stuck in a rut

[thesunshinesbrightly]

Have been having strong feelings of sucide, ive had enough,going to write letters for my children and explain why they will be better off without me, my life is falling apart and i can't stop it think i'm just prone to bad luck and a shit life.

Anything i have forgotten should i do them like a little box or something?

Sorry to be blunt sunshine but you don't have a clue what you are doing. Said with love you are a total idiot and you need to get help now. Feeling content that you know you are going to kill yourself is a sign of deep depression. And your kids will never be ok after your suicide. Ever. They will still hurt when they are 60.

I've been to that place - I've walked out of the house planning never to come back ever as ds would be better off that way. I know now it was a lie and I want you to find that out too.

Thank you both.

No i don't have depression and i don't need help, i dont need anyone telling me i'm not a fit mum, i want to spend time with my kid's. Thank you all for your concern.

Willsurvivethis - well done for being strong and coming out the other side.

Yes you do have depression - I recognise your tone from my dh's shittest days when he would say oh it's all so clear now, I can see it I'm just rubbish, life is rubbish and ending it is the best for everyone. In a nice calm cheerful voice. God that used to scare me sick. He's accepted help and is getting better now.

You can do whatever you like. I just want you to stop pretending that your kids will be ok because they will not. I want you stop lying to yourself about that bit.

Pretending? I'm not, they will be and they know how much i love them.

Do you know how to delete a thread? or do i have to report it.

I'm sorry I need to bow out

Am battling my own suicidal feelings atm (but with guilt towards my child)and I can't help you.

That's why i'm trying to find out how to delete this thread but no one knows how to or they are just ignoring me and my question i posted.

I won't stay on here and argue about who feels more guilty if you don't think i am you are seriously wrong but their is not one thing i can change and i know that.

I'm not claiming the moral high ground - I jsut want you to stay here for your kids sake

P.s

I didn't posted here for help, i posted a question that not one single person has answered.

well wrong question maybe - have you considered that - we are here to support each other in staying in not getting out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry was meant to be going wasn't I

Thesunshinesbrightly did you really think someone would answer your initial query? It breaks my heart to think about it. It was such a sad question. I just hope you don't do what you are thinking of doing. Please don't.

Yes i thought i may of got at least one answer.Im sorry it makes you sad.

Anyway, i have to go my partner will be here soon so i have to delete the history just incase he decides to be a nosey bugger and i don't want him knowing anything.

I would like to apologise to everyone that was trying to help me the other day.
I have decided to get help after alot of thinking.

Anyway just wanted to say sorry to whom i upset.

sunshine I'm just so glad to hear that!

don't worry about upsetting people - this is at least one place you can be honest about how you feel.

Sunshine I am so pleased to hear that. No offence was ever taken on my part, so no need to apologise. Willsurvive is right this is a safe place to be honest.

How are you feeling today?

Thank you.

Was really worried i had upset you all.
I'm not to bad have had a couple of panic attacks today but not sure where they have come from as i haven't been anywhere.

Going to make appointment with the doctor first thing monday morning.

That sounds like a good idea, will you be able to be get an early appointment, or is your practice really busy? I hope that you get throught the weekend without any more panic attacks, thinking of you.

No need to apologise Glad you're going to get some help - good luck xx