Stepson and holidays help

[Ona15]

Hi all I need some advice about stepson on holidays, we have a daughter that’s 8 years old and my stepson is 12, he lives his mum and spend weekends with us, problem started when we booked holiday abroad next year and it’s first without him (previous holidays he always went with us) adding him this time was nearly double the price, I work part time and try to save as much for kids as I can for holidays weekends and days out, stepson usually goes with us (weekend away days out) but lately he is making problem each time if we don’t take him with us (sometimes wile can’t) his mum is single working mum and he has brother with him, she has diffrent upbringing style than I do, he always wear designed clothes and shoes and has all electronic needed but she doesn’t take him away often as she can’t afford after what she spend on stuff for them, me on the other hand save, my daughter doesn’t have designer clothes or me I prefer spend it on holidays or days out, his mum expect us take him all the time and he also expect us take him all the time but we can’t afford that next holidays, he is really cheeky and say stuff to my daughter and started to be nasty, he demand a lot of us , he likes good brands and won’t wear cheap stuff, we explained to him situation, I understand he is upset but he wants the best of Botha worlds (don’t mean in bad way here) he is treated the same as my daughter when he is with us but it makes me sad the whole situation as I feel like I would be wrong doing anything without him, going see my family, visit my sister, him becoming so nasty to us and demanding it just puts me away of taking him even more, we work really hard and save to do things, his mum prefer diffrent lifestyle

We don’t split money we have all on one account and treat kids from there, he pays for his son each month and we still go half’s with his mum on a lot of things that he needs, he gets a lot from us apart from that too like I said weekends away days out, his behaviour isn’t just age, he is been like that as far I can remember (I know him 10 years) and we still was taking him go with us! I didn’t know that planning first holiday without him would be such bad thing in other ppl eyes!

You are coming up with excuse after excuse!! Yes he might be hard work and cheeky kids are! that doesn't mean you forget you have them, his dad has to deal with that behaviour or is it all down to his mum? dad takes both his kids or none you say you simply can't afford to take him find something cheaper then simple.

If it would be excuse I wouldn’t take him on 2 weekends away this year! Or week away last year! I wouldn’t be takim him away for Christmas this year!! Do I want to have quieter holiday once and no issue yes! But it doesn’t mean I love him less if I won’t take him on ONE holiday

Yeah your husband is a shit to take one of his children on holiday and not the other.

Good parents don't have favourites!

Most people could have better holidays if they only took their easiest child by the way - but most parents wouldn't do that.

@Ona15 you asked for people’s views. Most posters have said you’re being unreasonable. You clearly don’t think you are, and are going to do it anyway, so I’m not sure why you bothered asking.

BTW, please don’t come back in the future and tell us his behaviour is escalating and you don’t get on with him and you don’t want him visiting because that will be a situation you’ve created by making it clear he’s unwelcome.

You can't book a holiday without one of your DH's kids - not when he's only 12!

You need to amend the holiday to something you can afford for all 4 of you

Sounds like his Dad needs to be firmer in parenting and be clear what is expected behaviour wise, but that is absolutely not a reason to not take him

You knew when you and your husband got together (when the child must have been merely a toddler) that he already had a son. Did you think that the boy would fade away in time? Did you not realise that it would mean he was part of your family and would be part of your life forever?

Marrying someone who already has a child means you don’t get them all to yourself. It means they have obligations beyond you and your daughter. If you didn’t want that you should have married someone who didn’t already have these obligations.

OP how would you feel if you and your husband split up, he had another child and only saw your daughter on weekends, and took his new family on holiday and left her at home? Genuinely.

If it would be the only holiday I would be upset but if he would be big part of her days out and other stuff and other holidays I wouldn’t be sad if he didn’t take her as it would be time for me to take her too

This is why pooling finances in blended families causes problems. You didn’t answer the question about if you work though

Of course I work

OK that's fine.

I don't really know what advice you want though? Most people are saying it's not the right thing to do and will upset your stepson but if you're going to do it anyway and think it's OK, what are people supposed to say?

his mum... has diffrent upbringing style than I do, he always wear designed clothes and shoes and has all electronic needed but she doesn’t take him away often as she can’t afford after what she spend on stuff for them, me on the other hand save, my daughter doesn’t have designer clothes or me I prefer spend it on holidays or days out

All this comparing your parenting style to his mother's is odd. Where is his father in all of this? Taking a back seat?

I wrote it like that, maybe wrong way or meaning but didn’t meant to! She always compare MY life or my daughter life to her or her son that’s why I say we parent diffrent, she expect us taking him everywhere when she doesn’t, he really spend a lot of time with us, he spent most of school holidays here, he knows he is very loved, his dad has the same thinking as me in all of this that’s why I usually say we

You've spouted nothing but excuses and none of them justifies what you're doing to a child and they justify even less what his dad is doing to him. The fact you've had him for school holidays and days out and weekends away doesn't justity leaving him out. You wanting a quire holiday doesn't justify hurting a child which is what you're both doing. His mom's spending choices doesn't make what you're doing OK. You're excluding a child because you dont like his behaviour and you both weren't willing to change to a holiday you could afford to take ALL the family on. I'd be disgusted if my partner treated one of his kids this way.