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Family planning

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Original poster

What to do? Condoms as contraceptive

42 replies

zeromn · 02/09/2023 06:54

I had my baby 3 weeks ago so it’s time to start thinking about contraception. The only contraception I’ve ever tried was the implant and it didn’t agree with me. The anxiety I experienced on the implant was unbelievable, to the point I had to see a therapist and a doctor and then ended up on anxiety medication. When it was removed I was like a new woman! But it did result in pregnancy. (I wouldn’t change it for the world, I am so happy!) I wouldn’t get the implant again, I’ve heard nothing but negative stories about other contraception such as the pill and the coil. To be honest I’d rather be on absolutely nothing, I feel anxious at the thought of the possible side effects and I really don’t want to mess with my hormones. But I suppose being pregnant would be worse. I’ve talked to DP about condoms, he said absolutely not! Because it doesn’t feel the same… , does anyone here use condoms as contraceptives? If so, how is it going? Am I going to have to give in and take something like the pill or refuse sex until DP agrees to a condom? I don’t know what to do. I really don’t feel comfortable taking anything.

OP posts:

Plumful · 02/09/2023 06:55

Your DP sounds like an arse

toomuchfaster · 02/09/2023 06:59

You will only find negative stories about the pill and coil in a quick Google. At least search for previous threads on here, as there are many lovers of contraception.
Ask your health visitor/ who ever does your 6 week check about non-hormonal methods too
And yes, I agree with @Plumful your DP is an arse.

SnapdragonToadflax · 02/09/2023 06:59

Yes we always have, for 20 years. Stopped using them to get pregnant, otherwise no accidents. Hormonal contraception doesn't suit me and I have no intention of getting a coil given my friends' experiences.

It's condoms or no sex 🤷

Mindymomo · 02/09/2023 07:02

Nothing wrong in using condoms, I sincerely hope your DP has used them in the past when you first got together. You’ve got options, you have to try one of these or no sex. Have you spoken to your health visitor about your contraception options.

CurlewKate · 02/09/2023 07:07

2 things. Only have sex when and if you want to-3 weeks is very early indeed. You probably aren't physically healed yet. They used to say 6 weeks as a minimum.

And yes-it's fine to say "Not without a condom" But only if you feel you can stick to it. If you're not 100% sure you can, then you have to use something else, I'm afraid. Sounds like the coil might be the least worst for you. I don't know how long post partum you have to be-maybe talk to your health visitor/doctor about it? But this has to be entirely what you want. And please don't take any risks.

2weeksleft · 02/09/2023 07:09

It’s so sh*tty that 99% of contraception falls down to us pumping hormones into our bodies, none of the hormonal methods have ever worked for me and I tried the copper coil too and it had the same effect apparently the copper can affect hormones too.

Have you heard of natural cycles? It’s an app where you measure your body temperature every morning and it will track whether you’re fertile or not, you could just use condoms around your fertile period.

Icannotthinkofaname · 02/09/2023 07:12

We've used just condoms since DD she's 14 now.
We had one split (after 12 years no issues) and I got the morning after pill but other than that not a problem at all.

Whataretheodds · 02/09/2023 07:13

Have you and he used lube inside and outside the condom? It was a game changer for both of us. Not the same as bareback but worth a try.

Mmhmmn · 02/09/2023 07:16

He'd rather you pumped yourself full of hormones after previous bad experiences on meds?

Tell him he needs to try it with suggestions as above (lube etc). Selfish arse. He should be bloody grateful you're willing to go there at all at this point!

Panic71 · 02/09/2023 07:16

I’ve never used one so feel cheeky for suggesting it but is the female condom an option?

Soundbathfan · 02/09/2023 07:20

Sounds like he needs a vasectomy!

Prettyrainbowcolours · 02/09/2023 07:22

We’ve finished our family and I’ve made it clear I don’t wish to go back to hormonal contraception so condoms it is. I’d love another child if it were to happen , Dh not so keen, therefore I’ve passed the responsibility of contraception to him given that I’ve taken the pill for years prior to having our children.

Your Dp sounds extremely selfish. Don’t be pushed into something you’re not happy with.

NameChangeEmbarressed · 02/09/2023 07:22

I'm (almost) 37 and have been with my DH since I was 17. We have only ever used condoms really as I could only ever take progesterone only contraceptives due to family history. Bled constantly on all types but didn't try coil as have heavily scarred uterus.

Have always got pregnant the first month of trying but never had unplanned pregnancy.

No clean up afterwards either 🤣

Montydin · 02/09/2023 07:22

Agree your partner sounds like an arse, you’ve just carried and given birth to his child and he can’t wear a condom for a little bit?

I would suggest natural cycles or cycle tracking in the long term but it relies on your cycle being regular which it might not be yet so you’ll need a back up, and anyway you’ll need one if you want to dtd on your fertile days.

Some of my friends have had coils fitted (the ones that don’t release hormones) and say it hasn’t hurt too much since they gave birth. But I still think your partner needs to grow up.

Lovingitallnow · 02/09/2023 07:23

He won't use condoms because sex won't feel the same. Have you explained that life isn't the same when you have hormonal contraception.

ActDottie · 02/09/2023 07:24

Your partner is a twat. So he’d much rather see his partner’s hormones and anxiety go all over the place so he doesn’t have to wear condoms??? My husband and I used them for years before we started TTC. He was happy to as I wanted to come off the pill as I was worried about what it did to my mental health.

BananaSplitX · 02/09/2023 07:27

I am in my mid 40s and the only contraception I have ever used is condoms. I have never had any accidents. I have been very clear with my husband (and boyfriends before) it’s condoms or no sex. It annoys me to no end that society dictates that women should take all contraceptive responsibilities, pump ourselves full of hormones, for what? So that men can have a better feeling during sex!?! Seriously!! It’s sad how even to todays day we are oppressed in many ways, this being one of them. Be clear with your husband. It’s condoms or nothing. And more respect for you please.

Confetto · 02/09/2023 07:31

We used condoms when I was breastfeeding, which if you read up is actually a very good contraceptive if you feed every 3 hours or something. Expressing milk doesn't count. I got a bit paranoid just using them when I stopped breastfeeding.

BookwormDadUK · 02/09/2023 07:35

As a chap, I agree condoms don't feel the same. And that your DP seems like an arse.

He shouldn't expect you to get implants or coils for his benefit.

My DW and I decided to return to contraception after another miscarriage and 7 years of trying to conceive. The pill made her horribly depressed when she'd tried it preciously and so we agreed it was condoms or a vasectomy, and I can't imagine insisting on her enduring the other contraceptive options if she wasn't comfortable with it.

As it turns out, the miscarriage turned out to be a miracle and improbable pregnancy so I was off the hook!

BeMoreBarbie · 02/09/2023 07:41

I heard if you buy the correct size, there isn't much difference. I don't like condoms either (a lady) but my DP doesn't care and would happily use them if I asked because he's not a childish cunt.

@Whataretheodds don't they just slip off with all that lube?

FrangipaniBlue · 02/09/2023 07:42

I came off the pill at the start of 2020, due to the subsequent lockdown DH couldn't get the snip for almost 2 years.

I told him condoms or no sex and we was fine with that.

We used them without issue until he'd had the snip and got the all clear.

TibetanTerrah · 02/09/2023 07:42

I think you need to point out that if your DP using condoms had meant he'd ended up at the GP and prescribed anxiety medication, that would be very different from him simply placing his pleasure above your mental health.

He's literally saying he doesn't care about the effect hormones have on you as long as he gets the best experience having sex.

Personally I'd be very interested in his justification in refusing to use condoms after you put it to him that way.

PinkRoses1245 · 02/09/2023 07:43

3 weeks?! I hope it’s your decision. If he doesn’t want another baby, he needs to use condoms. Or get a vascetomy if he definitely doesn’t want more

Olika · 02/09/2023 07:44

Hormonal contraception makes me Ill so I didn't give my DH any other option than condoms. I suppose it's just a matter of getting used to them.

CurlewKate · 02/09/2023 07:49

PLEASE don't rely on natural cycles if you don't want to run any risk of pregnancy! And it is positively irresponsible to suggest this to a 3week post partum woman looking for some method to appease her arse of a partner who isn't prepared to use condoms. Does he sound like a man who would be amenable to the rhythm method??

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