is this really depression or am i just mad??

[blushingm]

i just feel sooooooooooooo down. I prefer to spend my time sleeping as my dreams are better than reality.

this monring dh went to work and i stayed in bed til lunch time. DS 8 was out playing with the neighbours kids and DD 4 was left watching tv in her jammies. the only reason i got up was because i had to take dh his lunch

at work i can't talk to people in case i start crying so i sit all day with my ipod on listening to loud music

at home i can't motivate myself to do any house work or even talk to the children or eat

it sounds really sad and pathetic and bordering on obsessive but i can't stop fantasising (sp??) about jeremy clarkson (please try not to laugh!!!!). He seems so perfect that I can't get him out of my head..............it will proably someone else in a couple of weeks

i just feel so useless and unwanted and hopeless about everything. Nothing seems worthwhile and i often wonder what use am I? it would be so much better if i didn't exsist anymore

sorry this is so long i just had to get it out of my head and can't face saying it out loud

Oh my goodness, that's bad. How long have you been feeling this bad??

You have some classic symptoms of depression I'm afraid - sleep changes, no motivation, crying, finding it difficult to talk, feeling useless, hopeless etc.

Are you getting help? This cannot carry on. You will not be able to hide this from DH, your DC or work.

hi get down - i'm on ADs and anti psychotic but they don't seem to be helping

it just seems over the last few weeks i can't hold it together anymore - i've been hiding eveying and it feels like i am about to drop it all

Unfortunately hiding it and "putting on a front" of being ok is part of the illness, but it also perpetuates it. You can't keep staying strong forever when you are crumbling inside.

How long have you been on your meds, they do take a while, I think 6 weeks really..

i've been on the ads (in one form or another) for over 4 years, the others - well these particular ones about 3 months now

well sounds like you need to be reviewed, are you under a psychiatrist?

yes i'm under and psychiatrist...............have been for 4 years............

I'm not experienced in these things as I've never built up the courage to see a doctor but this sounds exactly like where I was about six months ago. I actually posted a message eerily similar to your own under a different username. The only difference is I was obsessed with quilting patterns rather than Jeremy Clarkson. I can't even sew but I was constantly looking up quilting patterns and couldn't sleep because I was thinking about places to buy fabric.

I agree with GetDownYouWillFall. You need to be reviewed.

star - thanks for replying - how did you get over this?

I'm sorry to say that I haven't properly gotten over this. I'm feeling better now and I can't explain why, but I know that it will return as it always does. I am finally planning to speak to a doctor but I do feel silly about going when things are at a more manageable level. I think you have far more experience of these things than I do so I feel a bit ridiculous trying to offer advice. I just wanted to let you know that you are not useless or worthless and you need to let people know what's going on so that they can help you.