Cheater

[Bellajade]

Im after advice on how to cope with a husband who had a one night stand with a co worker who he says he never even liked.This happened 4 mths ago but feels like yesterday.We have 2 small kids and have been together 6 years.At the time he was severely depressed and was abusing alcohol and dope daily.Since this occured he left his job and has made a big effort with me and kids but now Iam the depressed one.I really NEVER thought he would do this I have known him all my life.

really sorry this happened bella.
i think some councelling might be in order with relate.

I dont think i can give you any advice or say anything very constructive as my experience of this has not turned out well although ive not given up hope all together yet.
My dp (as he was at the time, ex now) was very depressed and cheated and i really couldnt believe it of him i just never ever imagined he could do that i still cant quite connect it in my head its like he's 2 different people.

It sounds like your dh is making a real effort to turn things around but what he's done is a huge betrayal of trust and it can take a very long time to get over that. i agree with custardo about counselling i think that would really help or if he wont (mine wouldnt!) just really talking to each other, or we mostly texted our big discussions as he found that easier. I didnt know what i wanted from him to put it right or how to make it better i think it was just time and talking to try and build things back up, although were not there yet.
And i never really told him how angry i was, because he was so depressed and said he felt so guilty and hated himself and more and i didnt want to make him feel any worse so didnt really let it all out until much later but i think that helps if you havent already.
Sorry i havent got anything more helpful to say. I dont know you so i wont say i know how you feel but i do remember very clearly how i felt so im here if you want to talk

Thanks Pesha..just knowing I can vent to someone who wont take sides helps.We did go to a counselling session but I didnt like her advice to "not bring it up".I thought that was letting him off the hook to easily.My hubby is now on anti deppresants and saw a psychologist a couple times tho.The week it happened I lost 5 kilos in 3days and my breast milk almost dried up,I also fainted a couple times,threw a beer bottle through his car window and threw all his car mags in the back yard!That got rid of a tenth of my anger!My main prob now is I cant stop thinking about what happened its always on my mind.I h8 him but at the same time I have loved him since I was 17.

Had a huge fight with hubby I decided to bring up him cheating after we both had 1 too many wines and he punched a cpl holes in the wall.He is mad coz he thinks he has told me everything b4 and doesnt want me to talk about it.

bellajade - has it got any easier?

Not really.I just sort of go on suffering in silence.I dont know where to go from here I hate that he has messed up our lives.Bcoz he had to quit his job we are struggling with money and Im struggling with trust.I do agree with him in the respect that we have both pretty much said all we can about what he did and I do believe he told me everything but I cant stop feeling like I have a broken heart and maybe we wont be together forever like I used to believe.
After the night he punched the wall he promised to only drink a maximum of 2 drinks.Last night a few friends came over and he had at least 4that I saw so I asked him to stop.He said no worries,5mins later he had another!We had a fight and his excuse was he spaced them out and didnt skull them.Something from 7yrs ago was brought up with his friend and hubby got reall aggressive and was outside yelling at 1 am.I told him he needs help controlling his anger and alcohol bcoz they seem to go hand in hand.

bellajade - he doesnt hurt you physically i hope. does he? you sound so down. i am so sorry.

I have been in a similar situation. DH of 15 years,cheated on me 2 1/2 years ago. DH refused to talk about it after a while because it always ended up in arguments. We tried relate-but I didn't like it. So basically I have learnt to live with what happened. Time is a great healer. (Although even now I still can't listen to certain songs or go to certain places and some days I can't get it out of my head). It still hurts, but no where near as much as it did. It has changed our relationship. I do not trust him one bit, but with 3 ds and a mortgage I just plod along each day!

im sorry - i have no advice - just didnt want to hit and run. Hope things work out for you.