Stepson and holidays help

[Ona15]

Hi all I need some advice about stepson on holidays, we have a daughter that’s 8 years old and my stepson is 12, he lives his mum and spend weekends with us, problem started when we booked holiday abroad next year and it’s first without him (previous holidays he always went with us) adding him this time was nearly double the price, I work part time and try to save as much for kids as I can for holidays weekends and days out, stepson usually goes with us (weekend away days out) but lately he is making problem each time if we don’t take him with us (sometimes wile can’t) his mum is single working mum and he has brother with him, she has diffrent upbringing style than I do, he always wear designed clothes and shoes and has all electronic needed but she doesn’t take him away often as she can’t afford after what she spend on stuff for them, me on the other hand save, my daughter doesn’t have designer clothes or me I prefer spend it on holidays or days out, his mum expect us take him all the time and he also expect us take him all the time but we can’t afford that next holidays, he is really cheeky and say stuff to my daughter and started to be nasty, he demand a lot of us , he likes good brands and won’t wear cheap stuff, we explained to him situation, I understand he is upset but he wants the best of Botha worlds (don’t mean in bad way here) he is treated the same as my daughter when he is with us but it makes me sad the whole situation as I feel like I would be wrong doing anything without him, going see my family, visit my sister, him becoming so nasty to us and demanding it just puts me away of taking him even more, we work really hard and save to do things, his mum prefer diffrent lifestyle

Your husband should pay to take both children on holiday. If you want to go on holiday with her alone, then go without your husband.

He sees his dad 2 days out of 7, why wouldn’t your husband want him to come on holiday with you?

its unreasonable for the three of you to go without him or for him to have less because his dad decided to have another kid.

We have money together so that’s not an option

It is an option. He has two children. He takes them both on holiday.

He sees him more than that, it’s just general, he spend most school holidays with us as well, in general a lot of time together, he doesn’t have less, he has more than my daughter that’s definitely, I look at bigger picture

I doubt the mum takes one kid on holiday without the other but it always seems more okay for the dad to do that, not really sure why. He's got 2 kids so he should be taking both.

Agree with other posters, you should take step son on holiday with you - you need to go on a cheaper holiday to include step son if you can’t afford to take him. It’s not easy or ideal for you, but you married a man who already has a child.
it’s not stepsons fault his mum spends money on clothes and not holidays.

I know where you coming from but also every time we take him away with us there is an issue, he likes to show off infront of other ppl, he gets nasty and thinks he can do whatever, he has anger issue, not that I take it wrong way as we still was taking him with us but lately become too much

🪤

Yes, children are hard. You don’t get to not take them on holiday because of it. He is part of your family. This is the deal when you get together with someone who already has a child.

I know I always include him there are odd situations I don’t! But we are not allowed to go without him never just becasue that’s how it looks like? He gets a lot from us as well, I know it’s not his fault but he knows where all is coming from there are more details too it just too long to write!

If your daughter was the one who was hard work would you leave her behind and just go with the son? I doubt it

Sorry but YABU he's part of your family and if you couldn't afford that holiday with him included you should have booked somewhere else cheaper.

It’s not about being hard work! There is more to it than just what what I wrote

If your DP can’t afford to take both children, he can’t afford the holiday. You go somewhere he can afford for all of you to go.

How his ex spends her money is irrelevant. Siblings go through phases of winding each other up - so being ‘nasty’ to his sister is irrelevant. Stop making excuses to justify excluding him.

@IDontLoveTheWayYouLie Wrote it perfectly.
You’re not being fair, as others said, book a cheaper holiday if it’s too expensive to take him on this one.
What his mum spends her money on isn’t relevant, you had a child with someone who already has a child & you can’t treat them differently.
His behaviour sounds like an issue & that’s for his parents to deal with.
Try to put yourself in his shoes, how would you have felt as a child if you saw your parent taking your half sibling on holiday & not you? Would you be happy with this if you were to split up & your partner gave your daughter this treatment?

Phew! That was some read with no punctuation. Is English your first language, op?

Your stepson's attitude is not unusual for a 12 year old boy, they often start to get moody and stroppy at that age, he will soon be a teenager. Tell him firmly he mustn't be rude to/upset his sister but oth's uner than that, there's not much you can do.

I think it is sad not to take him on holiday with you. Would it really cost that much more to do so? You can explain to him that you do things differently to what he is used to and he shouldn't sneer at what you have and what you can afford because it unkind; it also changes nothing. I daresay he doesn't really mean it, it's just an attitude thing. He will change in time.

Try to take him and get his father to do interesting things with him while you're away.

Your DD gets to be with her dad 7 days a week. Perhaps leave her behind instead. No? Thought not.

Either take your daughter away by yourself, your husband finds more money to cover his sons extra costs or you find somewhere cheaper.

SS does things at home with his other sibling, he doesn't live there full time. His mum has two kids too.

Daughter is entitled to do things without SS too.

Take her on a few days midweek instead of a full week, Monday to Friday when you wouldn't have SS anyway.

Husband needs to curb the attitude of rudeness and entitlement with SS. He gets the same level of gifts as daughter does. Not designer clothes. That's his mother's choice not his father's.

Every time I take my DS on holiday there is a problem, he’s a preteen and his behaviour isn’t ideal. I wouldn’t dream of leaving him out of a family holiday.

If you can’t afford to take both DC then you can’t afford the holiday.

Okay so if it's more than what you wrote (whatever your reasons are) would you still take your daughter on holiday if it was the other way.

You could have saved a bit longer so you had enough money but you will make any excuse so he doesn't have to go. Hope you have loads of fun.

What does that mean? Do you work? If you work then your portion of money can be used to cover things that you want to do just you and her. Your husbands money is split over the two kids

He knows his behaviour causes problems and still does it. If he makes everyone else miserable he needs to stay home.

No need for you to put up with his tantrums and spoiling things for DD.

I wouldn't be going on holiday without my stepdaughter. She's 19 now and still comes with us. She's just finished college and will be working full time soon so might contribute next year, but until then we pay for her holiday and food, she just saves from her part time job for buying extra things she wants while we're away. We also have a 10 year old and a 2 year old now, they're siblings, I wouldn't leave one out.