Am I expecting too much of DH

[ready2pop]

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I had DS1 2 years ago. I'm taking ADs and do CBT every week. Slowly starting to feel a bit better.

The problem is I have just realised that the catalyst for me feeling worse is always DH. Nothing he really says more what he doesn't amd I don't know whether I expect to much of him or he is just useless.

He won't talk about my depression or emotions at all. When I am bad I self harm. DH has seen the marks and knows from my psych report that I have been doing it (I had to force him to read the report and the psychiatrist wanted to see him but he hasn't bothered to go) but he has never mentioned it. He just won't discuss anything emotional with me at all.

I've asked him to talk but he says there is no point because nothing he says will make a difference.

I really don't know what to do - I can't carry on like this but he won't even discuss our problems. I just don't feel that he cares about me at all any more.

Sorry that was longer than I thought.

Have you thought of couples counselling?

It's so hard for partners though, he's probably in denialabout how ill you are

Is he trying to be 'the strong one' and therfore not willing to talk about his feelings about your illness and how it makes him feel? Or is it just a refusal to deal with it at all? Sorry to hear that you are going through this btw, ready2pop.

hmmm, you really need to sort this out with your DS. Do you think your relationship with him may have anything to do with your PND/selfharming?

If he won't talk to you about any of it, it must be immensely frustrating.

Sorry you're feeling so low at the moment, and hope you start to feel better very soon

Thanks.

You are spot on Funnysinthegarden - it is just so frustrating and yes I am pretty sure that my probs with DH are now at the root of my PND.

Have suggested couples counselling but DH won't go. He thinks all counselling is self indulgent hippy nonsense . He is very traditional and thinks that the answer to any problem is to put on a brave face and get on with things.

I think the problem is I an just so angry with him for not supporting me through this. All I need him to do is ask how I am doing now and then but I don't think he really accepts that I am ill at all. I suspect he thinks it is all just attention seeking.

I am starting to think that the only way I'm going to break this cycle is to leave him - even if only temporarily until I'm better. That will be hard for the DCs though - they are only 1 and 2.

sorry ready meant DH and not DS

Does your DH know that your relationship is in such trouble?

Am so sorry that you have got to this point when your children are so young.

If he really won't listen though, and insists there is nothing wrong, then you may well have to give him a bit of a shock and leave, until he realises how serious it is.

Good luck, hope you can find a way to work things out.