Could I be Bipola or just a personality disorder

[Bobstar100]

Hi I'm new

I have had depression on and off over 10 years. On a happy day I can be very witty, coming up with loads of jokes, can be very giggly. I find that I'm very excited and talk faster than normal. It is like my mind is working too quickly for my mouth to keep up. When I'm anxious or depressed I forget what I'm taking about half way through a conversation. Also on a happy day I'm very confident and feel I will be sucessful at anything I put my mind to. If I can't achieve this, it leads to a downward spiral and I can hit rock bottom. I feel a failure, have no self worth and on extreme days I think or try and commit suicide.
Before I had the children when I worked full time, I could have days or even months having productive days, able to multi task etc. Then I would have a trigger, like a work colleague being bitchy or an aggressive customer and then I would feel emotional and then the depression would start to take hold.
Then there would be days were I felt a empty sshell. I would lack confidence, would struggle to multi task, find it hard to concerntrate and find that my mind would drift away from what I should be doing, like Iwas in a day dream. My nicknames at work was Little Miss ScatterBrain and Miss Consientious, depending on what my work performance was like. I am being cared for by the community mental health team and waiting to see a doc, but worried they will not take my seriously and I'm going to struggle like this for the rest of my life. I just so worried they will not believe me, but I so need the help.

Ask your GP if you can get a course of good quality counselling from a highly qualified Psychologist.
If you can afford it, find one privately.

Look up a list on www.bacp.co.uk

Could be, or could be that you are depressed with periods of 'normal', which seem quite 'high' because you are used to depression. True bipolar is quite rare

Thanks for your replies. My CPN has suggested that I keep a mood diary, so when I see him next I should get some feed back whether I need another assessment for Bipola or Borderline Personaility Disorder.

Thanks for your replies. My CPN has suggested that I keep a mood diary, so when I see him next I should get some feed back whether I need another assessment for Bipola or Borderline Personaility Disorder.

I think there can be a lot of similarities.

You might find the MIND website helpful - certainly I was relieved when I read my symptoms on there!

Whichever you have, you will need a professional diagnosis to get the help you need. And please done think that it is "just" a personality disorder - many people find their lives almost unbearable when suffering form a PD, its not any less valid as a diagnosis than Bipolar.

Hope you can get the help you need, and keep on posting on here too. Getting out of the cycle of recurrent depression is hard, but rreally worthwhile

i live with bdp and its horrible. i never know what mood i going to be in one min to the next, spending sprees,suicidal acts, self harming,crying,shut myself way,it could be anything at any sec its horribe. i believe bipolar and bdp are very smuluar ood luck

Borderline is distinguished from bp in a number of ways, and it is possible and quite common to have both - particularly since advent of the bipolar spectrum, with maybe one and a bit people in every two hundred having bipolar one (full blown manic episodes with/without depressions, usually requiring hospitalisation) and about one or two in a hundred having bipolar two (depressive episodes with bouts of hypomania) and then conditions like cyclothymia etc. So it's not uncommon.

Only a well qualified psychiatrist can diagnose these conditions. Treatments of choice for borderline are quite specialist and might be difficult to access, despite clear NICE guidelines: dialectical behaviour therapy is the current favourite and has been around the longest, mentalisation based therapy is promising as is schema focussed cbt. Wouldn't waste time with a nodding dog type counsellor who has no expertise in any of these therapies.

Lithium still gold standard for bipolar, there are various other combination or monotherapy choices if that doesn't work but the evidence for their long term use is weak or non-existant. Obviously steer clear of antidepressants until you have seen an experienced psychiatrist. Good luck.

Thanks everyone for your replies. They have been very useful. I'm on Citalopram 40mg and the last thread said stay clear of antidepressants. I have been on this dose for 4 weeks. I wonder if the meds is making me have manic behaviour ?

Do they tell you the long term risks of Lithium before they start you on it.

Personally, I think Lithium is harmful over a long period.