self sabotage, self destruct -- why do I keep doing this?

[mulranno]

Here we go again what is wrong with me?...I deliberately self destruct. In a job now for 9 months did brilliantly for first 6...now I deliberately dont make deadlines I have been here before - piss people off then politely shown the door -- I am very capable but why do I do this?

what do you feel about youreself in general mulranno?
i used to be really self destructive and i used to delibratly piss people off-
i used to feel bad about myself and thought i wasnt "as good "as others.
being self destructing was a way of keeping others at arms lenth[for me]

I do the same.

I lose my confidence, tell myself constantly that I'm a useless idiot, then I mess up and make stupid mistakes as I'm too busy telling myself how shite I am to concentrate on the job.

I also refuse to succeed at stuff because my mother would try and take the credit

Nemofish
youre not a useless idiot and making mistakes doesnt make you shite
i hope you can work on youre confidence.
[im saying this all kindly]

I'm not sure I can offer any explanations - I'm not well educated in mental health issues (if I were, I could google whatever it is that I have, which is different but probably equally corrosive).

Is it like Nemofish describes? A kind of self-fulfilling prophecy that you might just as well precipitate because you know it's going to happen any way? People with low self-esteem can often fear that no matter how good they are at what they do they will be found out as a fraud, because their efforts have been belittled so much in the past. That can sometimes translate as "jump before you're pushed" and maybe you're engineering that "push" as an avoidance technique because "jumping" isn't really what you want to do.

Or could it be that almost the only attention you got as a child was negative criticism? That can set up a pattern of behaviour, and I wish I could recall something very succinct I read a long while ago, but it was about snarky/nasty (read: emotional abuse) comments being better than silence. Perhaps you might feel that the negative attention you end up getting is better than not being recognised at all.

Or could it be that what you seek is challenge? The early weeks/months in a new job is often the most challenging and some people can find that invigorating, only to find as time goes on that the challenge isn't there any more. Could you be getting jobs that are, in reality, below your capabilities but you don't have the self-confidence to see yourself that way?

Nemofish - your last comment rang bells with me. But that's another story.

See you on the stately homes threads hugglymugly!

I can relate to many of the comments. I did have a v difficult childhood -- I do not value myself as I should. I am a very bright capable person who has achieved and then blown opportunities repeatedly. I seem to crash and burn. I have issues with sustaining things I - throw myself into things but then get very bored easily and I find it very hard to stick to a routine. My weight is another self destruct area. I dont know what I should do - I mostly feel like crawling into a hole.

Tis very difficult. You may also have a feeling deep down that you don't deserve good things.

At least you managed to achieve and then crash and burn, I seemed to have been stuck in dismal failure mode!

But it depends what it is that you are trying to succeed in. If it is something that deep down you actually fear or don't really want, or if it is something to make family members like / love you, then it won't happen.

I too am an annoyingly bright and capable person. Now I have found something that I really want to do and I have had some time to work on my confidence and self esteem, I have an idea of what I am capable of

I can recommend a 'self esteem for dummies' book that really helped me, you can get it on amazon for under a tenner, well worth it.