is this PND or is it normal to feel this jealous of SAHD?

[headinspin]

Myself and DP decided prepregnancy that he would be SAHD and i would go back to work full time.
DS is now three months old and i am so jealous of the idea that DP will stay with him that it is colouring everything i do/think about - i can't enjoy my mat leave as i keep thinking of the end- i feel that i am never going to get the special bond between mother and child as DP will have this instead. i feel threatened everytime he takes DS from me, plays with him or makes him laugh. I am breast feeding which i love but worry how i will feel when it ends and also that my only unique thing with DS is feeding- not him just enjoying being with me.
I keep talking to my DP about how I feel but it isn't helping-it just makes us both feel very awkward about doing things with DS.

I am not sure what to do but i can't go on like this and just feel like running away

Poor you. I am FT worker too and have 3 Dcs who have a SAHD, so I know what you mean. How long till you go back to work? have you talked to your partner about how you are feeling?

My gut instinct is that is part (natural, motherly, right and proper) jealousy, and part (possible) PND. (I have had that too). Can you do a phased return to work? Get your GP on your side and ask for a letter/sick note that syas you need a phased return so you can go a your pace, when you are ready.

Get onto the NCT for hiring a breast pump etc and carry on feeding when you get back to work (I used to pump in my lunch break).

In the meantime remember that no one can replace you as his mum. Other people add to his life and his love, not diminish yours for him.

Plus by the time he is a toddler you'll be happy to go to work and leave the morning I-don't-want-to-get-dressed tantrum to your DP!

Sorry can't do long posts as DCs needing food/ UN Peace-Keeping type intervention. Will check in later, have you also tried posting in 'Going back to work' thread?

i will try and post on the going back to work thread. i can probably do a phased back to worl approach but it doesn't feel like that will help at the moment. I have explained to my partner but am not sure he gets it.It is really affecting my maternity leave as it looms over us- and it feels like he is just allowing me to pretend to be in charge for a bit. I thought I'd at least have maternity leave- which I would if DS was going to childcare...

How long mat leave have you got left? When ds was 3 months I didn't think I could ever return to work but by 10 months I was fine leaving him with his childminder...

But I feel your deeper fear that ds will not bond with you - I have a ds (2.5) who is besotted with his dad and did not want to come to me for a cuddle this morning as he was on daddy's arm and off on their daily adventure to make a cup of tea together. Thankfully dh understands how it makes me feel - coupledwith the fact that ds (who has mobility issues and a speech delay) has said daddy for a year, who says giraffe, tiger and 50 other words but no mummy.....

But then yesterday when I was dressing him he stood up mid dressing, wrapped his little arms around my neck and hugged me for 5 minutes...you will have your own special bond with your baby.

I will go back to work when DS is 7 months- he is currently 3 1/2 months. I am hoping i will feel better about it then- i thought I was feeling better the last week but i think it was because DP was doing other things so wasn't really around to compete for DS time- the last few days it has felt just as bad- even worse- he fed DS and put him to bed last night (for the first time) and i just feel like a spare part