I have a plan and could do with some advice as to how to go

[sorrento56]

I have been having therapy for the past year with a woman who has helped me a lot. I have seen therapists before and this is the first one I really feel understands me and gets me. Unfortunately I have to finish with her in a few weeks as through the NHS it is basically a year and then that is it.

All my life I have dealt with difficult times by not dealing with them and immediately moving on. Consequently things tend to come back and bite me on the bum at some point as well as causing me on going pain.

A couple of things I have tried to work out the problem and deal with it, and while it was agony at the time, it did help to a degree. I have other issues I really need to address and have no idea where to start to be honest.

I bought a big notebook today with the idea that I just write things down. Many times I have tried to write my story and it doesn't really work. If I write or say it, then it makes it true and it has really happened and I fight so much not to accept and believe that and I will not accept that that little girl going through so much crap, was, is, me.

I just don't know how to go about it.

Speaking as a child abuse survivor with similar tactics to avoid dealing with things I would say that you are not ready to go it alone. I had 14 sessions on the NHS then made a successful change to a new counsellor via a specialist charity. She is actually the right person for me right now and actually got me out of my head and into my feelings.

Hard but healing.

If carrying on with counselling is really not an option and your problems are abuse related the book 'The courage to heal' and the workbook that comes with it will help you really write things down nd gennerally face up to things.

(If your problems are sexual abuse related and you live in Warwickshire by freak coincidence check out Safeline Warwick - I have my counselling through them and every week I put in an envelope what I can afford)

I bought that book many years ago but couldn't get past the first page. Would it be worth buying it again though tbh that wasn't the reason for my post.

Only you can decide that....also depends on the reason why you couldn't get past that first page...

I have written several hundred of pages on my computer over the past year and a half (separate from the book) and they only thing i know is that I only recently have been able to write my story.

I discovered that the trick is to just write what you feel and think now and forget about your story. Just write - stream of consciousness...

I think I just couldn't handle it. I used to always avoid anything to do with abuse and then tried reading some to dilute my experience, memories, reactions to it, but it didn't work.

It isn't the bit I want to focus on but I think the just write is the best idea. Thanks.