Thought I'd got over this eating problem, but apparently not

[quaere]

Sorry, I just need someone to say all the right sensible things to me.

For the past few years I've had issues with my eating. I didn't have it as a teenager and I don't know where it came from. Six months ago my BMI was 17.4. I looked pretty thing. Friends worried, DP worried, doctor worried. I had a bit of counselling, but in the end it became counter-productive, because being labelled as having an ED just made me resigned to it, and also try to fulfil it more. So I decided the best thing was just to leave it with the counselling and concentrate on trying to eat more. I put on a couple of pounds quite quickly and was fine with that - BMI was 17.7 then. I thought I was happy to put on another few pounds which would bring it up to 18.5, the minimum healthy weight.

Anyway, weighed myself today and I have put on a couple of pounds. BMI now 18.1 (so still underweight). But I hate it. I want to lose it again. I feel that I'll be more comfortable if I could go back down to 7st 6 or 7, rather than the 7st 9 I am now.

So I kind of don't want to eat much this weekend. Logically, it feels like a slippery slope. I'm never going to make any progress.

Can someone say the right thing please, and make me not try to lose it?

What's bothering you in the rest of your life?

I'm a big fan of believing that if you deal directly with the real problems (like stress from school or relatives or work) that things like Eating Disorders are more likely to sort themselves out.

I'm 5 ft 5

My aim was to put on weight, but put it on as muscle. But just eating a lot (i.e. normal amount) feels like I'm doing something really reckless and out of control!

Life is a bit stressful at the moment, about to start a new job (big break, mustn't fuck it up) which involves moving as well. Also, relationship isn't great and about to end, I think. But my issues predate all this

Have a look at the Beat website. Do NOT allow yourself to get any thinner - you will look ugly and you will harm your body. A BMI of under 18.5 is already pretty skeletal.

Why do you want to lose the weight? Do you think you will look prettier if you are thinner? If you think that then look at some photos of anorexics and ask yourself if that is really where you want to be.

I am sorry to talk so directly but anorexia is a pernicious disorder that will rule your life if you let it and you are in a position to NOT allow this to happen. Out of all the mental disorders it has the highest death rate at 25%. If you lose more weight you will be losing heart muscle and bone mass. Your kidneys could begin to fail.

A friend of a friend who had anorexia at 18 has just died from a heart attack at 30 :-(

Aim to be in the healthy BMI range of 20-25. Please, please, please.

I do think I look prettier when thinner. I have never been heavier than 8 st 5, even when I had no issues - but I still felt a bit chubby. I tend to put on weight on my tummy and boobs which makes me look apple-shaped and I hate that.

When I met DP I was 8st 5, and he says he prefers me that weight.

It feels like a constant battle between how I want to look/feel and the costs to my physical health.

I have been taking the approach you suggest sciencebint (love the name) and it gets me through most times, i.e I don't lose anymore weight, but sometimes it falls apart a bit

Your DP has no reason to be untruthful. Believe him. It is hard but you can do it.

I know he has no reason to lie. I don't think he realises the extent of the problem, but he has said he knows I have 'anorexic tendencies'. Whenever we got out to dinner I can usually only eat half of it, as I feel so full which I think is because my stomach has shrunk. Even if I eat a big meal I will 'balance it out' by eating less the next day

I do think you need to tackle body image issues, Quaere. Having some curvy squishy bits is attractive -- exceedingly attractive as far as most men are concerned. They like those soft bits on girls (they'd be with a guy otherwise).

Having some squishy bits means having some fat on you which means having some reserves to deal with stress or illness or even just a cold day. A healthy weight is a huge range, it's not like there's some fine line you must not cross.