Sooo, I had NO kids last night ...

[Disenchanted3]

After feeling alot better over the last month I decided to let my mum have the boys over night.

Yesterday morning I was feeling brave so called my sister and asked if she would have DD (shes wanted to mind her for gaes...)

What a disater, the kids were fine by the way! DD didn't even ask for me all night! but it was me.

Fistly, AF came yesterday - typical first nigth alone with DH for 5 years and that happens.

But we decided to go out, only to the cinema and pub dinner. Get on bus, get to cinema and I burst into tears There were just so many people and I just didn't like it.

DH cuddled me and instead we rossed the road to Tescos, got some goodies and got back on the bus and ordered a curry at home.

Was nice but I could not sleep, all night I was freaking out because of the kids.

I think I'm developing panick attacks, my head was throbbing and I felt disorientated and my chest felt tight and my breathing was shallow.

Then I woke up at 7am! so no lie in either and Icouldn't get back to sleep.

So now im knackered and just want my kids back!

My head wasnn't throbbing in pan, it was just like a weird, spaced out throbbinbg btw.

The head throbbing is all anxiety related isn't it? I'm sorry I don't know your history Disenchanted.
Well done you for trying to go out etc.
You must keep doing it....face the fear. It will get easier the more you do it.

They boys used to go to my mums every few weeks, but I had a night like last night about 4 months ago, well worse really and they haven't been since.

I think it was more DD than the boys, shes still a baby so I found that incredibly hard.

Luckily DH is fabuolus and was more than happy to go home.

Your DH sounds very supportive. I agree with the others that you need to keep encouraging yourself to take small steps to face your fears and to keep reassuring yourself that the anxiety feelings are just feelings. By changing how you think about each situation you can change your feelings so that you do not suffer so much. When you feel panicky do you ever get a pen and paper and write it all down so you can look at what's bothering you rather than have it all swirling round in your head?

OK, so you had a lovely night in with curry and goodies. DH was caring and understanding. Kids were absolutely fine. These are all major positives and what you must focus on. Well done!

Cinemas are busy so maybe that was just the wrong choice for now. Also af would probably be exacerbating things. Try again - go to a quiet pub, and if your cycle is regular try to time it differently.

How lovely is your DH, mine is good like that too and it really helps doesnt it. Lots of things there would make me feel exactly the same as you did. AF, bus trip, cinema, lots of people, kids being away...can definatey relate to head throbbing, feeling spaced out and "unreal" Totally awful. I agree with the poster who said you have to change the way you feel about the situation. Its so hard to do and im still practising but by doing that your feelings change too.

Maybe try again when you dont have your period. Try to look forward to it. Know that your kids are fine where they ae and its only a few hours. Hopefully that will make you feel better. Also sitting at the very back of the cinema helps me, so you are not in the centre surrounded by all those people.

Hope you are ok, dont beat yourself up about it. Accept it as a little setback and aim to try again soon.

If only i could take my own advice! lol

He is,

I was 'excited' for days before when when it came to it, then it was just not fun at all.

Was a nice evening, but would have been nicer if the kids were tucked up in bed upstairs!

They are all home

Maybe you're trying to do too much too soon.

Can you get a babysitter to come to the house for a few hours and go out with DH somewhere familiar and "safe" (safe to you iyswim)

I had crippling anxiety at the start of this year. I had CBT, and found that coming off the pill and taking vit b supplements helped ALOT. A huge weight was lifted from me just by telling my GP how I was feeling and her reassurance that I was not alone and there are effective ways to manage anxiety.

Hope you try again soon. I'm sure you'll be enjoying child-free nights out soon.

accidentalchickenkeeper thats a good idea, get your dsis to babysit and so you can have a nice night out safe in the knowledge your dcs are at home in bed (ok maybe not in bed) and then build up gradually to them staying out again.

Yes, I said this to DH.

Next time will ask MIL to come to ours and we can go somewhere, maye a week day too so it not as busy as Friday night.

AccidentalCK I have come off the pill for that reason, will look into vitB too,

thanks for that.