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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Which to drop?

47 replies

TigerCushions · 19/01/2025 22:10

DS is doing too much. He's in Y7. We have tried to keep going with all his primary school hobbies / extras but it's really not working.

He does:

  • rugby - this was just Saturdays in primary (he's been going since Y1) but is now training on Tues and Thurs PLUS a weekend match.
  • judo - he gets a lot from this but goes once a week - most kids go twice a week
  • piano lessons
  • Scouts
  • bassoon lessons - in school but he also plays on a wind orchestra which can mean Sunday concerts
  • chess on a Friday night. He's finds this really fun and relaxing at the end of the week.

He's REALLY torn as to what to give up. I'm minded to steer him towards dropping judo and piano. DH thinks chess (only) and (if I push) possibly piano.

But I keep thinking piano is a lovely thing to be able to play.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Balloonhearts · 19/01/2025 22:11

I'd drop rugby as that seems to be the most time consuming. Plus they play it at school sometimes anyway.

Original poster
TigerCushions · 19/01/2025 22:14

I wonder that too. But he gets a lot from rugby - the whole team sport / feeling part of something thing.... And he's quite lazy so enjoying and being good at a sport feels helpful.

OP posts:
Balloonhearts · 19/01/2025 22:16

What does he want to drop?

Original poster
TigerCushions · 19/01/2025 22:19

Nothing! He's quite teary at the thought of it. But equally some of that is due to him being very, very tired doing too many things.

Secondary school is quite a commute away (school bus). Primary was 5 min walk home.

OP posts:
yoshiblue · 19/01/2025 22:24

He should concentrate on one sport, one instrument and chess sounds beneficial.

Ask him to choose...

madamweb · 19/01/2025 22:28

It's impossible to say, you and he know best.

Is there another way you can make things easier for him?

Does he like scouts? It doesn't really get a mention. I think scouts is good for children who don't have particular hobbies but if he is talented at music/sport I would drop scouts

creamsnugjumper · 19/01/2025 22:37

Wow how did he end up doing all of that!

How amazing he's had all these opportunities, from my perspective I'd be reducing a load but then I'm thinking does he any siblings?

I'd keep rugby, chess and one instrument
but I'd also let him know he can go back and pick up later in life any of these skills.

R41nb0wR0se · 19/01/2025 22:38

It sounds like chess is really beneficial for him. Bassoon is a great instrument to play, and if he enjoys it, I'd be tempted to keep piano too as being able to play the piano is v useful if you're musical. As PP said, I'd be tempted to drop scouts, for the same reason as them and possibly rugby

senua · 19/01/2025 22:42

Rugby is going to finish at Easter time-ish, anyway. Might as well see out the year.
I would have thought that piano would be more beneficial in life than bassoon.

Letsseeshallwe · 19/01/2025 22:43

There's no need to drop a lot at once, start with scouts and reassess at half term. Then judo. Then bassoon if necessary. But that's just the order I'd do it.

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 19/01/2025 22:47

senua · 19/01/2025 22:42

Rugby is going to finish at Easter time-ish, anyway. Might as well see out the year.
I would have thought that piano would be more beneficial in life than bassoon.

Depends on what he wants to do. Bassoon is a far more sociable instrument. I’d drop piano over bassoon - if he’s got the basics, he can always keep playing casually or pick it up again later.

I’d drop Scouts unless he loves it, and seriously think about whether he wants to do rugby again next year or not.

I’d definitely keep chess if he finds that relaxing.

Wherehavetheyallgone · 19/01/2025 22:53

Piano is handy for GCSE music, but if he plays the basoon anyway, he could probably take a break from piano now and pick it up again in Year 9 or 10. Some of the other activities might have waned by then.

Original poster
TigerCushions · 20/01/2025 09:03

Rugby finishes early June here.

Interesting in Scouts. At the moment it's useful as both his old primary school friends and his new secondary school friends attend the same night. But it might indeed be a good one to drop next year if he's got other interests and new friendships are established.

I do like the social side of bassoon. It gives access to the orchestra / band, which piano doesn't...

OP posts:
Seeline · 20/01/2025 09:08

First term in Y7 is always going to be exhausting, so not a good time to assess things really.

If he doesn't really want to give anything up, I'd leave things as they are for now, and reassess later in the year. Perhaps have the approach that if he really is struggling one week, give him permission to miss something that isn't going to have to much impact on others.

Original poster
TigerCushions · 20/01/2025 09:15

Thanks @Seeline I feel we've given it a good stab - we took stock after the (two week) October half term and decided to keep going. But it's clear now that he really does too much. Homework is ramping up and there's no real time to do it.

But a phased reduction sounds sensible. I'll test the water with him on dropping Scouts, and bassoon v piano and judo v rugby.

The added issue is that his younger brother will move from cubs to scouts soon. So my older one might feel he may as well continue if younger DS going anyway.

OP posts:
senua · 20/01/2025 10:02

I do like the social side of bassoon. It gives access to the orchestra / band, which piano doesn't...
But he gets 'social' from bassoon, rugby and Scouts! They are all activities that rely on the whole team giving commitment, you can't dip in and out as you fancy. At some stage, one of them is going to demand precedence over the others at weekends.
I don't think that orchestra will give leadership skills like rugby or Scouts could.

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 20/01/2025 10:19

I don't think that orchestra will give leadership skills like rugby or Scouts could.

Have you played in an orchestra? It absolutely can if you’re a section leader or get involved in smaller groups as well.

Flippinec · 20/01/2025 14:56

My DS is a couple of years older but went into yr7 playing two team sports, one individual sport, two instruments and he is also academic so lots of maths/STEM clubs.

He has narrowed down to football and the two instruments. Piano is a life skill and as a player myself is great for my mental health. My DS is quite introverted and it's also good for him to play in brass in bands to get him out of his shell with a bunch of kids who are very different to the sporty football crowd.

Original poster
TigerCushions · 20/01/2025 16:54

Yes I'm thinking we might phase it down to piano, bassoon and rugby. But the weekend commitment point is a good one - orchestra and rugby already clash in the lead up to the Christmas concert and that'll only get worse.

DS is horrified at the idea of dropping Scouts!

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 21/01/2025 09:37

Pair them up...
Rugby vs Judo
Chess vs Scouts
Bassoon vs Piano

Ask him his favourite in each pair.

allhailthebrain · 23/01/2025 03:18

I would not drop Scouts - there are skills there you really can't get from other things. Plus it allows him contact with his old friends from primary - plus you said his reaction was to be horrified at the idea... I could give you a list of opportunities it has provided my kids over the years which they'd never have had elsewhere.
I'd look at keeping one instrument, one sport, scouts and chess (with that being relaxing and less of an issue if he has a week where he's too tired...). See how that goes.

madamweb · 23/01/2025 08:04

allhailthebrain · 23/01/2025 03:18

I would not drop Scouts - there are skills there you really can't get from other things. Plus it allows him contact with his old friends from primary - plus you said his reaction was to be horrified at the idea... I could give you a list of opportunities it has provided my kids over the years which they'd never have had elsewhere.
I'd look at keeping one instrument, one sport, scouts and chess (with that being relaxing and less of an issue if he has a week where he's too tired...). See how that goes.

The quality of what you get from scouts varies wildly. I don't doubt that some are great, I have a family member who is a scout leader and always researching and planning activities.

But

My son's group was useless, all they seemed to do was various activities that involved eating food (most of which my son was allergic too ). And one leader was a nasty bully and none of the others would stand up to him. My son switched to air cadets and is having an amazing time and the leaders are brilliant.

itsgettingweird · 23/01/2025 08:11

In what way is it too much?

Is it the times of training and going to bed too late?

No free evenings?

Is it with 2 instruments to practice even on nights he does something else he still has that to practice too and homework?

The question of what to drop for me comes from what is taking the time, what timings are causing an issue with things like mealtimes and travel.

But as for it being too much I probably have different views to some as ds is a swimmer and so they train most mornings before school and a few evenings after too. Ds is no longer in education but many of his squad are and he obviously was! They manage it. But you do need to be strict with your routine.

Ellmau · 23/01/2025 08:38

Do you have a piano at home? If not, I'd drop that.

womanjustwanttohavefun · 23/01/2025 08:41

Scouts is very beneficially in so many ways- it keeps connections, teaches teamwork, leadership and life skills.

I agree with 1 sport, 1 instrument.