TTC conceive 4th child, insanity?

[CustardCreams8]

Having my coil removed in a couple of weeks.
I have 3 children aged 10, 8 & 7. My OH keeps saying he wants a 4th. I have been hesitant but have suddenly felt broody again. Anyone else in/have been in a similar boat? Are perimenopause hormones playing mind tricks on me?

After a 7/8 year break? Absolutely not.

You are in the perimenopause stage and want another child?

I’m in the same stage and to me that’s nuts! I’m ready to wind-down not wind-up.

Yes, insanity. 3 children is MORE than enough for anyone

I’m 40 this year… I sort of feel like it’s now or never. The thought of never gives me this feeling of grief.

Well then it’s the right decision for you. It doesn’t matter what we think.

Just to add: as long as you can afford to have 4 children and the tax-payer isn’t footing the bill!

Come on. It's really crazy. Just be content with what you have. The planet is so vastly overpopulated already and environmental crisis is very real.

christ no. What if there’s something wrong with it? Quit while you’re ahead

We pay our taxes and don’t rely on benefits. Our home would have room for a 4th too.

I had a stage of feeling like you but dh said no.

I am now so glad. The amount of time, energy and money that teenagers take up was a complete shock to me. Juggling 3 very different children who need lifts everywhere and cope differently with puberty and secondary school is a full time job. I categorically couldn't be also toddler wrangling and getting up at 5am!!

I must admit if my OH said no then I wouldn’t think about it. He comes from a big family and it’s chaos, but wonderful. I can imagine 3 teenagers is a lot though, the food bill alone!

Food, including for their friends
Activities, including exam and show fees
Driving lessons/car/insurance
Mobile phones and tech
Clothes, shoes, uniforms, sports kits
School trips, residentials, activity weeks
Allowance

And thats before supporting them if they want to go to uni.

DH and I both have multiple siblings and fun family lives but didn't have our own rooms and couldn't pursue our hobbies/interests and weren't supported with learning to drive or uni. We want to be able to offer those things to ours.

If you both want to do it and you have the money, space and time and have the support network that means that you can do all the lifts and facilitate teens life at the same time as managing a toddler bedtime routine etc then all power to you.

Children are by far cheaper during their younger years inspite of activities, tennis lessons, music etc., than the teenage years. I guess it depends on how much you want to provide for them. But giving teens great years full of trips, sports, activities in a comfortable home, leading to university educations including a masters, is not cheap. Driving lessons included of course too. Its eye watering. Crack on though if you can afford it with ease. But still educating, and paying for their education in your 60's is restricting of many people's retirement plans.

We have 4, ranging from 25 to 16

Never any regrets - though now we are pushing 60 we know we can't afford to retire until the youngest is through uni.

Oh, I always regret being too cowardly to go for a fourth. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do, op.

Absolutely not, it's not fair to your current children to have their parent's attention and time split even more thinly. I'm one of three and we never got any 1:1 time with either one of my parents. I feel broody every time I ovulate, doesn't mean having another baby is a good idea.

She's considering a fourth, this isn't 22 kids and counting, don't be so dramatic.

I was hoping for at least one person to give a more positive viewpoint. We live in a safe close knit community by the coast, everything is walking distance and we spend most of our time outdoors. The baby years don’t worry me, the toddler years I know would be a challenge and then once it reaches school age then it’s smooth sailing again. Surely somebody else is in a similar situation? Maybe they are just too busy to be posting on Mumsnet 😂
As for big families being detrimental to environmental crisis, I hear that argument but we try to do our bit (solar panels, electric car, buy second hand etc)

Yes I feel I wouldn’t regret it.
Id love a crystal ball to see what my life in my 60s would look like. I feel so conflicted 😐

Why ruin the nice days out and holidays you can now have with the kids all at nice ages with nap routines, tantrums, one of you sitting out and early bedtimes?

My 4th is absolutely delicious and a complete gem. I think you should go for it!

If you're conflicted, don't. What on earth can a fourth bring that 3 don't already?

I suppose it’s the lens I’m looking at it through. Some days it’s how you word it “why ruin the nice days…”. Then sometimes it’s more wouldn’t the nice days feel even more full? I could also imagine my older 3 just loving having a baby in the family to fuss over. Some days I’m wearing rose tinted glasses, other days it’s like grey tinted glasses… I’d love to know the reality 😆

Love this ❤️

Im sat here with my 10 week old daughter and I'm 40. Shes my 5th. My others are 19 (m), 16 (f), 12 (m) and 8 (m). I have no regrets. It feels so much better this time around. My others are older and dote on her (especially her big sis 🥰)

Think i was possibly perimenopausal before i conceived. My cycles were getting shorter before I conceived. I swore I was done on my 4th. Then I had the opportunity to have one more and i was like if it happens it happens. To be honest seeing my periods were changing I didnt hold much hope but im sat here with my perfect little miracle 🥰

Some may say its insane but to me its not. Remember everyone's opinions are different. At the end of the day its up to you and your husband. Ive not had a single regret having my baby girl.

A 4th child would bring so much. My first 3 are so different. I also love the bond they have with each over. It’d be beautiful to watch another bond. My list of pros equals the list of cons… but then I know the cons wouldn’t be cons if I actually had the 4th.