Depression, Only just realising it and have doctors app tomorrow!

[GoodDaysBadDays]

I have decided that I need to see my GP tomorrow and talk to her about depression.

I've just come to my senses and realise I need more help and I'm scared

I've been battling for over a year, I have stressful life one way or another and have put my anxiety, low feelings, sadness etc down to having a lot to cope with but now I'm realising that it's more than that. I've started having panic attacks - mostly when driving, and really can't cope with dc's. I've been keeping afloat for ages but I feel now I'm sinking. Dc's are getting shouted at and I physically shiver and shake when I feel they're being particularly demanding (they're not - it's me) and I have to walk away from my beautiful children asking me for a cuddle as at that moment I can't bear for them to touch me. It's horrible.

Some people on here have advised me to seek help before as have some in rl but I've just shrugged it off til now.

So why do I feel worse tonight than I have done for ages??!

I'm scared about going. I don't know what to say or where to start. What will they say and/or do?

I'm worried as dh isn't very supportive and although i've tried to talk to him he's very much 'oh you'll be ok - you have to be' I haven't told him about tomorrow, I couldn't bring myself to tell him only for him to be indifferent to it.

Can someone tell me I'll be doing the right thing? It feels like if I go it's making it real so it will get so much worse!

You are most definately doing the right thing.

Can you print your post off? It seems like it has the most salient points that you need to bring up with your GP...and that way you won;t get too flumoxed (as we all do) when dealing with GP's.

If you cant talk then at least you can show him your honest post (which is what you need to be telling him for help)

Good luck xx

I have found in my life that sometimes I have to hit rock bottom before I can ask for help. So I find the saying sometimes things have to get worse before they get better true.

I think you are right, it is probably the fear of not knowing what they will say/do that is making you feel worse tonight. I also find I tend to feel worse once I have admitted to myself how bad I have really got.

I have struggled with anxiety, panic attacks and depression since my early teens. I will be 30 this year so have had a lot more experience of it than I want to!

When you see your GP just start by telling them what you have told us in this post. They will take it from there and ask you questions to decide on what they think is the right course of action for you. Please be honest with them. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Not what you think they want you to say.

Does your DP really realise how you feel. Do you think he would be more supportive if he came with you and heard what you said to the GP, and what the GP suggests?

I think you have definatly made the right decision. This is the first step to getting you back to how you want to be. Please don't be hard on yourself. To me you sound like you have been doing really well even though you have been struggling. At the moment I can't even leave my house alone or take my eldest to school. I still count myself as a good Mum as my kids know they are loved and are safe and well looked after. I suspect yours are exactly the same.

Take care. Hope you can get some sleep tonight. Will you let us know how you get on tomorrow please.

GDBD, you're very brave to face up to the realisation you need some help and support, and then to make gp appointment for yourself. I really hope it goes well for you, and you get a good night's sleep beforehand.

I too have suffered from serious anxiety and depression since my teens, and have been lucky enough get the help I've needed with the help of my wonderful gp.

My advice echoes valpolicello: print your post off, or make notes of the points in it. Then be very straightforward with your gp, and tell him/her that you need help, and you need him/her to access that help on your behalf. This should help you to feel stronger, more assertive, and achieve what help you need, and your notes will help the gp see more clearly what your probs are, and what best help for you is.

I was scared like you, really really scared, but admitting to having real probs, and getting some help (in my late 20's/early 30's), was truly best thing I ever did. :) Good luck

Thank you

val I think I will print this off, though it'll be hard telling that stuff to a real person!

Don't know if dh knows how bad things are but he certainly knows I'm finding stuff hard. He knows i end most days in tears (doesn't see me cry, I told him a while ago) and he knows I'm struggling to keep on top of house / dc's etc but he wouldn't come with me - works too long hours anyway but wouldn't see the point even if i asked him.

tutu sounds tough for you, but sounds like you are managing it well. You sound very positive, that's a good thing to hear!

Some days I imagine being a lot worse, not getting out of bed in the morning, leaving dc's to their own devices, crying for hours into a bottle of gin. But I don't do those things - but I want to. It's not like I would enjoy those things, more like that's what I feel I should be doing but I'm fighting against it. It's sometimes like I'm watching someone else fall apart and just want to say 'sort yourself out woman'

God that all sounds really odd.

Thanks SDM too

I feel a bit more confident about going tomorrow now but more scared too, it all seems so long term, I just want it all to go away! I don't have any energy left for this

At worst..if you are feeling too bad to explain it, if you print your post off...just push it in front of the docs.

I know what you mean about a 'real' person...hence printing it all off is a good thing!

Trust me I've had those days....And I wished now I tried for help instead of floundering in the abyss of depression. I could have helped myself so much more...and I didn't.

Pleease don't let youself get to the horriblesness I got to

Good luck x

I'm having a positive day today, they are not always like that and I think that is another really good point to remember. You are going to get better, but there will be days when you feel worse and worry that you are going backwards, but then something will happen to make you realise that it may be small, but you are making progress.

Thank you. I will do it. I know I have to.

I've been. I nearly turned round and came home when I was walking across the car park and felt sick in the waiting room.

She was really nice, very thorough, I was in there ages

She did (i believe it was anyway) the edinburgh test and said i'd got a pretty high score that was indicating medication and she felt from talkng to me that was appropriate. I wasn't too keen but given me a low dose of citalopram and is going to review in 2 weeks.

She's given me details to self refer for counselling too but there's a long wait

I'm not sure how I feel now, a bit better and a bit worse all in one

Thanks for last night all of you

Well Done GDBD. This is the first step and you've done it. Don't be deterred by long waiting lists. Get your name down today. Hopefully by the time you get an appointment you will be doing better, but if not you've secured your place.

Have you spoken to DP yet?

I emailed him, thought i'd chicken out telling him face to face, I sent him:

Thought I'd email you as it's easier

Saw the gp today. I've got anti depressants.

Don't know what else to tell you, it's obvious, right?

It's been simmering away since dd was born, maybe a bit before, but I can't keep it under the surface anymore, it feels like it's all bubbling over.

Only a low dose for a week or two as I wasn't that keen but she felt i should have them. My score on the post natal 'test' was really high.

He replied that he was sorry to hear that and sorry he hadn't noticed.

He is in meetings lots of today so I'm hoping he may be a little more forthcoming tonight, but not holding my breath.

I feel it's better not to expect too much then I can't be disappointed!

GDBD, so glad to hear that you made it to your gp today, and especially that your gp was sympathetic, took you seriously, and gave you plenty of time to talk. And my congrats that you managed to e-mail dp too.

I really hope this evening goes well for you and for him.

Please be extra super kind to yourself this evening - well, every evening! - but especially this one. My guess is you've had a tough and tiring day.

I used to feel pretty exhausted, and kind of drained, when I was first facing up to my depression in my 20's; this surprised me because I think I had some expectation that I'd be thrilled and happy once I'd started trying to deal with my problems. Sometimes I did feel like this, but often felt tired, and I had to learn to be kind to myself.

Is your name down for the counsellor yet? How long is the waiting list? If you've scored highly on the gp's tests, can you be prioritized, or is it first come first served?

I grew very fond of the saying ' a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step' when I had counselling; it's still a saying that inspires me when I have bad times now. I hope your journey starts here. :)