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Family planning

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Planned their pregnancy ? This is a LONG one.

41 replies

Evla21 · 06/11/2022 04:21

If a baby is an "accident", how do you prove it it was actually planned?

Let me explain...
I've been with my husband for 8 years. Got married 4 yrs ago. It became clear (and confirmed by my dh - I told him he was being stupid of course - and MIL, who makes it very obvious) that his sister is the favourite. His sist is the one who was planned. My husband and his brother were practice ones until a girl was born was born.
As a result my SIL has been the centre of attention. This first became apparent to me that this carried on by adults when me and DH got engaged and decided on a summer wedding..to which my SIL replied "oh I wanted to have our second baby that summer - she had a DS and planned a summer baby as her DH is a teacher).
My husband's moment taken away for the excitement of the prospect of a new baby..

My husband had begged me to try for a baby before engagement and I agreed only if we got engaged and started trying after getting engaged. We were anticipating a long period of trying as you can't predict there things. 6 weeks later. Preggo. (We discussed having 3 in total - privately)

Told family when we were 6 weeks along. Not long later..(2m) yes you guessed it, she announced she was preggo (Deffo planned as told me only took 1m to conceive). Already had her DS and another DS was born (again so she had two sons).

I was really happy but at the same time, sad that my DH had has his moment taken away - and mine too!.. again.

This was her second baby as I mentioned, (naturally DD wanted) She'd had her first baby moment. Her DS was born 8 weeks later, which now I love as our DSs are so close and so cute!!).
I was initially worried as she had another baby so my DS wouldn't be cared about as my MIL stated we had given her a second GS.

Last year we had our second - a DD! totally unexpected (we joked that DH family only makes boys) See above... About my SIL having been centre of attention since childhood)

My MIL was happy to finally get a granddaughter. As she craved that female bond with her daughter) - I get this totally. SIL was also pleased but always joked about having a house full of boys (she was gutted no DD but maintaied) - no more children!!! Lol. I didn't believe it.. discussed this with my DH.

My DD is 1yr old (when we were on holiday together)

We had discussed our 3rd to DH family and my MIL replied - why? You have a DS and DD.

Yes, you guessed it. Now SIL ""accidentally preggo! Conceived on hols, (holding out for DD- last attempt) but they had gone and given their baby stuff away... Knowing we've not long ago we had a baby and still have all these items.. hmmmm.

Pregnancy cooing incoming!!.. our DD sidelined (MIL lives and moved to be near her DD - absolutely get this) in the hope that her daughter has a girl. ( I think my MIL was gutted her DD had another DS and we had DD instead) My MIL already told us her first GS was her fave GChild!!

My SIL and her DH moved and got a bigger house- 2 extra bedrooms.
She knew we would like a third
We had a DS and DD. She has 2 DSs
She told her mum she needs her to stay in the country as she needs her (in-laws moving abroad)
She had finished her exams this summer and
My husband and BIL discussed having a vasectomies.. beforehand.

During this time SIL and DH told me (individually there's been cheating accusations in their marriage)
Her DH is on unstable medication..

I can't help but think history is repeating itself. I really got closer to SIL during hols so I'd be so gutted if this was was true 😞

Thoughts?

Am I paranoid?

I'm usually right about this kind of stuff.

OP posts:
BlueDiamondGlow · 06/11/2022 04:34

It all sounds very intense and like you are in some weird competition. Its not any of your business whether your SIL baby is planned or unplanned.
Enjoy the babies you have...and focus on what you and DH want - not anyone else.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/11/2022 04:45

I'm usually right about this kind of stuff.

Right about what? So what if they planned a 3rd or it was a surprise. What do you care?

You sound judgmental and really horrible, especially about your SIL. You need to grow up & focus on your own family.

decafsoyaflatwhite · 06/11/2022 04:49

I don’t really understand what you want to achieve. Do you actually want to prove that your SIL’s pregnancy was planned rather than accidental? Yes, it sounds like they might be trying one last time for a daughter. I imagine that they might be saying it’s an accidental pregnancy so if it is another little boy then people don’t make a big fuss about it. He’ll just be a bonus happy accident!

It all sounds very hard work.

20viona · 06/11/2022 05:31

You're over invested

Madamecastafiore · 06/11/2022 05:41

You sound very childish and over invested. Just get on and have your kids when you want them and don't give a thought to anyone else's choices as to when they have children.

Fraaahnces · 06/11/2022 05:50

If I were you, I would back off and focus on your DH and your own family. His family politics sound toxic and ingrained. They’re not going to change.

Lookingformymarbles · 06/11/2022 05:59

I think you need to concentrate on your own family and not get caught up in some else's. Whether or not baby is planned really isn't anything to do with you.

Enjoy your children and enjoy your friendship with SIL and don't get over invested.

Ivyonafence · 06/11/2022 05:59

You need to let go of this.

You are letting this rob you of the joy of your own family because you are preoccupied with what SIL is doing and why.

I seriously doubt they decided to conceive and raise an entire human being just to steal your thunder. If they did, they are deranged and I wouldn't worry about competing with them.

Siblings have babies at the same time because they are close in age. People change their minds about family planning, or have accidental pregnancies, or feel clucky and decide to have one more all the time. That's life. More cousins for your kids, lucky them.

Stop competing. This is really a strange perspective.

Violettaa · 06/11/2022 06:03

Stop being so jealous and judgemental. What you’re saying is really unpleasant.

pastabakeonaplate · 06/11/2022 06:08

I do not understand why you care. Just focus on your own family.

pastabakeonaplate · 06/11/2022 06:08

Kids are so expensive and take so much of your time I really doubt any one would have one just to spite their sister in law

Marshmallowmountain · 06/11/2022 06:12

You sound weird and competitive about this. It’s not stealing your thunder to have another child. You need to grow up.

sjxoxo · 06/11/2022 06:21

Just live your life. Forget about other peoples kids! Imo it’s normal for a mother to be closer to her daughter. You don’t mention your own mother in any of this, I wonder if that’s significant.
Turn a blind eye to whatever they are doing and just do your own life x

Goldbar · 06/11/2022 06:30

You seem to think your SIL is living her life to get one over on you and your DH, which is a weirdly self-centred view of the world. Even if she is 'competing' to get your MIL's attention, what is it to you?

Just live your own life, enjoy your children and make your own choices based on what is best for you.

wibblewobbleboard · 06/11/2022 06:34

Focus on your own life and family.

WindyKnickers · 06/11/2022 06:42

What the heck have I just read? Firstly that was very hard to follow, secondly I think you need to take a step back from your in laws and just focus on your own family. Why do you care if/when they are getting pregnant? Why is everyone openly competing with each other? You sound very intense.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 06/11/2022 06:51

Get a grip!
You sound over invested, judgemental and childish.
Concentrate on your own family and leave SiL to it. It's up to her when she has kids and I cannot believe that she'd be timing things to compete with you.

WonderingWanda · 06/11/2022 06:52

Are you happy with the number of children you have? Are you happy with your marriage? None of the rest is relevant.

rwalker · 06/11/2022 06:55

I can’t believe anyone would have a child just for attention

Chomolungma · 06/11/2022 06:59

Honestly it doesn't really matter OP. I can completely understand you being upset on behalf of your DH if his sister and her DC are favoured by his parents, but the bit about who had babies when and of what sex is just how it goes.

SaintVal · 06/11/2022 07:03

This all sounds a bit weird and exhausting. Stop worrying about what other people are doing and focus on your own lot.

rainbowstardrops · 06/11/2022 07:07

You sound very jealous and judgemental. It's absolutely none of your business how many children your SIL has or whether they are planned or not!

I very much doubt she got 'preggo' Hmm just to spite you!

LolaSmiles · 06/11/2022 07:07

Your DH's family seem to have an unhealthy dynamic where siblings are ranked and are in competition with each other. Your MIL seems to be loving it having all her children doing the pick me dance.

You and your DH need to detach, have the children you want, bring them up knowing they're all loved, and break the cycle of toxic competition otherwise your own DC are going to be drawn into this.

FieldMapleMabel · 06/11/2022 07:09

Sorry, what's the issue exactly? It's all a bit muddled, especially the end of your post. Are you hinting SIL may be having an affair?

I don't understand. Whether their 3rd child was planned or not, what's it got to do with you? Why does it matter? Why do you care so much? You'd be "gutted if this were true" - if what were true!?

Get on with your own life and leave others to theirs.

havingabubble · 06/11/2022 07:15

Gutted if what was true? If she got pregnant because she knew you wanted 3 and decided to do it first? You really need to start thinking rationally! Why would someone have 3 children just because someone else wants to, it makes no sense. Maybe they did decide to try again for a girl but not sure why that is your business or why you would be upset by it. As others have said you really need to concentrate on your own life

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