a few! You don't have to keep going if you think it is awful. If you do not like the first group you check out, then try another. There is quite a difference from group to group, especially on the degree of religious emphasis: some AA meetings have a definite 'churchy' feeling, while others are very much into the idea of 'God as we understand Him (or Her)'. There are plenty of atheists and agnostics in AA. Non-believers can take their group, or their sponsor, as their 'higher power'.
I myself do not really fit the AA module - I drank very heavily for years, and stopped for about a year with AA. Then I relapsed. Then I got pregnant and stopped drinking on the strength of that. Now my dd is 2.6 and I drink moderately. I suspect my attitude towards alcohol is not altogether healthy, but my ethos is that as long as it is not interfering with her well-being, or putting her at risk, or causing me to neglect her, and as long as I do not feel out of control, then it is okay for me to drink sometimes.
I might be wrong - who knows - I may yet slip back into bad patterns. Probably I should not drink. But as my life is manageable and my daughter happy, I do not give myself hell about having a glass of wine while cooking dinner, or getting a bit tipsy if I am out somewhere (and dd is being minded by someone else, of course!)
When you go to an AA meeting, they will tell you that alcoholism is an illness with no cure, but one that can be managed through working the AA 12 step programme. It absolutely does work if you are really and truly committed. You will meet some lovely, empathic people and have some wonderful human encounters that (surprise!) are not fuelled by alcohol.
I would give it a go if I were you - you have nothing to lose!

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