Does anyone have a dh or lived with someone with PTSD?

[dolcegusto]

I could really use some advice, or just a chance to offload.

My dh has recently been diagnosed with PTSD following a nasty car accident last year.

He's waiting for counselling through occupational health, and it kind of helps as I can understand that the symptoms he's suffering now have an explanation, but he's so hard to live with.

He's bad tempered, has very little patience with the dcs, and can't stand any kind of mess in the house. I've done some research and I know that these are all symptoms of PTSD, he also has what he calls 'numb brain' where his mind goes blank, and he seems to completely disengage.

I've found myself walking on eggshells around him, never knowing what kind of mood he's going to be in.

At the moment, he's stuck in a traffic jam on the M5 after going to pick up the dds from my mum, and I know he's tired after working all day and then having a really long drive, but he'll take it out on me as I could have picked them up, but as he finished work before me, we agreed that he would go.

I feel like crying now because I was looking forward to having the house to myself for a bit but I just feel on edge waiting for him to get back.

I want to be able to support him, but it's so hard, I never know what mood he'll be in, and if it's a bad mood, he won't speak to me, just sit in front of the tv all night.

Hello, I'm so sorry for you. Its very hard walking on eggshells for someone else no matter what might be bothering them. I think you should let your dh know that while you understand he is in a difficult position he must learn not to take it out on you and his dc. In return you should give him space, within reason, when he needs it. You could perhaps develop a signal? If the signal is given you then let him go off for an hour or so. Of course he then has to come back a slightly more calm person.

My dp is x-military and is struggling with some PTSD symptoms. In his case, as it has been many years now, he has recurrent dreams (very bad where he sometimes scares me quite a bit but wont go into detail here) and is quite moody. He can be very down at times or very irritable and this is linked with periods where he sleeps poorly, frankly because he's scared to go to sleep when his dreams are very frequent and of course he thinks about the experiences during the day too. As an observer it seems to me like he is 'unsettled', as if he can't shake a feeling of impending doom. And I can see how that paired with lack of sleep can lead to grumpyness and detatchment. So I understand that it must be very difficult - and wouldn't want to go through something similar myself either.

However, as this has been going on for a good number of years I have to get on with life and I refuse to live in misery everyday so I have told dp that he needs to engage in family life. In return I let him go off for a bit when he needs it, and obviously am understanding and supportive generally. Trying to say that when the time is right you need to put down some rules for you and your dc's children. Don't forget though that while trying to be civil for the family is important part of your dh's reactions aren't voluntary so he may not be able to control lack of engagement or 'flash backs'. A good therapist should be able to help though and hopefully it wont be too long before you receive it. Good luck until then.