Do mums actually have a choice about returning to work?

[Chanade]

How is it that so many mums are expected to go back to work so soon after having a baby, even when they don’t feel ready?

I keep seeing women juggling newborns, exhaustion, and work because financially they don’t have a choice. Is this just the norm now?

Genuinely wondering how people are making it work and whether anyone feels like they actually had a real choice in the matter.

After how many months are you referring to? Everyone I know took 9-12 months off and I am not in a well paid industry. I took 6 months off out of choice and I’m the only one I know who has done that.

That’s really interesting, and honestly reassuring to hear because it doesn’t always feel like that’s the reality across the board.

I think what I’m getting at is more the pressure behind the decision. Even when people do take 9–12 months, it often feels like that’s the maximum they can stretch to financially, rather than a completely free choice.

From what I’ve seen, a lot of parents would actually prefer longer, or a more gradual return, but bills, job security, and general cost of living make that difficult.

It just makes me question why something as important as those early months with your child can feel so time limited and tied to finances, rather than what families feel is best.

Maybe it varies a lot depending on circumstances, but it does sometimes feel like we’re all working within quite tight constraints rather than true flexibility

can stay off as long as you want, as long as you can fund it?

The choice is only available if the woman’s partner earns enough to enable him to maintain the household on just his salary and that he is happy to do so.

I don’t think many men are though.

Most people can't afford to stay off longer. I wish there was more choice for mums and dads. A couple of generations ago, it was unusual to feel rushed back to work. The fact that there is some free childcare, much more than there used to be, is another reason more mums work, but it isn't the only reason.
Some people are also judgmental about mums (and dads) not working, but I wouldn't let that bother you if you find you can afford it

Feels like rather a generalised journalisty question.

People take what time they can afford, balanced alongside their preferences. Famously, cost of living is getting more and more expensive. People who can afford to take time off can choose to do so. Some can’t afford to go back to work and pay for childcare too - costs cut both ways. And all balanced with what the parents both want too. If you have money you have more choices, as ever. Very few people are going to have a “completely free choice” given it has a large financial implication.

But everything anyone does is tied to finances.

10 years ago with my dc i had a year off. It was also my choice to return to work and I returned for 3 days a week until DC was 2.5 then got a promotion. It was all my own choice. Dh supported me through mat leave I was on SMP only and would have supported a longer time off or no return/longer PT so I suppose it depends on your circumstances. If uou have a massive mortgage/huge bills then having more time off will be harder to achieve

Take as long as you like. Its a choice like most things in life.

It’s just down to money isn’t it.

One wage won’t cover the costs of running a household, so there isn’t much choice in going back to work - as you need the money.

It shouldn’t be a problem with progressive employment policies and fathers taking their full paternity leave and taking equal responsibility for their children. The responsibility should not lie just with mothers and provided fathers do their equal duty everyone can be supported to have good work-life balance.

You can choose to save before you have a child (arguably a much easier time to do so than after having children!) and use these savings to pay for a longer maternity leave, if that's what you want to do?

Remember year long maternity leave is a fairly recent concept. My children are early 20s, and no one had a year off when my children were little.

I haven't had to pay FT nursery fees since 2007, it was £25 per day back then and housing was much cheaper. One wage did cover everything for us and very easily but I actually wanted to work and chose to return when DS was 9 months old though I could have taken a year off.

I would also ask why your saying women having to juggle, unless they are a single parent then the Father can and should do a lot. DH did all inset days for instance when the children were little as had more flexibility. He also did most drop offs for school in the morning. Poor thing was the only Dad doing drops offs and he felt a bit intimidated.

I had a free choice not to return to work as I had built up investments to provide me an income, and DH has a high salary. We live in a wealthy area so many mums I knew had enough household income not to need to work. Most of them did choose to return, partly because of the status and identity, so there are other social pressures beyond the purely financial. But I have chosen not to return to work as I don't personally feel that pressure, so it doesn't affect all women.

Huh what an odd question. And why just mums and not dads, who do you think will pay for them to stay home? Who will pay the bills?you?

This. I need to be a financial contributor to my household because we both earn similar amounts. If one of us earned much more than the other, it would be different.

I had a choice and chose to work. Best decision I ever made.

Eh? I’ve literally never known a woman to go back to work with a new born. But of course you have a choice, because you can save before you have children.

Everyone I know have had 10-14 months off. I tagged AR onto the end of my mat leave and had 13 months off. Felt like a really good amount of time. I went back PT.

I think a lot of women who decide to take extended time off past Mat leave in the early years (before school starts) are often shamed by other women.

I know I have been.

‘What is best for your family’
is what you’re saying, op, that you want other people to fund it?

Your choices start way before you decide to have children. And they are these

1. the choice to work hard at school and uni to get good qualifications (not always an option but mostly)
2. the choice to use those qualifications to get a good career going and start building savings and investments (and if you didn’t get them, the choice as an adult to invest in yourself)
3. The choice to find a husband who understands equality and that you will be 50/50 parents. Also who has followed 1 and 2.
4. to build more income together, buy a house as that’s often cheaper than rent, maybe get some passive income going
5. to choose a company with good maternity/paternity benefits

all of the above are choices

Women who go back to work are also shamed by other women.

Women need to stop shaming each other for their choices.

And I was shamed for going back to work full time.
We need to stop shaming women and support them instead. No two families are the same and we’re all
just doing what works best in our particular circumstances.

Absolutely this!

Then the misogyny from men and women about fathers stepping up and actually parenting their child too. When women are run ragged returning to work, how often do we see their partner just carrying on like they did pre baby?

You get 52 weeks maternity leave entitlement in the UK as an employee.