Which to drop?

[TigerCushions]

DS is doing too much. He's in Y7. We have tried to keep going with all his primary school hobbies / extras but it's really not working.

He does:

• rugby - this was just Saturdays in primary (he's been going since Y1) but is now training on Tues and Thurs PLUS a weekend match.
• judo - he gets a lot from this but goes once a week - most kids go twice a week
• piano lessons
• Scouts
• bassoon lessons - in school but he also plays on a wind orchestra which can mean Sunday concerts
• chess on a Friday night. He's finds this really fun and relaxing at the end of the week.

He's REALLY torn as to what to give up. I'm minded to steer him towards dropping judo and piano. DH thinks chess (only) and (if I push) possibly piano.

But I keep thinking piano is a lovely thing to be able to play.

Any advice?

@itsgettingweird It's too much as he has no free evenings in the week now (used to have two free nights when in primary) and both weekend days end up busy too. He's in bed late every night now so is tired - particularly with a longer commute to school that he had to primary. And homework is a rush on a Sunday night - which isn't sustainable.

It's tricky though - he gets a lot of different things from all of them.

Thanks for all continuing thoughts. He thinks judo can go. That frees up one night. I continue to be worried about weekends - orchestra, band, rugby and Scouts camps/events will all clash at some point.

We do have a piano at home (a question below) which he uses for practice.

Plus a little brother with commitments too.

Tiger** I thought it might be that. So the 2 extra nights of rugby have taken the only free nights he had?

So I'd go with cut that back again - or lose judo and scouts.

Personally I'd drop the after school rugby for now as the other things he does have greater long term benefit.

Come age 14/15 he could swap back to rugby and probably drop scouts and maybe a musical instrument (if he can play piano well he can continue himself at this point)

Rugby is with a club, not school, so it's all or nothing - 2 school nights plus a weekend day or drop it.

I think DS would go down to just rugby and Scouts if he had total choice and HAD to drop some. I suspect it's me that thinks an instrument is good for balance and wellbeing.

It may be that I need to let him decide and just go with it!

How musical is he?

@Ellmau Difficult to tell (well, by me anyway). He has Grade 4 in each and enjoyed the Grade 5 theory. He's quite a technical player rather than having I would say.

...rather than having lots of musicality (that should say).

Loves the performance side. And the camaraderie of it.

Well that sounds like bassoon/orchestra over piano then?

That is very true. And sounds like a really negative experience for you and your family - I'm glad he's found a good air cadets group! I'm sure they can offer really similar things for him. Good for him!

Mine has literally been all over the world with Scouts, he wouldn't be who he is now without what he did with Scouts. Unfortunately covid kind of spoiled a lot of plans and his enthusiasm for it had waned afterwards as people left and he became more socially awkward. He continued to volunteer with the Beavers though, which he enjoyed.

In this case, from the OP's comments about her son's reaction to the idea of dropping, I would keep scouts. She has now added that if he had to choose, scouts would be in his top two so it seems a no brainer for him.

I know some scout groups are brilliant. It's just easy to assume they all are and that's far from the truth. They are only as good as their leaders.

And there are lots of ways to get all the same skills. I'm not being negative about scouts at all, I know the benefits, hence why i signed my son up for it. But I do want people to know that there are lots of other options for amazing experiences and personal development and it isnt the end of the world if your local scout group is a bit lackadaisical (or worse , like ours, run by a nasty bully)

If he enjoys rugby then sometimes different clubs will have different training regimes.
Twice a week plus matches is a lot.
Some clubs run A and B teams with the B team requiring less commitment.

If close to g5 piano I would do that and then stop.
great to have an instrument for school orchestra etc so keep the bassoon.

My child gets very tired so sometimes just takes a morning off from activities to help,

That's a good idea @Autumnalmists re: piano

Totally agree on Scouts. There are two groups locally - one much sought after, the other known for being a bit crap. He's in the former (due to being there since Beavers) so he does get the opportunity to do some fantastic trips etc. That said, his secondary school also does decent trips etc so it might be that school activities can take their place in time.

So, I'm thinking drop judo, keep piano until Grade 5, keep rugby, bassoon and Scouts. Drop chess if he needs to (frees up Friday nights).

That still has a weekend commitment worry but we can discuss again that if that starts to happen.

If you can afford it, see which ones fall out of favour naturally. They will inevitably start to clash.

Can he do music lessons at school? (I'd probably drop the piano after G5; he can always take lessons as an adult)

What about rugby at school. Is that an option?

Does school have a Chess club?

Does the school do DofE when they are older?

Just in case it helps guide your thoughts, DD really liked having non-school friends at various clubs. It took the pressure off school friend drama.

We had this same dilemma with DD a few years ago. She was doing a lot of varied activities and loved all of it, but as they progress in their sport/ music etc it becomes more demanding in terms of commitment, and you can't fit it all in. She whittled it down to dance and music and dropped an instrument. She is still extremely busy but enjoys all of it.

What does he love? What is he good at? What opportunities do the various hobbies offer (social, comps, travel, exams, concerts etc)? You might find you do one round of whittling down now and then reassess in a year or two and cut down further. He might want to keep a serious hobby and a light relief hobby.

How about suggesting he keeps a sport, a musical instrument and a chill hobby, so:

Rugby or judo (although as others have said rugby finishes soon)
Piano or bassoon
Chess or scouts

Do they do any CCF or DofE at his school? Because he can pick that up later.

Thanks all. I am finding this helpful.

The issue is that if I present it as suggested, he'd choose rugby, bassoon and scouts but those each have the biggest time commitment especially at weekends.

School doesn't do DoE - and there's lots of boys from school at Scouts as a result. It only does rugby as a PE block every so often - there's no school team.

I'm thinking of suggesting to drop Judo and piano. And then see what happens naturally when timing gets pinched and pressure mounts.

He might as well keep chess as it's fun and relaxing for him.

Rugby isnt all year though is it? DDs club is finished for Summer by about May and then just some light practising from August for the new season. So he could pick piano back up for the summer if he continues playing at home inbetween if he enjoys it for recreation rather than being a professional moving up the grades.

The Sundays are going to clash eventually for Rugby and music so see what falls out of favour

Year 7 is pretty brutal for many students and takes a while to adjust, year 8 they tend to manage much better.

Judo, chess and Piano are both things he can pick back up as an adult and having previous experience is useful, or as you have a Piano at home the Simply Piano app is better than you'd think.
Rugby tends to be a lifelong sport too. Bassoon less so unless he is intending on a musical career which it doesnt sound like he is.

Rugby is mid August to early June so not exactly a big break. He can't pick up piano lessons again in that time- piano teacher waiting lists are years long here - once he stops, that's it.

But I appreciate the point that sound things lend themselves better to self study.

It sounds as if you are making progress.

Would another way to "audition" the activities be to pop the next 3 months worth onto a timetable, adding in important birthdays/ weddings etc and friends' likely birthday parties. DD and friends had some fairly impressive paintballing/laserquest/quadbiking/poolparties in years 5-8 (Covid scuppered social life and tastes move on).

Ask DS whether he'd want to go to the party vs a rugby match vs music thingy (or family holiday).

I know some clubs are pretty strict about attendance if you want to be selected.

See what keeps getting dropped when given a choice.

Just wanted to add in about sport - don't under estimate (not that you are!) the importance of a team sport if your child likes it. Rugby great imo, esp if local club is good.

Are you as his parent(s) happy to let him continue with rugby long term? Afaik the older age groups play more contact variant of the game and the health risks are increasing.
Rugby started to take much more time then before, it doesn't really work for him, it is an opportunity to re-evaluate it.

I would say Scouts and bassoon. But you seem to have a burning reason he can’t cancel every single one. I think it’s too much and leaves little time to just relax or do homework