Do mums actually have a choice about returning to work?

[Chanade]

How is it that so many mums are expected to go back to work so soon after having a baby, even when they don’t feel ready?

I keep seeing women juggling newborns, exhaustion, and work because financially they don’t have a choice. Is this just the norm now?

Genuinely wondering how people are making it work and whether anyone feels like they actually had a real choice in the matter.

Back in 70s when I was born it was mostly SAHMs. My dad worked and was the provider. Later on some mums got part time jobs when the kids were at school.

FFW to 00s and a friend I worked with took I think a year out or returned earlier. She is an architect. Didn’t want her career to suffer. Eventually had live in au pair but kids in nurseries beforehand.

My SIL went back at 9 months with first baby, a year after with second. Had bills to pay but also valued her career. She found it tough to return after the second baby though, they were/are very close.

Why only mums? We need two incomes to cover our essentials, and we don't live an extravagant lifestyle. Even if we didn't, no way I could be at home full time with a toddler. it's our choice to have a child, I don't think we should get handouts for that reason. It's very easy to not have a child or more children if you can't afford it, despite what happens in some families! In the past it was much more feasible to live on a single income. Also more common to become a mum younger so less likely the mum would have been to uni or had a career beforehand, to return to / to progress.

Yeah good point. Once I was full time again, DH took a year long career break which was so amazing for all of us.

Deleted as posted on wrong thread!

I agree. My children are 28 and 26. With the first, I had 14 weeks of maternity leave on full
pay, which was considered generous at the time. Most people I knew were back at work when their baby was 3 months. I eked it out to 5 months because I had saved up all my annual leave from the previous year. In those days you didn’t accrue annual leave while you were on maternity leave, as you do now. There were also no paid KIT days.

With the second, I had 18 weeks of pay. I took a career break and didn’t go back to work until the oldest started primary school. Two children in full- time nursery was unaffordable, even on reasonable salary because there was no government help with that in those days and I also had a long (and expensive) commute to work.

I’m not saying everything is perfect now, but it’s easy to forget how much better maternity entitlements are than they used to be.

I think what I’m getting at is more the pressure behind the decision. Even when people do take 9–12 months, it often feels like that’s the maximum they can stretch to financially, rather than a completely free choice.

Well yeah, obviously it's not a free choice for most. As PP have said, you are only legally entitled to 12 months maternity leave from your employer so if you wanted longer you would need to quit your job and try to find a new one with the flexibility you now need due to your baby, which isn't an option for many as you are more likely to get some flexibility from an employer who already knows and values you.

I am the higher earner in my household and so I have had to save the cover the maternity leave I am about to take - my DH does not earn enough to pick up the whole slack while I'm off, or to allow me to go significantly part-time when I return to work.

Realistically you need a high-earning partner/very low outgoings to be able to take as much time off as you might like after having a child. I would imagine many would prefer to work minimally while their children are pre-school age and then return to work more fully once they are at school, but I don't know anyone in real life - aside from in my parents' generation - for whom this was an actual realistic option.

My DS’s are 28 and 34. I got max of 6 months mat leave which I took and added on some annual leave to increase it slightly. 6 months was the max statutory mat leave until 2003 so anyone who got more before then was very fortunate.

Great post.

The OP sounds like a journalist / AI.

There are lots of things I'd choose to do differently if finances allowed?

I went back to work full time after 3 months but that was by choice, not because I had to. Most mums I know take 9-12 months and then go back part time.

Because families can’t live on fresh air I view, even if it feels unfair to be limited for finance reasons, it is what it is. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have it 😔

I went back to work part time at four and five months each time. I absolutely had a choice. I didn’t really need to work and was only financially ‘breaking even’ for two years when both were in nursery.
That was 23 years ago now and given my time again would do exactly the same. It saved me and am retiring at 55 this year with a nice pension.