i've had enough

[mummysgoingmad]

just had a termination, no support from anyone apart dp. I feel totally depressed and i dont have the energy to look after my 20 month old ds. Having trouble sleeping, then have trouble getting up in the morning.
I fell really intolerent all the time, sometimes i think to myself what you doing? why are you getting so upset. Then i hear the little voice in my head that says, everyone would be better off if you weren't here.

I think the brave face may crack soon

a little bit but not as much, its getting worse.

Had my termination abot a week and a half ago.

I dont have anyone to talk to, my so called friends haven't been there for me since ds was born, my mum will tell me to pull myself together and dp will worry.

I'm feeling like a failure.

don't give up - you getting out is not making life better for anyone honest.

talk to us - let us give you some support to start with

I am so sorry mummy that you are feeling so awful at the moment. I am sure your dp would rather you talked to him, yes he may worry, but he will probably worry more if you don't talk... If you can't face that then talk to us, we will listen and support you.

i cant even fake a smile today for my ds i am really trying, all i want to do is go to bed but i cant.

yeh the doctor knows the reason why i had a termination ruby, basically i cant physically emotionally or financially supprt another child.

all week i have been trying to keep myself busy, trying not to think about it maybe not the best idea.

even though you had your reasons for a termination you still need to grieve for the child you lost - try to be patient with yourself

Going out is such a mamoth task today,i dont think i can face the world.

i feel really angry and upset,i just want to sit and cry, instead i'm staring at the floor while ds wrecks the house, i dont have the energy to tidy it up or play with him, i know hes probably bored.

How are you doing mummy? Have you been able to go outside, even into the garden if not for a walk? Please be patient with yourself as willsurvive says, you have an enormous amount to deal with right now. Do you want to talk to us, do you want to talk about more about your feelings right now?

I couldn't face going outside today, i didn't even look out the window. I just want to be numb instead of feeling hurt.

I think i know where all this has stemed from. one of the said unsupprtive friends sent me a picture message of two positive pregnancy test with oops underneath. I phoned her in complete shock i found myself getting annoyed. Shes knew for a week, everyone else knows i was the last to find out. She said she didn't want to call last week for obvious reasons, but is still annoyed me.

i should be happy for her, she's always wanted a baby of her own but didn't think she could concieve. Instead i feel upset, depressed and i feel like i've failed. If i told my dp i doubt he'd understand.

I feel like if i actually say how i'm feeling then maybe people will think less of me, or think i'm attention seeking.

I've never felt so alone in my life

I am so sorry, it must be very difficult to you... do you have anybody to help you with baby?

no help, i live miles away from friends and family, i dont have a car and as we have recently moved i have very little money. I know i have no right to feel like this i made my bed, i know i made the right choice deep down.

why did you terminate?

we couldn't support another child financially, and i couldn't cope mentally or physically with another child right now. It was totally the wrong time.

I hope you get better!

It takes along time to heal, but remember you are going through the baby blues period just as if you had given birth to your baby. Ask your GP, there should be some help available in the way of someone to talk to about this, a specialist who understands.
I think it is important to let it all hang out at this point and be open with your emotions that are all normal to have.
Please talk to your GP and look after yourself.

How are you feeling today? Do you feel up to going outside or playing a little game with your ds. Perhaps you could sit with him while he tried some drawing or something. Thinking of you, I am in and out today but will keep logging on in case you want to talk.

I made myself go out all day today, it was still on my mind though. I think i might go and see my gp and let them know how i'm feeling. thanks for helping me everyone, i really appreciate it.

I am so glad you got out yesterday, it was good advice from ruby. Hope you are doing ok today, look after yourself.