TTC conceive 4th child, insanity?

[CustardCreams8]

Having my coil removed in a couple of weeks.
I have 3 children aged 10, 8 & 7. My OH keeps saying he wants a 4th. I have been hesitant but have suddenly felt broody again. Anyone else in/have been in a similar boat? Are perimenopause hormones playing mind tricks on me?

I love this!! Congratulations. Reading this makes me so broody… the idea of watching that bond of the older siblings with their little brother or sister that I just love!! Plus topped with my middle child asking me weekly that he wants me to have a baby, it really pulls on my heart strings!

I think you are asking 2 questions.

One is about having another child.

The other is having a baby when all your other children are close in age with each other and already in high school or late KS2 primary.

I would (and will!)🤷‍♀️. I'm one of four and loved it. Had plenty of one to one time too.

they might feel fuller for you, but not for them.
Cooing over a cute baby is one thing, but seeing their disappointed faces when you say 'we need to go home now/no we can't all go on a family cinema trip/we can't go out for dinner' is another.

I am one of 4, my youngest sibling is 8 years younger than me.

I never resented them in the way you describe, and we had barely a pot to piss in.

I would agree. Fun is what you make of it… we don’t do regular trips to the cinema now as a family, maybe as a birthday treat. However we do have family movie nights at home & microwave popcorn… my kids are satisfied with this 🤍

No I wouldn’t, it’s a big gap, your older ones need you for their teen years, and younger one would have a lonelier childhood watching older siblings leave home. You are one lucky person in life, enjoy the next 10 years of them before they leave home

If you are healthy, have the energy, the time, the space and the money and you do not feel that it would have a negative impact on your existing children then go for it.

Yes this is something I wonder. I sort of feel my older 3 have each other, I do wonder if the youngest would feel lonely… although they’d have cousins quite close by that are close in age as my sisters in law are either pregnant or ttc… probably why I’m getting broody also. I suppose the 4th would have a slightly different childhood to my elder 3.

My friend’s DH is one of 4 and the youngest was born after a similar age gap and is severely disabled. His parents are now quite elderly and the siblings are under a lot of pressure to look after their disabled brother when they pass away.

I appreciate this is only anecdotal but I do think each pregnancy is a risk and in your situation I would be thrilled to have 3 healthy kids and focus my energies on the ones you have already.

I was unsure how my 8 year old would take everything but he loves her to bits. He wasnt too happy when I said we was having a baby but I downloaded an app where we could see what babybwas doing every week. Showed him scan pictures etc. He got the point he looked for the app everyweek we video called after she was born and he didnt seem that bothered. When we came home with her he couldn't wait for cuddles with her. He sat there so gentle and stroked her cheek while he spoke to her 🥹😭 one morning she did a dirty nappy and my 12 year old was nearly sick 😂 shes brought a lot more laughter and love to the family 🥰

Definitely a massive bonus having my older 2. My 16 year old daughter will say to her about having sissy time 🥰 shes currently doing her exams and she'll have her little sissy for cuddles while she revises. So cute to watch them together ❤️

Aww this is adorable 🥰

I do get anxious and this is also something I think of when I weigh up the decision.

The usual old guff about over population is not actually true. All industrialised countries have a negative population replacement which is going to impact future generations. We need more educated, earning people to pay tax to support public services and pensions/welfare payments for the aging population. Your non-benefit reliant family sounds the ideal scenario in which to contribute to society and another child would be a plus.
The current average birth rate is 1.4 children per woman. Way below the 2.1 replacement rate required.
Yes, our population is increasing but that is related to immigration. I am not going to knock it because there are many positives to it - but the fact is that a high percentage will necessarily need welfare support especially in the early years from arrival. So babies from non benefit reliant families who have a realistic ability to grow up and be good tax payers are actually needed.

Go for it @CustardCreams8I have 3 with the last a 7 year gap and 20years on they are still all as thick as thieves.

I would go for it but then I’ve always wanted 4. I can’t say whether it would be the right decision for you or not. You know your own family best.

Currently 36 weeks pregnant with baby number 4 at 38, my older kids are 21(m) 20(m) and 16(f) also have an 8 month old DGD. Everyone has told me I’m absolutely crazy to have another but myself and DH feel we’ve absolutely made the right decision for us and our family. We don’t claim benefits and have the space at home so it’s really not anybody else’s business.
I was a big believer in I’d rather regret something I’ve done than regret not doing something, I’d say go for it

Aww congratulations, you must be so excited!

And what happens if your 4th doesn’t sleep for years, tantrums a lot, or for whatever reason isn’t a cute poppet who fits in with everyone else? At that point your other children are likely to be resentful of the disruption the new baby causes, the fact they don’t have your attention when they are tweens and teens, the things they can’t do because of naps or you’re too tired or whatever.

Or what if one (or more) of your older kids needs significant support during the teen years but you are too busy with a toddler? Your kids are in the easy years right now but with 3 it’s quite likely at least one of them will have a rough teenage period.

And that’s not even considering the risk that the 4th might have long term additional needs. Statistically more likely as you get older.

Quit while you’re ahead I’d say. It is totally normal to feel a sense of grief that there will be no more babies, and a sense of broodiness for the baby days as your kids grow up. That is not a good reason in itself to have another one.

A puppy would bring your DC all the joy and none of the downsides. Just saying.

I hear you on some of your points.
However I’m not sure a puppy is the answer I’m looking for 🤣

Well I hated being the eldest of 4, my youngest sibling is also 8yrs younger, it was shit, my life would have been better without the last two tbh.

I honestly wouldn’t bother asking randoms on MN what they feel about your lifestyle choices.

Our 4th completed our family. She is adored by her older siblings. It’s a very personal choice only you can decide if it’s right or not.

I wouldn't, with the ages that your DC are. If your youngest was 2 then that would be different, but yours is 7. That means 8 years (at least) between no. 3 & 4 and that means you'll be having to deal with DC and school and the tyranny of the school year timetable for an additional 8 years, which I would never choose. DH and I are counting down the years until we are free of school holidays. We have three more years to go and can't wait! Right now you're 39 and will be 'free' of school stuff at 50, which is brilliant, but have another baby and you'll be stuck with it until you're 58. That would be a no-brainer for me. Stick with three!