Being an older mum, any regrets?

[SammiePocket]

After a misscarriage, multiple years of infertility and 2 more misscarriages, it's looking highly likely I won't be a mum until after I'm 35. We're hoping testing and the marvels of science help us conceive and keep a baby. (I'm 35 currently for reference) but as it stands I'll be deemed an older mum by the time it does hopefully happen.

For those of you who have had Children 35+ do you have any regrets? Any pros or major cons? I'm desperate to be a mum, but worry about the impact of having a child so late on (if we manage to have one that is) 😔 any reassurance would be greatly appreciated. Feeling very low atm. Thank you x

I had my DD at 36 and my DS at 38 and a half -- no regrets at all.
It's been great.
I'm 59 now with a 23 yr old and a 20 yr old and we are a loving, close family.
I wish you every luck with conceiving x

I was late 30's. No regrets at all. I had done the travel and nights out stuff, so never felt like I was missing out. Much more patience than i would have had under 30 too, which is of course tested every day! I hope that science will be on your side.

Only child through IVF/ICSI when 37, born when I was 38, dad 47. No regrets at all! DS now 25 and gorgeous, intelligent and successful.

I was much older than you - 41 when I had my first and 45 when I adopted. It was OK early years but I am feeling old and knackered now they are nearly adults.

The thing is, you ask about regrets but you only have the choices available to you at the time. Do I regret having my children? No. Do I wish I'd had them younger? Yes and I did try, but it didn't pan out and sadly you can't turn back the clock.

I had mine at 36 and 39. No regrets really, I do sometimes feel a bit sad that I might have less time with them because of being older when they were born and if they have children that I might not get to see my grandchildren reach adulthood. But these are fleeting thoughts and I'm very fit and healthy. I'm 50 this year and my youngest is starting secondary school but I don't feel old to be honest so my age doesn't really impact our family life.

I was 37, almost 38. Unfortunately only had one child but he’s an absolute joy. I’d done all the Stuff (travel, nights out) and really enjoyed the time with him. There was one “argh” moment when I’d been wfh (long before Covid) and wax looking a bit scruffy and un-made-up when a grandmother in the playground at collection time said “Ooh how nice, another grandma to talk to!”.
However, I’ve never particularly felt less energetic etc than others

I had mine at 35 and 39. No fertility issues, I just hadn’t met the person to have kids with. No regrets at all as if I had had them earlier I’d have been a single mum. Plus I did lots of travelling and advanced my career.

You can’t turn back time - the question is whether you are more likely to regret not having kids than having them at 35+?

Was almost 44 as Mother Nature didn’t play ball and took 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf to get my one and only ever bfp

she is now 8

i have no regrets - yes obv be nice to have been 33 rather then 43 but no choice in the matter

as older I have a good job. A forever roof over head as mortgage paid off

I’m in good healthy generally

I did the pubs clubs late nights drinking when younger so don’t feel I’m missing out

guess the only sad thing is that she only has one grandparent. My dad. Who is amazing. My mum died 3yrs before dd was born and dh parents both dead before she was born

tho also have friends who had kids at 25 and one gp as others died young

I had my first at 40 and my second at 42. My only regret/ worry is that I will die before they reach adulthood. I've had a few friend die recently aged 48, 52, 53 and that has really scared me. I actually developed a heart condition and some other health issues and I don't want to leave my babies until they are fully cooked.

Only that once I realized at the last minute that I wanted children I only had time for two. Not really a regret though-I wouldnmt want to have changer my life at all.

I had my first at 35, two more at 37 and two more after that at 39. i have never regretted one minute. For me, I was glad that I was older because I was so much more settled and organized. You'll be great!

I had DD at 29 with my first marriage and DS at 38 with my second marriage, hence the age gap.

No regrets at all about having DS after 35, if anything I have more patience this time around! I do worry I might not see my grandchildren into adulthood but my mum was 38 when she had me and my twin sister and she says those worries soon disappear and you enjoy each day as it comes, not looking to the future too much.

I had DD1 at 35 and DD2 at 38 both conceived the old fashioned way but I was lucky b/c at 39 I started peri (although I didn't realise it at the time). DH was 41 at the start.
Both DDs are lovely and I am very glad I had them when I did. Any earlier would have been too soon for me but any later and I'd have missed my chance.

Mind you, my mum tells about how when she was first pregnant at 26 (with me) the medics were chiding her about being an 'older mother' 😂

Not me but a friend had her one and only at 43. She struggles. Her DH is older than her and more at home with his retired friends who are ten years older. She does all the parenting but gets tired. DC is now a young teen and I think she actually yearns for the retired lifestyle of their friends!

It’s been great so far! I feel like my career is in a great place where I don’t have to worry about how being a parent affects it because I was already established. And I have a lot more patience and financial stability.

I was in my 30s and the only regret I have is this overwhelming fear that I won’t see much of my children’s lives. I find myself often doing the maths of how old I will be when they are XX years old. Which is silly really because the future isn’t promised to anyone.
But my moment of clarity comes from the fact that if I had had them earlier they wouldn’t be them IYSWIM, they would have been different people, and they are my favourite people in the world, so I’m glad I had them when I did.

Depending on your circle / where you live this is really really normal.

I had mine at 32 and I was the first of all my university friends. Most of them didn't get started until 35 and a couple have just had their third at 42-43.

Meant to add, wishing you all the best x

You will find a lot of women are having babies much later now. A family member who is 47 just had a baby after years of trying.

Also you will find that you may have more patience and time as an “older” parent. Maybe less energy, but all children want is your love… try not too put to much thought into it. Best of luck!

I had my eldest at 35 after numerous miscarriage and his brother at 38. Only problems I've had is being called their grandma.....more than once 🤣

Had Ds when I was 39 . He is now 10 and I feel as young as ever . I find that as parents we are patient and really cherish the experience. We own our house and have the time to focus time around him because I have already lived my youth of going out late , travelling , living abroad and am now happy to watch the films he likes , take him places I know he will enjoy .
The only shocker was when he came home telling me that they were studying the 70s in History ( I was born mid 70s , which he finds fascinating!)

I really wouldn't call 35+ an older mum by todays standards.

Are you talking about medically?

Had my DD at 36, no regrets because she is a delight, but I am permanently exhausted and it’s difficult dealing with a high stress job and toddler at the same time. I also had a fairly traumatic birth which can obviously happen at any age but chances increase with age. I have also really struggled to lose the baby weight, which I think would have been less of a factor if I were younger. As PP have said, it would have been ideal to do this younger, but life hasn’t worked out that way and I’m fine with that 😊

Omg I thought you were going to be 45. 35 is average age for first time mums in my circle in London. No regrets

Adopted at 44 after 10 years of infertility treatment. 60 now, no regrets, have loved it all. Would I like to have been younger? Yes, I would, but that just didn't happen despite my best efforts.