I just dont think I can carry on anymore...its all getting too much

[Nemo1977]

hi
I am so fing fed up today. I have had enough of constantly feeling like this and everything seems to be constantly going wrong for me. I have a lovely ds who is 22mths but winds me up something chronic and i am 24wks pregnant. I just dont know if i can carry on depression is just all absorbing although i am not on medication at the moment. I have got financial probs coming out my ears..i have already been phoned this morning to be told i am being taken to court by someone. My tax credits have been stopped and i physically cannot afford to pay my bills and feed my son. I do live with my husband but he is not earning a lot and we really are in a dire state. I wanted this baby soo much but now dont know how i am going to pay for it.I just cant see anyway out and dont know where to go from here. I have a cpn who was visitng weekly but she is heavily pg so has reduced her hours..fair enough but now i just feel like i am floating with nowhere to turn. sorry for going on probably wasting peoples time

You are not wasting anybody's time, we have had severe money probs so I know how difficult it is. Have you tried Citizens advice?

Hey,listern here,you are not wasting anybodys time..And although I dont know you in a face to face mannor,you are a great mum,whos ds loves very much{like lots of other people}.....
I wont pretend that i have had it easy either But sometimes you have to grap hold of your life with both hands,we were put here to try and give it our best shot,and that is what you are doing,whether it feels like that is another story.....

Things will get better,maybe not straight away but at least you are doing all that you can to turn things around,but they will soon and then you will just get by....I know its not much fun at the moment but hang in there,who knows whats around the corner?

Hey,listern here,you are not wasting anybodys time..And although I dont know you in a face to face mannor,you are a great mum,whos ds loves very much{like lots of other people}.....
I wont pretend that i have had it easy either But sometimes you have to grap hold of your life with both hands,we were put here to try and give it our best shot,and that is what you are doing,whether it feels like that is another story.....

Things will get better,maybe not straight away but at least you are doing all that you can to turn things around,but they will soon and then you will just get by....I know its not much fun at the moment but hang in there,who knows whats around the corner?

opps,now you have no choice but to read...lol

thanks ladies for reading..i just dont know what to do..fed up of spending every day crying over something. ITs like just when i get something sorted something else comes to kick me.

hi nemo sorry things aren't getting any better. It's enough being mid preg with a toddler without the financial worries. agree CAB a good idea, they have a section that just deals with finances. Go early - and avoid Mondays in my experience! be prepared to wait and wait. Or try phoning. Once you see someone they can get wheels in motion and give you advice and help. Don't think anyone wd look good taking pregnant lady to court - sit down and put something on paper so you can negotiate an alternative. As I said before CAT me if I can do anything. Ninah x
PS you CAN carry on, however hard it looks. That's what we mums do.

x-posted - know what you mean, it rains buckets when it rains. Sounds like you have a lovely family though, hang in there!

Sometimes though its better to get all the money issues together with who you owe what to,there is someone who will sort out for you just to pay so much a month...Courts do this i think and then its agreed by the courts,that way you pay what you can, and will still have enough for food etc and maybe a meal out every so ofton....
Noone wants to see you struggle xx

ebbie i did sort out lower repayments etc but then with the tax credits fiasco it means i am £170 down a month which means i cant even afford the lower repayments now

I agree with the people who say that facing up to your financial situation does help. Force yourself to sit down and get all your debts together and then either go to CAB or contact all the people directly and tell them that you're having trouble. Some companies will stop charging inerest and all would rather have some money every month, even if it's £5, than nothing and have to go through the hassle and expense of taking you to court. They only threaten the nasty stuff if they don't hear from you and suspect that you're not going to pay anything. I used to sort out soldiers' financial situations and the weight off their minds when they'd finally faced up to what they owed was quite big. I really hope that you start to feel you can face the future again.

its not just finances it is everything..i was abused by my step dad and told my mum last year as she is still married to him....she chose to stay with him which just made me feel even worse..leading to selfharm etc. I still see my mum occasionally but not a lot but hate knoiwing they are together in their posh house both are buying brand new cars in sept of a freelander and range rover and it pisses me off that while i have done nothing wrong we struggle to buy bread and milk while they are living the high life. Surely by all rights it should be the other way round. Before i had my son i was working full time in a well paid job etc and never pictured myself being in this situation 2 yrs down the line. Unable to go out, not able to afford food and being threatened with court etc. The abuse and depression has taken everything from me at what should be the happiest times of my life. I adore my son and want my baby but at same time this is not how their lives should be started off with a suicidal pathetic mother

Oh nemo,pls dont think i was getting at you,just trying to help...Is there anyway you can say that your payments have been axed and you just cant afford to pay them?
Surly you must beable to go back and see them...
On the other side of things have you spoken to anyone about how you feel?Ur doctor?
You have underlying feelings that wont go away by themselves and need attention asap...

ebbie i didnt think anyone was getting at me. Its just everything, i think if it was just money then i could cope iykwim. It wouldnt be nice but I could deal with it...just all the other stuff aswell gets me down and makes me thingk what is the point. Silly things like I had to buy ds wallpaper from ebay cos i couldnt afford to go to b+q to get it etc. Also how will i afford milk for the baby or anything for xmas etc. I know i am lucky in the fact that dh and his parents are really good and understanding but i feel like there is only soo much anyone can take before it will piss them off...prob dont make sense...but then nothing does

telling your mum about the abuse must've raked up all sorts of hurt and anger. I'd suggest you try and find some counselling about this as it's way too much to deal with on your own.
Wallpaper and Christmas presents don't matter a jot. Just get something for ds and give everyone else cards this year. You will have lots going on with the new baby, and enough to celebrate in itself, you don't need to go and spend more money. Well, we're not going to, with one due Xmas Day!

ninah i actually see a psychologist once a week but she has been away for the past 3..typucally when things are bad..lol I hate my mum but for some reason cant stop myself from seeing her..maybe because i dont really have an family close by and dont have friends either as such..I dont know anyone i could call ina crisis etc which is quite scarey but then its also self inflicted.

nemo, i can clearly remember having no money to but ds1 xmas pressies on is first xmas- it didnt matter because- he was too young to fully understand anyway and he had pressies off other people which more than kept him occupied.

surely you must be able to get some help from CAB, i cant understand either how the bloody tax credits office can justify taking all money off you.

i really hope you find a solution, i wish i had some marvellous advice which could make things better.

nemo- re someone to talk to, have you thought about contacting homestart? they have a website, maybe worth a try. Having a friendly shoulder to cry on wont help your money problems but may make you feel as if you are not so alone.

I understand you are a very private person and I think it's brave, and feel quite priveleged, that you are talking to us. You seem a lovely and kind person and I wish you could see that for yourself. Abuse has deep and long-rooted effects and does a lot of damage, but it is NOT who you are. If your qualities are obvious to your internet friends they will be even more so to rl friends. There is no need to push people away.
As for your mum family things are SO complicated. You must love her as your mum but the anger and betrayal make you hate her too.
Can you arrange to see another psychologist in this one's absence or will s'he be back shortly?