Could do with a kick up the bum if anyone has a good aim, please?

[MrsMeow]

I'm just feeling a bit jittery about it all I phoned the drs earlier and have an appointment for Thursday at 10.20am.

Basically, I had severe PND after having DD 10 years ago, went on anti-d's for a few years and recovered well. Had DS, got ill again when he was 10 months old and went back on anti-d's, came off them about 3 years ago and was fine for a while, but just recently the anxiety (my main symptom) has been creeping back and has become worse over the past few weeks; I feel like every nerve ending is buzzing, I can't tolerate much noise (another symptom from last time) and I'm edgy all the time. It's really hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been through it, but you know when you're asleep and you hear a bang/one of the children scream or something and you jump out of bed with your heart pounding? I keep getting that feeling, but as though it's just before it happens if that makes sense?

Anyway, blah blah, I've had enough now and have called the drs. I have no qualms about going back on anti d's if I need to, but I just can't help but think that I had a 'reason' to be ill last time - but this time it's just because I'm a bit crap

Also, I really don't think I'm depressed - this feels quite different to before. It literally is just the anxiety that's getting me down. Are there meds I can take just for that?

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I guess I just needed to get it out. No-one apart from DH knows that I've been going downhill again, so I don't have anyone to talk to.

I won't give you a kick up the bum, sounds like you need a hug instead!

I do know exactly that feeling you describe of being on edge the whole time, your heart is ready to race at the slightest thing. You feel sensitised to everything. At my worst I couldn't even watch TV as everything felt too bright and intense and I got so upset by the littlest thing.

You're right that there's no shame in going on the ADs if you need them. It's good they have helped you in the past.. which one did you take?

I have taken a few different ones, and find the side effects of some much more tolerable than those of others.

You may think that anxiety and depression are separate things, but actually they are very closely linked neurologically. They are like two sides of the same coin. However, it's true that sometimes you can feel more anxious than depressed and vice versa. ADs actually work on both depression and anxiety, so you should find that your anxiety symptoms improve on ADs, even if you don't actually feel "depressed" in the same way you did with PND. I think different "episodes" can be different IYSWIM.

Good luck with your appointment. Just explain it how it is.. you will be fine.

Thanks so much for your lovely reply GetDown. I love your name by the way!

I've been on a few different types, but the one I settled on both times was Citalopram which worked really well for me, I have to say.

Thank you for the info on anxiety & depression. I suppose I just link them because I've been depressed before, and anxiety was the main problem for me. This is different though, I don't feel depressed at all really, no sad feelings or crying. I do feel low now and then, but I think it's cycle related more than anything. The anxiety is getting in the way of life now though, I'm snappy with my lovely DH and with the DC and just always on the edge of my seat.

I'm so glad to hear from someone who understands. As I said, I'm trying to keep it quiet and although my DH is the most lovely, kindhearted and patient man, he doesn't really understand as he's never been through it. Thanks for taking the time to reply I hope you're doing ok.

I can sympathise with how you're feeling MrsMeow. I didn't get PND, but I did have severe generalised anxiety (which led to depression) for around 18 months and it was the worst time of my life. And like your situation at the moment, there was no real reason for it, except I suppose the normal stresses and strains of life.

I did CBT and was on Citalopram for a good 6 months which really did the trick. However, I am now 14+4 weeks pregnant and have been suffering severe nausea, it is beginning to get better, but for some reason I am begining to develop anxiety again. First thing in the morning is my worst time, I can feel that horrible zinging sensation through my nerves and I'm really having to be strong to get through it and not allow myself to go into a panic attack. I have no idea why this is happening.

Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread, just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one and I hope the dr is helpful.

Good luck.

Rocklover, thank you and you're not hijacking at all, it's good to know that other people feel the same. I'm just struggling to get my head around it all because I actually feel pretty chirpy - just so anxious all the time, and anxiety & depression have always gone hand in hand for me before.

I wonder if your anxiety stems from the nausea? I know it's a horrid feeling, not knowing if you're going to be sick or not, and having to get up and on with your day, rather than loitering around the bathroom all day! Hopefully you'll get better as the nausea improves if you feel like you need a chat about it though, just give me a shout on here. I have very good listening ears!

Hi there MrsMeow how are you feeling today?

I just thought of something, have you tried Moodscope? It helps you track your moods and may be able to help pinpoint triggers etc.

Hi GetDown I actually feel ok today thank you, how are you? We're having a nice quiet day in so I feel pretty relaxed at the minute, still edgy, but not like I have been.

Moodscope looks really interesting! I've not heard of it before, but will definitely give it a try. I've thought for a long while that my low moods (although not the anxiety) are cycle related, so it will be interesting to see if it tallies up with this as well. Thanks for the link!

hi there. I'm not great today. I have been slowly weaning myself off my AD because we want to TTC in the autumn. However, I'm starting to feel anxious again

Just went into town with DD. We were in the supermarket and she started screaming. I felt all hot and my face started to turn really red. My heart was fluttering. I never normally feel like that. It was horrible. Home now but still feeling a bit sick after it all.

Glad to hear you are having a nice quiet day.

GetDown .

Oh I'm sorry you're having a bad day FWIW, I weaned off Citalopram to TTC and although I had a couple of blips, that's literally all they were. It's easy to panic and think you're sliding back down hill, but looking back you realise that they were just rocky patches.

What dose are you on now? Which anti d?

Go and have a cuppa and put your feet up, you'll feel better soon

Citalopram is good - not addictive like Prozac etc. Takes a while to kick in though.

Just a thought - lots of evidence around about oestrogen dominance making all us females very hyper, edgy, chronic pmt etc. Never agreed with me, or my 2DD's. Felt I was going mad when I was on it, took a long time to get it out of my system as well. Diet important as well - it's taken me years to sort out what agrees and what doesn't. Lot better since stopped smoking, not having sugar in my tea (well, not refined anyway, I use fructose, keeps the blood sugar levels steady and helps with weight as well) . Caffeine sends me into hyper space as well! these things have helped me feel bit more in control - also took up yoga, breathing and stuff - it's remembering to do all these things when you've got a busy life. Thinkin of you ....xxxx

Try googling "serenity" - it's all about natural progesterone. Been using it for about 4 months, it actually works! DDs using it too, works for them as well. Might help.

thanks becky xxx

Thanks for your kind words MrsMeow - I do hope you're right. It's encouraging to hear that when you weaned off your AD, the blips were just blips. I hope that is the same for me too
I take mirtazapine, and am down to 7.5mg now. Need to start cutting it down again but am a bit scared [wibble]

A cuppa is a good idea. I'm off to put the kettle on!

www.progesterone.co.uk

Got there in the end!

cantseeforlookin thank you, I will have a proper look at that link later on. I've heard about progesterone cream and wondered if it might help me. I've always been prone to PMT and have stopped using contraception (apart from condoms) to see if it made any difference, but it hasn't. This 'episode' at the minute though, is more than just cycle related. It's a lot more intense and getting in the way of life, and it feels just like when I had PND but without the helpless, desperately sad feelings.

I'll have a chat with my GP tomorrow and see what she suggests.

GetDown I know it probably just seems like words on a screen at the minute, but they really are just blips. I remember phoning my HV in tears one day, thinking I was right back to square one and she told me to think about it rationally, and to realise that if every day was an 'up' day, then I would most probably be a robot! I realised then that bad days are very normal, but probably just magnified more to people like us, who have been at the bottom.

I don't have any experience of taking Mirtazapine, but 7.5mg is a v low dose, so well done you for getting down to that! Enjoy your cuppa, and I'll have a coffee whilst you're at it

I've got my cuppa now.

Yes 7.5 is a low dose. It feels like it's been a marathon to get to where I am today.

I was hospitalised with my PND and at one point was on 11 different drugs!! (I know ) I was on 4 by the time I left hospital, and have slowly slowly got off them all one by one.

I left my AD till last because I believe it helps me sleep. Insomnia was such a major feature of my PNd and am terrified of it!

Thank you yes I think this must be a blip. Am feeling bad today anyway as I am not getting on too well with my mum at the moment. We have always been so close but lately I am finding it harder and harder to get on with her.

I hope your appointment goes ok tomorrow. Let us know how it goes x

Oh I didn't realise that you were so poorly - I feel a bit like I was teaching my grandmother to suck eggs now, I'm sorry! You are doing fantastically well then, even more so than if you'd just been on the one tablet. You should be proud of yourself I agree, insomnia is the pits. I found Zimovane helped me a lot, but I struggled to stop taking it, even though it's not addictive, because I was so scared of not sleeping. Mad isn't it?

I'm sorry things aren't too good with your mum, no wonder you're feeling low today. I hate bad feeling with people and let it eat me up as well, it's not nice is it?

I hope you're feeling much better tomorrow, and thank you, I will let you know

Not at all like teaching grandmother to suck eggs!! I am just an ordinary mum like anyone. I certainly don't know it all or claim to be any kind of expert. Still much of what happened to me is a mystery and I still struggle to make sense of it all.

Am always very grateful to share and hear from others' experiences on here... we all have something to offer in terms of support

A girl in my PND support group with had had puerperal psychosis after the birth of her first DC, she used to go around the groups and give talks on her experience etc. She'd gone on to have another DS the last time I saw her, before I moved away, and said she had no problems whatsoever after having him! Obviously she was keeping a close eye on things, but was fine when I saw her, and her DS would have been about 6/7 months ish then

I've always wondered what causes one mother to be fine afterwards, and another to get ill. I'd love to know why!

Just a little update as you were all kind enough to reply. I saw the Dr this morning, she's put me on 20mg Citalopram, which I've been on before so know that they work for me. I didn't feel it was a particularly good appointment, she was running an hour behind so seemed to want to get me in and out asap. Anyway, nevermind, at least I could get in to see someone

I felt really strange whilst I was out though, I had to get a few bits from town and my legs felt really strange and wobbly, and I felt anxious. I wouldn't say it was a panic attack, I've never suffered before and it wasn't bad enough to be anything major, but I definitely didn't feel right. I had loads of little bitty things to do, and felt like I couldn't think straight so forgot half of the stuff. I think the sooner I start to take these tablets, the better!

GetDownYouWillFall how are you feeling today? Much better than yesterday I hope x

Thanks everyone for the virtual hand holding!