Posting in chat too- Need some help with how to help friend

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

Sorry if this isn't the right place

Right, Have known my best friend for 11y now (Since we were 10/11)

She hasn't by any means, had it easy, (For background)

Her DB is 29 but has the mental age of an 18 month old, he is doubly incontinent, cannot communicate properly and often gets aggressive. the stress because of him is huge

Her Mum is 51, and suffers from a form of Dementia, has done for 12y now, she asks questions over and over again, cannot understand basic tasks (Or can but refuses to IYGWIM) and can also be violent (She has hit me in the past)

Her dad has a variety of health problems including Angina and high blood pressure, he has recently had an operation to remove cancer, he is extremly over protective of her (To a bizarre point) And very critical over her looks (He called her offensively fat and grotesque last week...she's a size 16 and gorgeous) hes very judgmental and not supportive

She has always been on the verge of depression...hates how she looks and miserable

But I;m worried...really worried about her...shes finished uni and hasnt got a job...she hasnt left the house in 3 weeks, she sleeps until 2/3pm every day, sits on her own in her room all day.

Shes having panic attacks over every little thing, she received a package of a free gift that she ordered but didnt read the small print and it said they would bill her for £60 in 4weeks...She was completely terrified...she couldnt breath...her dad ended up calling me to come over and calm her down...that took well over an hour...over something which shouldnt be a big deal

She terrified herself that she has breast cancer over a pain in her breast...doctor said everythings fine, but shes petrified

also over a small lump in her mouth...she believes its oral cancer and is PETRIFIED no matter what anyone says

She spent an hour sobbing tonight with me because shes so sad and miserable

I ended up at hers at 2am twice last week because she was having a panic attack

I genuinly think shes on the edge of a breakdown, I have no idea what to do or how to help her...Everyone I talk to says shes attention seeking but I know her and this isn't attention

She's terrified, sad, lonely and depressed and I don't know what the hell to do

Thank you if you've got this far

Poor poor lady.She has a lot on her plate.Would she consider seeing her GP do you think?

She was going to go tomorrow over the lump in her mouth, but she's backed out, saying she doesn't want to hear him say she has oral cancer

I'm literally at a loss as what to do tbh

Could you go to the doctor with her at all? Bit of moral support and prompt her with asking about counselling - I think that would be most beneficial given that her family situation may be contibuting to (causing?!) her anxiety/depression? Or if she won't go to the gp could you get her to phone someone like anxiety alliance and there are a couple of other anxiety helplines iirc.
You sound like a lovely supportive friend, I hope she manages to get some help.

Thank piggy :)

I have tried, I told her I would go with her to the GP about the lump on her lip and I said to her that she needs to talk to the doctor about the paranoia and how miserable she is, she completely agreed and I finally thought we'd got somewhere

But then she changed her mind saying she doesn't want to hear she has oral cancer.

Its 1 step forward 2 steps back!

I agree she needs to see a dr about what sounds like depression and anxiety. I have had a bit of this kind of health related anxiety when I had standard tests done in early pregnancy and was convinced they would find something terrible wrong with me and my baby. I was told by a dr at the time that it is really important to get help for this as it can spiral further out of control as your mind lurches from one anxious thought to the next.

Help is available, so I don't want you to panic, but she will probably need to be referred by her dr. It sounds like all the trauma from her family situation has just left her with huge anxiety, its perfectly understandable I think- tell her you really want to help her but she needs to talk to someone outside of the situation as well, because even when you reassure her, she then goes on to find the next thing to worry about and that is exactly how anxiety works.

You sound like such a great friend, glad she has that going for her if the family are so negative towards her.

Thanks Lela :)

Right now, although everything is not perfect at home, her dad is recovering well from his operation and the Cancer hadn't spread, her brother is slightly calmer (And has done some things recently that we were all amazed he could do :) ) and she isn't ill (iygwim) and financially they're not struggling right now (As much)

And I just think she is so used to always having something wrong in her life, thart now thing are so horrendous she cant allow herself to believe things are ok...she's just waiting for something to happen and her health must be it

I actually hope she is referred by her doctor, as strange as that sounds, I just think she needs to talk to someone that isnt me...she needs to hear from an outsider that things are ok...that she isn't dying of some dreadful disease and it IS ok to be happy

Thank you for your help :)

Hi, hope you can get your friend to see a dr about her mental state and get referred - she could talk about that and not her mouth with a gp?
Could you give her some phone line numbers to phone as well, so that she has other resources in the middle of the night. Samaritans is one, but there may be others in your area.

Also just a thought - would she feel more comfortable having a phone consultation with the gp? I think a lot of surgeries arrange these now.
also, a good site for info on anxiety/panic is www.nomorepanic.co.uk. It really helped me through a bad patch.