To start a family in 30s

[Newhere9]

Curious I'm a FTM at the age of 30... Me and my husband want more children in our family. My question however is have we left it too late to have a big family/ starting families in our 30s?... Most bigger families I know have their first in their 20s.

You can absolutely plan a family in your 30s. I don’t know where you’re writing from but in the UK, I believe the average age for a FTM is now near 30 and has been for some time.

We still have a fair way to go in terms of childcare and the cost of raising children (which are both factors into the decision of many couples to put off starting a family) but we also have far more means to support people choosing to start a family into their late 30s and 40s.

Go for it!

If you want 8 kids you’re pushing it.

You’ve probably got ten reasonable years to have babies, you could comfortably get 5 in if focused on it.

I had my kids at almost 38 and 41. Biologically you’re not too old at all. Most people I know (middle class, educated) don’t start a family until 30s. Many of those have had three children in their 30s.

To have more than two children and give them plenty of opportunities it seems to be that you need to be pretty well off. I think the question is be asking is not one of age but one of - am I financially secure enough to have a large family? Also - do I have a strong enough support network? The larger families I know that thrive have very engaged grandparents who are willing to do childcare and babysit as well as high earners and inherited wealth.

How many kids do you want?

Family size is influenced more by finances than age.
If you’re lucky and have no issues with fertility and pregnancy and your children are healthy you could probably have 4 or 5.
Are you both from big families yourselves ?

My sister in law had her 1st at 30 and 4th at 38. Not too late at all.

I had my first at 32 and felt young compared to my other mums I met. (This is sw London though). I would say you were young to have started at 30 and probably have another 12 years!

Ah wow, thank you for the reassuring replies. To be honest I think it's family/peer pressure as I am "late" in my sphere/world e.g. compared to my circle of friends who I grew up with - they have had all their children/on to their last when I'm on my first. Similar with my family (siblings/cousins), all completed their own families in their late 20s.

I prioritised my career in my 20s and I'm thankfully in a good career, as is my husband, so financially set us up well to have as many children as we desire... We are hoping to have 3 children (if we're lucky to be able to conceive) ideally an age gap of 3-4 years between each (to allow me to EBF up to 2 years and have a break) so I'll be 36/38 when I'm done and husband 42/44.

Weirdly I just had a post partum panic that I'd left it too late to start a family (I know hormones can make you more anxious...). I have had a great first pregnancy and birth (apart from having a 3b tear!), so no concerns health wise but always have a niggling fear that I had left it too late. Your replies have been reassuring!

I actually don’t know anyone in my circle of “mum friends” or school friends who has babies in their 20s. And no, I’m not in London. Like you, I sometimes think “if only I’d started earlier then I would have had more children.” But if I had started earlier then I know I would have lacked the patience I have now, and I would have lacked the financial resources that keep life ticking over. My husband and I were living paycheck to paycheck with huge professional and financial uncertainty in our 20s and had little headspace for anything else, never mind sleep deprivation and young children! Our fortunes changed dramatically in our 30s, thanks to the years we put in beforehand. We married and had our children age 33, 35 and 37. We can afford staff to help, we can both work part time and we both went into this certain that we didn’t “miss out” on anything in our 20s and we’re not longing to go back to that intense (and wonderful!) time in life, and are really enjoying this instead.

Besides, you might feel differently about having more children when this one is older or when the next one arrives. It’s exhausting and pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum takes a toll on a woman’s health.

Well done and enjoy your lovely baby!

I was 30 when we had our first and I felt like a teen mom 😂

It’s personal choice
I had my first at 22, I wanted 4 children, I stopped at 3 because I definitely didn’t want to have children in my late 20’s early 30’s

Absolutely not. My siblings started families in their 40s. It's not a matter of when, it's only about whether you can. So if you're healthy and fertile go for it.

That’s so unusual, I think the youngest in my NCT group was 33

I had my first at 28.5 yrs and my second at 30.75 years old.

32 soon, and debating having a third child.

IMO anyone suggesting having a child in even your early 30s makes you a young mum is absolutely delusional tbh. Nothing will make you feel your age more than having a baby.

I know many women who had children in their late teens and early 20s - it's a vastly different experience - though I'd never choose it for myself.

If you want more, have them as early as you can. Fertility is never promised regardless of what some on this forum may assert.

For context, I've lived in London my whole life.

Average age for kids is 30 at the moment. I would think about 3 kids though - it’s incredibly hard! Especially when it comes to cars/houses/holidays/activities. 2 years is a great age gap though and I had no issues with breastfeeding until 2 with any. Youngest still going at 2.5!

I have 3 children, had the first when I was 32 and the third when I was 40, Eldest is now 30 and even though people mostly had their children earlier back then I never felt old compared to the other Mothers. You can get 4 or 5 in by your very early 40’s if you go for it ! Although in my experience 3 is enough! 😀

"We can afford staff to help"
You employ staff to help with your children?
Are you a famous rich celebrity??

Hi @Queenofthestonage
You had you last baby at 40
You are now 62, so that child must be 22, am I right?
Please can I seek your advice?
How is it having a 22 year old when you are 62?
Does your 22 year old ever comment or notice anything about your age compared to his/her friends mums?
I had a baby at 40 (after a few years of fertility problems). That baby is now 11 and I'm 51. I am suddenly starting to feel much older than I did in my 40s when I still felt super young and invincible. I don't feel like that anymore over the past year. And now I've started to get anxiety about how old I'll be when my child is in their late teens/early adulthood. I'm worrying a lot about how my DC will perceive me, having a mum in her 60s when they're in their 20s.
So I'd love any sage advice from you!
(Sorry to derail thread!)

I'm in my 30s and have 3 kids.

Most people these days start their families in their 30s.
And it wasn't that unusual in the past either.
My mother had 6 children between the ages of 34 and 43

I think you should think about which is more important , having 3 babies or having them spaced out, as after 35 you may find you are less fertile. Or it may be fine, but just a thought.

Hi Yope
Yes I am 62, and you are right my youngest son is 22 (I have 3 boys) although I think as with most youngsters they all think me and my husband are ancient and like to take the mick 😀, none of them have ever commented on our age in comparison to their friends parents or made any comments about being embarrassed by us - not due to our age anyway! Luckily my husband and I are both pretty fit and healthy and still working so maybe that helps us to have more in common with them. My sister is 59 and has a 16 year old daughter, they are very close and spend a lot of time together. Don’t worry about your age, it really is just a number your health and outlook on life are what matters xx

In my circle of friends everyone had their babies in their 30s.

Of course you’re not too late.

I was an older mum and had my children at 36 and 38 (1 month from my birthday, this almost 37 and 39).

I did find it harder, I was used to being in a career with control and found with babies, I had none! I was definitely more tired than friends and now as my children are getting older, all our friends are enjoying a more carefree time as their kids fly the nest. I also need to accept that I may not become an active grandparent.

I wish I had my children, but sadly fertility issues (age related?) definitely impacted on me not being a younger parent....

My advice, if you want a big family don't wait longer!

The average age of first time mothers is over 30. Most families I know with three/four kids started in their 30s, and I had both mine in my 40s.
However, don’t get ahead of yourselves. Planning is one thing, the reality is something else. Take it one baby at a time and see how you feel.