how do i help a friend with depression/stress

[racmac]

As the title says - how do i help?

I want to tell her that there is plenty she can do to help herself and sitting at home moaping is not the answer.

But i am also very aware that its probably not the right thing to say and i dont have much experience of depression.

I want to help - i dont want her to be thinking fuck off you dont know what you are talking about

you can tell her she can go to gp.

Is she being treated for depression do you know? Or is needed a gentle push to go to GP?

she has been to gp and told its stress i think and was already on pills

I would never have appreciated a friend telling me how to look after my depression. I would have appreciated a friend telling me, that they were worried about me would I like to go out for a drink/lunch etc and that they were always there to talk to if I needed it.

maybe the pills didnt suit well, or dosage wasnt good.

The thing is with depression, you're not 'moping', you just don't feel like going out or don't feel that you can go out.

so would you prefer somebody to say nothing or to try to bolster you up and say come on you can do it Ill be there with you?

i would prefer the second option, go with her.

RACMAC - why don't you find out more about depression - there are loads of websites just by putting "depression" into google. Anxiety and depresssion go hand in hand usually. As SNell says people who are depressed are not moping. Depression is a truly horrible illness because it makes you feel despairing and despondent and lose all motivation in life at times, and then when it has emptied you of the life that used to be in you and closed you down , it has a little trick up its sleeve. It prevents you from doing the things that you need to do, eg socialising, exercise, eating well and doing all the things that you did before. I am of course describing severe depression.

If you can gain more knowledge about depression and anxiety you will be in a better position to help your friend. Never never tell her to "pull herself together" because this just isn't possible. Give her time and space to talk about how she feels...................and don't feel you have to have the answers - sometimes people just want to talk about their feelings.

It isn't clear from your post whether you are aware of any medical treatment she is getting. Has anyone suggested some kind of counselling or therapy. On a practical level you could offer to go for a walk with her, for a coffee or something not too taxing and sometimes people who are depressed may need a little encouragement to do things like this. Tell her to be kind to herself and reassure her that in the vast majority of cases, people do recover from depression.

Sorry if I sound a bit preachy but having had 2 major episodes myself (just coming through one at the moment)I do know how important it is for others to understand as much as they can about this illness, as so many people just don't understand why you can't get motivated and get on with life and that in itself causes so much distress to the person who is suffering. It is like asking someone with a broken leg to do a hill climb.

Hope your friend gets well soon and I'm sure you will be a good and supportive friend.

Don't tell her that sitting at home moping is not the answer. She knows that, yet is unable to even contemplate doing anything else.

go and visit her if she'll let you. Offer to have her kids while she showers (if she will shower). What's the state of her house like? Offer her some help if she is a house neglecter. Fetch her some bread, some milk, and do her pots and wipe her sides down. My sister did this for me once and it made my whole day look brighter, because to prepare food wasn't a fight I couldn't take on.

that sums depression up really - when I was depressed and angry I'd have taken on Mike Tyson bareknuckle - but my kitchen, the idea of going into my kitchen and handling it, made me actually cry.

Just go and make tea, fix her some lunch. Even if she gets up to stop you interfering (as I would have done) - she's got up.