Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Family planning

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my DH to get the snip?

45 replies

katenins · 04/07/2016 22:16

So DS 3 is now 1 and we've decided we definitely don't want anymore children. I'm currently on Cerelle (mini pill) as I'm 40 soon so too old for combined pill now. I'm not getting on with it, moody, weight gain, spotting heavily etc. etc. I've been trying to get DH to consider having the snip, but he won't even entertain the idea. He says why don't I get sterilised?
I feel that after 3 children, first a horrific birth with 3rd degree tear, 2 c-secs, years of pregnancy and breastfeeding that my body should now be left alone!
Apparently he's worried about the op hurting a bit Hmm!! He has no concerns about not being able to have children if at some point in the future he may want more....
We're at complete stalemate now and it's getting to me Sad

OP posts:
QueenOfNowt · 04/07/2016 22:21

YANBU. What a mard-arse.

YabuDabbaDoo · 04/07/2016 22:24

Ooh I started a similar thread in AIBU yesterday saying I was ready to give up on sex and contraception!

Different for me though as not been with my partner long so I've no right at all to push for snip. But I fully empathise with being fed up of contraception & family planning in general being so hard on your body. I think your DH should step up but it is his body and therefore not much you can do but plead your case.

Scuttle22 · 04/07/2016 22:24

YABU you can't tell someone to have this done. It is his body his choice. I would never ask DH and I have had 4 kids/ sections!

DetestableHerytike · 04/07/2016 22:25

His body, his choice, but it's pretty off of him to suggest you get sterilised instead!

Condoms? Non PIV sex? A combination of those?

DetestableHerytike · 04/07/2016 22:26

She didn't tell him scuttle, she asked him. He then said why doesn't she do it.

Scuttle22 · 04/07/2016 22:56

Yes and I would reply the same if DH asked me! Grin Nobody wants to do it by the sounds of things.

AnecdotalEvidence · 04/07/2016 23:31

No you shouldn't tell him to do it, but he should give it serious consideration and I think it is a reasonable expectation.
My DH said that it was his turn and it was the least that he could do after I had done everything before then.
It did wonders for our sex life as the risk of pregnancy disappeared and no contraception was needed any more!

BikeRunSki · 04/07/2016 23:39

I don't think YABU to ask OP. I asked DH between bucket fulls of sick in my second (and last) hyperemisis pregnancy. A few weeks before crash c sec that DD and I were lucky to survive.

Okkitokkiunga · 04/07/2016 23:53

I think this is an issue in many households. It is in mine. I can't go on the pill either. DH won't have snip for reasons that make no sense to me and after feeling very pissed off about it I let it go. So it's condoms for him for the rest of his life now - though save a clean up for me Grin

I've had two emcs last one was fairly awful and I thought it was the least he could do but apparently not.

HandbagCrazy · 05/07/2016 08:19

You can't make decisions about his body but you make them about yours. Come off the pill and buy condoms. If he wants sex, he needs to use one. If he doesn't like them HE needs to come up with a solution that doesn't effect your body. That seems fair to me although I personally think he should realise you being sterilised is a million times more complicated than him having the snip and just get it done

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/07/2016 08:22

He isn't being unreasonable to say no. His body his choice.

Scuttle22 · 05/07/2016 09:05

I agree handbag I don't take the pill - condoms all the way!

Original poster
katenins · 05/07/2016 18:11

Thanks for the comments!
He was all for the snip a couple of years ago but then a 'friend' put him off with a soreness/infection etc. scare story! Grin
Unfortunately he hates condoms and refuses to use them, risky withdrawal method or no sex it is then! Confused

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 05/07/2016 18:15

Yanbu to ask but if he doesn't want to you can't make him. I sympathise as we are done having dc and want my dh to have the snip, but he's not keen. The pill has failed me twice, I can't risk anything with as high a failure rate as condoms or caps, the side effects of the injection or implant really put me off and I don't want the heavy bleeding that often happens with the copper coil. I have a mirena as it's very effective but I don't love it. And as it's him more than me who is adamant that there can be no more dc I don't see why I should get bloody sterilised. But he just doesn't do it.

Dizzydodo · 05/07/2016 18:19

Could you have a coil fitted?

gamerchick · 05/07/2016 18:21

He can't say no to the only forms of contraception available to him point blank. He has to choose!

Or no sex?

I'm glad the husband was already fixed when I met him. I'd rather grate my face off than have any more babies.

ShowOfHands · 05/07/2016 18:23

The snip has a 10% chance of long-term pain. It's good to consider this rationally and actually, not willing to risk those odds is a fair position.

I think you both need to make decisions about your own respective bodies but based on facts, not scare stories. Has he researched it properly?

If he refuses and you don't want to be sterilised then condoms or no PIV it is.

Mishaps · 05/07/2016 18:24

So...he won't get the snip and he doesn't like condoms. I should keep your knees crossed if I were you! He cannot expect you to risk pregnancy, so he has to take some responsibility.

My OH did not want to get the snip many years ago, so I let it lie a bit; but he knew that the pill was out for me and that condoms weren't so safe and one day he just told me had booked to have the snip - he just needed time to think it over. And a bit of a downturn in the bedroom activity! The irony was that a couple of years later I had to have a hysterectomy - so a true belt and braces job in the end.

Has your OH got any idea how much more complicated female sterilization is?

He needs to man up and take some responsibility, whether the snip or condoms - he is being unreasonable in my book to shove all the responsibility on you - he is a grown man and a father - he needs to start being a responsible adult.

LazyJournalistsQuoteMN · 05/07/2016 18:28

I laughed out loud at Apparently he's worried about the op hurting a bit Was he bothered about you going through three pregnancies, labors and recoveries at all? Did he think they hurt you a bit Confused Hmm

LazyJournalistsQuoteMN · 05/07/2016 18:30

You could just refuse to have sex with him until he stops being such a prat he has the snip

Numberoneisgone · 05/07/2016 18:31

YANBU and I would have been pretty upset had my DH not been willing to do it after me having all sorts of unpleasant interventions having babies. It is his time to shine.

elspethmcgillicuddy · 05/07/2016 18:32

Age alone is not a contraindication for the combined pill. Have you looked into it further? What about coils, implant etc?

dementedpixie · 05/07/2016 18:36

40 is not too old for the combined pill as long as you are not overweight, don't have high blood pressure and don't smoke. yanbu to ask if he will get the snip but he isn't unreasonable to say no as it is very final and affects his fertility

Thecazelets · 05/07/2016 18:48

Good god. YANBU!

Numberoneisgone · 05/07/2016 19:03

it is very final and affects his fertility

Certainly for me that was the whole point of DHs vasectomy Grin