To start a family in 30s

[Newhere9]

Curious I'm a FTM at the age of 30... Me and my husband want more children in our family. My question however is have we left it too late to have a big family/ starting families in our 30s?... Most bigger families I know have their first in their 20s.

The average age of a first time mother in the UK is 31. It is perfectly normal so I can’t really understand why you are concerned?

You're quite right in what you say here. From the other side of the coin we're a couple that are both 34 & the children are 16, 12 & 10. We would have loved to have another now but can't bring ourselves to do it because we would be such different parents this time around to what our other children experienced in their younger years, we struggled financially, patience wasn't our strong point & one of us was always long hard hours to provide meaning we felt we missed out. We've grown wiser, calmer and much more stable in all aspects of life that I just couldn't give all that to another baby, the guilt would eat me alive.

Being a young mum has benefits but honestly, I'd not want any of our kids to go the same route & frequently say to them that beginning a family at 30 is the ideal time.

I presume she means nannies? That’s hardly the preserve of “the rich and famous”. For many people there’s no other option because their working hours don’t correspond to the opening times of nurseries or their children have additional needs so cannot attend group childcare full time.

Seems ideal to be honest! You've both matured, settled, established yourselves and you're ready.

Advance warning - read everything you can on peri menopause because unlike those who had their children early, your peri will coincide with your children's puberty and teen years. And forewarned is forearmed.

Perfectly fine! Good luck with it all.

😂 😂 😂 Is it the 80s again?

I had my first at 33 and now 37 and going to give birth any day to number 4. Was helped by having twins first. But still you have plenty of time. I've had enough of being pregnant so won't do again but my mum was 42 when I was born so I imagine I could have enough 4 if I wanted to. And to add, that's with us struggling to get pregnant so all our children are IVF. You can definitely have more.

Gently, you should probably see how this one goes before you make such rigid plans about EBF and spacing. Also, how will that career be going after you've done that?

I work in a senior banking role and had to take 6 month mat leaves to have a hope in hell of keeping it. I also thought I wanted three until the second turned two.....

Both of my adult dd only want 2dc. Dd1 had her first at age 32 and is hoping to have number 2 when she is 34/35. Dd2 had her first aged 28 and is expecting her second at age 32 (she lost one last year). I'm sure they could squeeze in another 2 if they desired.
I had number 3 aged 37 and number 4 aged 42.

Goodness I thought you wanted to have 5 kids or something OP 😅.

I think you have time. Perhaps you'd have to have the 2nd baby and 3rd closer together if baby no2 took a while to happen. Congratulations and enjoy your baby!

@Yope I am 60 with a 17 year old and a 22 year old. The 17 year old thinks we are really old (exdh is 65)! I think you'll be fine, my oldest are 34 and 32 and I am so glad this will be my last year dealing with schools after 30 years. For me I've just been doing it for too long!

I had mine in my mid 30s and mid 40s and can't imagine doing it my 20s. That's robbing me of my entire wild youth. I needed that!

You're fertile for as long as you release eggs. It's the man's age that matters more. Men approaching 40 have higher risk of passing on genetic abnormalities, autism, and schizophrenia.

Ok I am the only person who thought FTM meant "female to male..."

Back on topic, I had my kids at 29 and (just) 32. I was the baby at 29 amongst my mat leave crew.

At the other end of the spectrum there were the "just out of school" mums in the 18-21 age bracket. But no-one in their mid-20s having kids.

This was 2008 - 2010, naice but Northern town

I didn't meet my husband until I was 32, married at 33. Had my son at 37. Would have had another child but it wasn't to be.

So did I at first. I was confused.

😅 my bad, sorry - first time mum. Not even sure why I abbreviated it tbh, must have been hasty in posting

Thanks all for the perspectives. Certainly interesting... Glad that there are lots of people who have started family in 30s. Obviously everyone is different health/fertility wise so will just have to see what our future holds and be proactive if we want more... For now we are for sure enjoying baby number 1

I have 3 children, had my first at 29 (just before I turned 30) and my 3rd at 33 (3 weeks after my birthday) I had a personal cut off date of 36, my mum’s age when she had me and we only wanted 3.

My only dampener would be the following:

1. What sort of lifestyle do you have now and what do you want to provide your children with? For me being able to afford at least 2 activities per child and a foreign holiday each year was a must. It was severely tested when 2 of them did a sport at a competitive level and it was £400 per month training costs. Plus also the time needed to take them to their activities.
2. How hung up are you on cars? Because once you get beyond 3 children and if you need to be able to fit 3 car seats in, you’re not getting a nice saloon car you’re joining us all in the mum mobile brigade.
3. The little human bit is incredibly short in the grand scheme of things, I’m now in teenage and perimenopause hell, first child has just done GCSEs and we will have GCsEs and A-levels for the next 6 years and for the next 4, two children will be sitting exams at the same time.
4. Future costs, just been to look at a university, not a London one, weekly cost for accommodation alone before food and books £194! And if all 3 go to university and do 3 year degrees we will have 2 in university together so double those costs.

So age isn’t the problem as long as you accept you won’t be retiring early no matter how old you are when you start and stop having kids 😂