No problem, my pleasure. If anything I can share will help then its all good.
Yes I think CBT can do more harm than good, you're right. I remember when I was doing it in group therapy, we were all too much of a mess to get anywhere with it, and although some of the ideas rang true and I liked trying to make some headway by trying it, it wasn't until my life improved and the depression calmed that I could think clearly about that stuff.
I'm not on any meds any more. I was for a very long time. I was on Citalopram (maximum dose), Quetiapine or Olanzapine (antipsychotics) and Valium sometimes too. The antipsychotics had a good value. I was completely climbing the walls without them, I had endless gruesome images in my head, a horrible voice saying terrible things and I had urges to do very violent things to myself. They turned me into a complete zombie but that was far preferable to being sectioned. The antidepressant (Citalopram) didn't do bugger all, I don't think. I was just as anxious and still heavily depressed. In my experience, antidepressants don't actually get to the root of the problems which have caused the depression, its kind of like sticking a plaster on a wound.
If you're not ready to come off them though then don't- you can always lower the dose in the future instead if you wish. I spent a long time weaning myself off all the drugs, and the gradual process helped me to find my feet with not taking them and feeling ok about it. Sometimes GPs will just stick you on them and want to keep you on them as they see it as an easy way to level you out, but its not always helpful when you could be seeing a therapist instead. I read you're on Clompiramine- I've never tried that one myself. Sometimes if you google about antidepressants you'll find helpful info about how other people have coped on it/ found it to use. I wish I'd done that sooner with Citalopram because it turned out to be a massive weight gain one. Do you see a counsellour/ therapist?
Everyone is so individual in terms of what will help them recover I think. For me, I needed love in my life and stability, and through my sister and dh I found that. For others, it could be that exercise/ a new direction helps give them energy and zest for life, or maybe changing jobs/ homes/ relationships or working through bad experiences with a good counsellour. At the psych unit I met people who had gone through things so shocking that you wouldn't believe; some were ready to recover and some weren't. But everybody can recover when they find their individual way to it.
I have to work at it, though, even now when my life is good. I listen to completely different music and watch different films to what I used to, as a lot of things will tap into the dark side of my brain and leave me feeling upset or disturbed. Ditto novels- I can't read most of them. Plus I lost contact with my psych unit friends which as it turned out did me a world of good as when I was trying to break free they were still in a dark place, and I needed to leave all the dark side of my life behind (But I should point out that these were not your average depressed people, they were extremely severe and always in hospital).
Also, my family are very clued up about what starts me going downhill, and my dh is a level-headed positive person who knows exactly how to help me if I struggle. There is huge value in having positive people around you, I had to have a complete reshuffle and cut some people off who I had been wallowing with/ commserating with for a long time.
But, like I said, everybody is different. You can and will find your way out of the tunnel. God if I can, anyone can. Trust me!
Just take baby steps and do whatever you need to do to stay functioning and build the things you enjoy into your day. You'll know when you're ready to lower or come off the meds eventually.
You can do it!