Worried neighbour.

[scanty]

Not sure how to put this but DH and I are worried about our neighbours. Only been neighbours for over a year and they seemed the perfect older middle class couple. Do everything together, always gardening togeteher, walking together. We don't see them that much but are friendly enough and always say hello and have the odd chat. In the past month or so, DH and I have noticed a shocking change. First was when I heard them having a blasting argument, mostly coming from the lady. Just raised an eyebrow at first but since then it has become very common. You hardly hear anything from him but she just goes on nonstop in a really disturbing way. In the past week or so it seems to have escalated and she has been screaming at times and we even heard a few slapping sounds. Their children live overseas so are rarely here and tbh we have wondered if she has some kind of mental illness or dementia or something as her tone and speech pattern are very stange as though she pauses between every word in a monotone. We are worried about how the husband is dealing with either what sounds like spousal abuse or mental illness. I'd like to have a word with him just in case he needs help but it is very difficult to catch the right moment or how to broach it. We have no experience in Dementia or such but wonder if the description above sounds familiar to any MNers.

Would you and your DH be willing to knock on the door the next time this happens? If not, my best advice would be to contact the police when you hear a disturbance. They will not identify you as the caller and they can do the necessary referrals if they have concerns about her mental health.

You could telephone your local Social Services and ask for the mental health team. You could tell them what you've posted (which is a referral) and state that you wish to be anonymous. The only trouble with this is that people often guess who has referred them to the Social Services. I'm not altogether sure whether they would be prepared to go out and assess on this basis but it's worth a try.

Alternatively as nigglewiggle says would you feel able to knock the door and make contact with your neighbours (whether she is shouting or not)and ask if there are any problems and if there is any way you could help. You may not feel able to do this but you sound the sort of people who want to help which is a rare thing these days. Not sure the police would be willing to intervene on the basis of what you have said, and even if they did, not sure they would be able to assess the situation if there is a mental health issue, which sounds as though there is.

Do hope you can help this couple in some way and glad that there are people like you who care. Others may come along with better ideas

I can assure you the police WOULD attend if you fear that there may be domestic violence taking place, and from what you describe it is a possibility. The police are not qualified to diagnose mental health problems, but they will refer to Social Services if they have concerns. Additionally they can encourage the person concerned to voluntarily seek medical help.

thanks for replying. I have been waiting for a chance to catch him on his own to say that we are worried and would like to help but it just hasn't happened. If things get worse then I will have to intervene in some way, though would be more likely to chap the door as I'd hate to involve SS or the police untell if spoken to him. We don't know the whole picture, obviously and it might have been going on a long time and only have heard it with the summer nights in the garden and windows open. I just can't imagine the stress he's under (it all seems to be coming from her) and he isn't in the best health.

You sound like a good neighbour. I hope you can help.