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Original poster

No really sure whats going on......

23 replies

lourobert · 02/08/2010 13:12

Hi,

I writing here cos not really comfortable talking to anyonein real life and wondered if someone could help.

Im 30 and a single mother to a severely disabled child who I love more than anything in the world but its hard, really hard. its hard because its exhausting looking after him physically because he is fully dependant on me for all his care and emotionally becuase , and as much as i adore him , he son i planned. I also have a fairly hectic and stressful job.

Just lately Ive been getting some anxiety attacks- tight chest,flutterly stomach,feeling on edge. I would say I generally feel quite low and that I feel like im just 'existing' at the moment.But I think i hide it quite well to my family and friends- I certianly dont want to worry my parents. I cant concentrate and my memory is awful and Icant think to make choices or decisions.I am going to go to my GP but I dont want to take medication.

Im not really sure what im asking really, just wondered if anyone has got a hold on anxiety and whatt can I do to start helping myself feel better.

Thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
lourobert · 02/08/2010 13:13

meant to say 'isnt the son i planned'

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 02/08/2010 13:23

I have a son with mild-ish disabilities (cerebral palsy and speech delay) who is very easy to look after - yet there are shattered dreams, worries, things to do that other parents don't have to and sometimes it just feels sad.

I very much doubt that you will get a hold on your anxiety as long as you hide it from everyone. You need support!!!! If not from your parents confide in some friends. I'm getting to the other side of some very deep sh*t (not ds related but involving lots of pain and anxiety) with the help of close friends - my dad still doesn't know that anything has been amiss as I think he will do something stupid (ie hurt someone) when he finds out what's happened)

sorry I'm rambling, ds was poorly and I've had no sleep.

Talk
to friends or whoever you can trust

BuzzingNoise · 02/08/2010 13:28

Anxiety attacks can be frightening and I think you should talk to someone. Your GP would be a good first port of call.

Original poster
lourobert · 02/08/2010 13:29

Thanks I know you're right. Ive never been good at talking and opening up. People seem to think im a bit of a 'tough nut' due to this image i seem to portray- Im not tough, think its just a defense thing possibly due to something from many years ago.

I wonder whether I would feel this way if my son didnt have the difficulties he has- maybe I would, maybe I wouldnt although i would have thought it must contribute.

i definately need to work on talking!!!

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 02/08/2010 13:31

I know what you mean with it being hard to open up - I learned to cry last year when a brave friend found a way of making me...thankfully he also stayed around to catch me when I fell...

BuzzingNoise · 02/08/2010 13:32

I find it easier to open up to a stranger than a friend or relative, so you're not alone.

kayah · 02/08/2010 13:33

why are you against antidepressants?

Original poster
lourobert · 02/08/2010 13:40

Im not against them. I think my post should have read 'I didnt want to take medication at this stage' as I want to see what other strategies I could maybe try first. If thats what was needed to keep myself balanced and well then I wouldnt disregard them.

OP posts:
BuzzingNoise · 02/08/2010 13:51

Just someone to talk to could be a big help.

SparkleRainbow · 02/08/2010 13:51

I can really understand and relate to how you are feeling. I am just finding out how completely worn down I am by my ds difficulties, how I feel that I am pulled so thin there is nothing left of me, and I can just about cope if the status quo holds, but the phrase "straw that breaks the camel's back" really has meaning for me at the moment. I also don't want to go down the road of antidepressants yet, I feel I want to try and get hold of the situation without them. I don't have a problem with them either, but they don't feel right for me at the place I am right now. Although I am aware that I am not necessarily the best judeg of that, and perhaps I should let my GP decide that. I am trying to steel myself to further investigate counselling for my ds for dealing with his emotions around his condition, but reading you post make me wonder if the same medical counselling services would be available to you as your ds' carer?

kayah · 02/08/2010 13:57

do you get any respite to have break?

SparkleRainbow · 02/08/2010 14:00

I think there are medications which are more about calming anxiety than anti depression as such, is that right?

Original poster
lourobert · 02/08/2010 14:02

I think talking is going to be good starting point for me and learning how to talk. I do a job where people need my support so learning to swap roles might take some doing.

I tried couselling once before and i was rubbish and got nothing from it becuase you get out what you put in and my counsellor said she had never met anyone so difficult....!!!! i would be interested in trying again.

Sparkle-there are counselling services for carers but its a postocde lottery im afriad and nothing around here!! there is suppport availble for your young people in relation to him talking about his difficulties, again though this depends on the area in which you live?

OP posts:
cocolepew · 02/08/2010 14:08

I take a beta blocker in the mornings to stop the physical symptoms of anxiety, my DD has had some MH issues and I used to get very nervous picking her up from school. They worked straight away and were a help.

kayah · 02/08/2010 14:08

SparkleRainbow - Citalopram works like that

for panick attacks, sleep problems and few more

cocolepew · 02/08/2010 14:09

I also take 20mgs of Citalopram, it has been great.

BuzzingNoise · 02/08/2010 14:09

Citalopram works for me.

SparkleRainbow · 02/08/2010 14:13

I have never been to counselling, so I am a poor source of information about it, but I would have thought that it is the job of a good counsellor to help even the most reluctant talker to open up, afterall you wouldn't be there if you didn't want their help, and you as a selfconfessed "not very good at talking and opening up" are probably in more need of someone helping you to do that than someone who finds it easy. Did that make sense, or is it only in my head? I supposed what I am trying to express is if your gp could refer you to someone (shame it isn't a carer based support though) it would be worth another try maybe. It might just help you to find strategies for getting the panicky feelings under control, maybe?

SparkleRainbow · 02/08/2010 14:14

Citalopram, that it the one, thank you.

BuzzingNoise · 02/08/2010 14:14

SOme counsellors are better than others. YOu need to find one to suit you.

Original poster
lourobert · 02/08/2010 14:19

i would be willing to give counselling another try!!! i just need to challenge the irrational thoughts I have that lead to my anxiety. The first is that I wont meet anyone again and the second is irrational fears leading up to nighttime and that must stem from how bad my ds was at sleeping!!

GP on friday is a starting point

OP posts:
kayah · 02/08/2010 14:21

well done lourobert

BuzzingNoise · 02/08/2010 14:23

I think CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or neuro-linguistic programming would help. Ask your GP to refer you for one of those counsellors.
I found the 'CBT for Dummies' book was a great help in changing irrational and negative and junk thoughts.

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