Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Family planning

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Female sterilisation - persuading GP

47 replies

Paperowls · 10/07/2017 18:29

Help. What magic do I have to use to get my GP to agree to refer me for sterilisation? I have three kids and I do not want any more at all! I've never got on with the pill, so we use condoms. Fed up of the faff of this and I want to remove the fear of accidental pregnancy. I'm in my early 40s so the end of my fertility is near but the GP will not listen to my requests. I've just had another difficult consultation with her where she attempted yet again to get me to have a coil. I told her I will modify my vagina when there's an equivalent for men to modify their vas deferens! The other option she keeps pushing is the mini pill, despite the fact I've yet to have a synthetic progesterone that doesn't make me suicidal. She also suggested that I needed my husband's permission to be sterilised, which I can't believe is true.
What can I do? Is private surgery the only option?

OP posts:
Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 21:01

Anyone? This is really getting me down

OP posts:
MrsKCastle · 10/07/2017 21:07

Can you try seeing a different GP? Did you ask her straight out why she was refusing to refer you? The bit about needing your husband's permission MUST be nonsense, surely? After all, you could just say 'we're separated '. Sorry, not much help at all but feeling annoyed on your behalf!

Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 21:17

She's insistent that I have to prove I have tried a coil or mini pill first before I can be referred to the gynaecologist. I think this is bullshit myself. I think it's cost cutting. She always goes on about that I might want another child in the future (like most women in their mid forties wake up one day and go 'I must have a 4th child before I'm 50!' ) and that the surgery is risky and I might get an infection. Is it my right to refuse to 'try' a coil? Surely it is?

OP posts:
disconnecteddrifter · 10/07/2017 21:21

I agree I think it's cost. Look up how much a cool versus sterilisation costs. The NHS is severely stretched to pay for life threatening illnesses so perhaps consider private?
I am astounded that she asked for your husbands permission!

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 10/07/2017 21:26

Unfortunately its not bullshit - they pulled this stunt with me 7 years ago. Took me years to get sterilised. They said they had to exhaust 'every other option' before they would agree to the sterilisation, even though I had very valid reasons for not having the coil / pill etc etc. Apparently you're not allowed to know your own mind - I was told that my husband 'could leave me' , 'I could meet someone else and want kids with them' etc etc. The fact that I was early 40's with 4 kids meant nothing

PearlyPinkNails · 10/07/2017 21:32

I've had this from my GP. I've begged and almost cried and they are refusing.

Bastards.

The1andonlyFrusso · 10/07/2017 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 21:34

Ah bollocks. Why is it like that? I feel like I'm being treated like a child. I know what's best for me. What persuaded them in the end?
My GP has also used the line about me having a new relationship and wanting more kids. Despite the fact this is clearly not on the cards. And that won't cost the NHS anything, will it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 21:36

Also I don't have £3k to pay to have it done privately

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 10/07/2017 21:41

Will DH not get the snip?

Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 21:45

I can't see the point in him having the snip. I never want to carry another child so I want to know my body is done with that. I know my fertility will end in the next few years so I just see it as bringing that forward

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 10/07/2017 21:47

A hysterectomy is a major operation, though, particularly compared to a vasectomy (which is done under local anesthetic, takes about 20 mins total and the recovery time can be as short as a few days)

Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 21:48

I don't want a hysterectomy! Christ no! Just tubes tied.

OP posts:
HeyMicky · 10/07/2017 21:49

Where are you, OP? I'm in Bucks and has it last year, at 36, 2 kids. No issues at all from either the GP or the consultant.

I also had a endometrial ablation for horrendous periods. I wonder whether the two together might have helped?

I explained I had been on the pill for years pre children, and mirena between the DCs, and didn't want anymore, and everyone was fine with my decision. Definitely worth seeing a new GP

PragmaticWench · 10/07/2017 21:52

Sterilisation for women doesn't usually involve a hysterectomy. Confused

Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 21:52

I'm worried about 'shopping around' to get a different GP opinion. I think it might be my PCT's policy (London Borough). She's the only GP at my practice so I'd have to swap surgery to get a second opinion. Maybe I should move to out to Bucks!

OP posts:
WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa · 10/07/2017 21:55

You need to move. 😂 I'm 32, and had the op a few months ago. I was expecting to have to fight the GP, she referred straight away, then expected to fight the consultant, she'd done the op within a month. No quibbles.

yikesanotherbooboo · 10/07/2017 21:56

Female sterilisation may not be available as per the ccg 's rules in your area unless there are extenuating circumstances. The mirena and the implant are more effective contraceptively than female sterilisation without the same number of risks. The copper coil is very equivalent.

The above means that for medical reasons it is hard to justify and fight for the funds for a woman to be sterilised as a special case if she hasn't at least tried the safer and less invasive options . This does fly in the face of 'choice' but on medical grounds is hard to argue with.
Vasectomy is the most effective contraception available ...

FreakinDeacon · 10/07/2017 21:58

Definitely try and find out what local policy is. GP may have no choice.

If you google your borough CCG, they should have a PALs page and they should be able to find the local policy for you.

yikesanotherbooboo · 10/07/2017 22:00

Just thinking... are there any family planning clinics left in your area? If so that might be a route in. It is usually all about local rules and nothing to do with your particular GP's prejudices.

WifeofUthred · 10/07/2017 22:02

I want this. Dh won't have the snip as he's read some horror stories online. Hormones make me crazy (literally I have a mental health condition that it triggers) so mirena out. Copper coil causes heavy periods which I'm not willing to try.

Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 22:05

Thanks. I will look at the CCG stuff for my area.
I'm not knocking the effectiveness of the other hormonal methods for preventing pregnancy, and I can understand why the policy may be to recommend them as the most effective way of reaching an outcome but they aren't for me. The failure rate of female sterilisation is 1 in 200. I'm sure that if you factor in my age as well, the effectiveness of that is much greater.

OP posts:
RNBrie · 10/07/2017 22:07

This amazes me. I'm 38 and have three dc. I have a coil fitted. I went into GP last week and asked for a referral for sterilisation. She said yes. Letter arrived today, gynaecology appt at the end of the month. She asked me my reasons and said that was fine and off we go. Your GP is not being straight with you, find a new one.

Original poster
Paperowls · 10/07/2017 22:08

The hormones push me to the edge as well. I'm just not prepared to carry out months of playing with my mental health to try to find something that is tolerable. A bloke wouldn't be expected to do that, why should I?

OP posts:
ginflumpsandzebraprint · 10/07/2017 22:08

I had sterilisation and ablation at 28 but I had 2 terrible births and a very late miscarriage. I took my dm with me and they didn't hesitate
She did the stare

Swipe left for the next trending thread