i have done neither of the above since may when i was in hospital and have felt good as not had the urge for ages. ok 2mths might not seem long but for someone who was down a and e every week at least twice is a big achievement. the only problem is being in loads of pain with ears and back is making me feel so down and i want to hurt myself again. i told my physcologist on fri and he told me to stay strong and see him again next week. easier said than done. i am tired run down and feel low. and if one more person says its cus its the school hols i will scream. dd has been away for a few days and when home i actually enjoy spending time with her. the mh team say all mums struggle in school hols and expect all parents to go down if they have mh probs. this makes me even crosser cus thats not the prob. pain and stress is the cause. i feel so horrible inside as a person then why not destroy my body and make me feel good and de stress. i don't know am all messed up again. been out of hospital 6 weeks and feel as bad as when i went in but then if i give in i am letting people dowm dh,dd what do i do heeeelppp