lonely

[samoa]

I have a 5mth dd and am, for the moment, a SAHM. I really enjoy spending time with my dd but am feeling desperately lonely. I thought that being a mum I would make friends with other mothers in the area etc. but this has not been the case. In the prenatal class I was seen as the 'foreigner' (I live abroad) and felt a bit of an outcast, so I do not socialise with them. The few friends I have are working and without children.

So this has been the loneliest I have felt. I just spend all day with my dd. We can't even go out during the day at the moment because it is 37 degrees, too hot for dd. My husband comes home about 7pm, so I spend from 9am to 7pm completely by myself with the baby. I can't talk to my husband about it because he will just say that I am complaining.

I have been moving countries since I was a child so I now find myself at a point in my life where I do not have a stable group of friends. But I have to say that this has been the loneliest I have ever felt. I did not know that motherhood would make me feel like this .

Hi Samoa, I've never posted before on MN so hope this gets to you, sorry to hear you're not happy, my hubby also works long hours, but he's able to work from home at least 2 days a week so I do have company, but some days, like you, I'm at home along with DD, and she's not the best conversationalist (6mo). It does get me down, so I have to push myself to go out, even if it's to walk to the local shop (mile away), that could be the only person I speak to all day, but at least it's out, and you feel a little better that you've achieved something that day.

THanks Bonster1. I usually go for a walk around 6pm because during the day it is too hot (37 degrees at mo). But even then I do not have anybody to talk to. I feel like I live my days in silence, except for keep dd occupied. I just never expected it to be like this and am starting to regret all this.

hello samoa, I am sorry you are feeling so lonely. I'm feeling exactly the same. I joined mumsnet 2 mins ago (because of lonelines and boredom)and yours is the first message I have read. I gave up work last year because my husband and I took on 2 children (ds 7 amd dd 5)for adoption and we have no one to help with childcare. Like yourself I have not managed to make friends with local mums. Like yourself, I have moved around a lot(within UK) and have not got family or many friends nearby. I feel I have nothing in common with the the mums at my children's school and although they are quite pleasant and polite I do not think any real friendships will develop. I do not know what to say to help you, except I really do know how you are feeling and I am thinking about you

Thank you lazylizzie for your support. I am sorry that you are feeling like that as well. I also feel like I have not much in common with the mums I have met. Thinking of you too .

It's good to know that others are in the same boat (in a guilty kind of way, not wishing others to feel bad). Some days are better than others, but on the bad days I start to think that I'm not a good mum and what the hell have I done, that my daughter is suffering because I'm not happily playing with her 24/7 and enjoying not being at work etc. It is difficult to explain to hubby, I bet he wouldn't understand as he goes to work and isn't tied down completely with a baby, but I do suspect that if you talked to some of the other mums they would confess to feeling the same soetimes, it's just that this topic is a bit taboo, especially in UK, admitting emotional stress is a sign of weakness. People don't like to talk about this sort of stuff, why do you think we have so many helplines? I haven't joined any clubs locally, but do occasionally meet up with the other mums from my NCT class, however, the only thing we have in common is our babies, so that's all we talk about, which sometimes isn't helpful. I find it difficult to fit in with others, as many people are so judgmental, and if I feel low I guess I find it easier to stay at home rather than make the effort to interact with others.

Bonster1 I feel exactly the same. Sometimes I also feel guilty about not playing with my dd 24/7 but then I think to myself "well who does anyway?!"
I do not really discuss how I feel with anyone because I do not want them to think that I am complaining. But I do not feel like I fit in with others eithers and feel forced to make friendships with other mothers just because they are mothers. THis depresses me because the only thing that we have in common are our babies.
As far as I am aware there are no helplines here. I did go to my the mothers group but felt like I was treated like the 'foreigner' and it just depressed me even more as I had absolutely nothing in common with these women.
Anyway, in a few weeks I will be going to visit my family and I hope that will make me a bit more positive about the situation!

hello my DD 13m and I feeling lonely and trapped, realising i cannot do anything for me without childcare for years again, altho childcare easier as they get older, then school, am going back to work parttime in 2d, cant wait! is there sure start in your areas? they have classes, but not the same as doing something for me i have found (which when baby to little for childcare and no family help is tough) samoa maybe ur family can come and see u and help a bit if u be jonest with them?

i mean honest not jonest