Being rubbish at ballet- when to quit

[Bunnycat101]

My daughter is in a grade 1 class and it’s increasingly obvious she’s not made for ballet. She doesn’t point her feet, struggles to remember the steps and isn’t bendy at all. But…. She really likes it.

I’m all for doing things for enjoyment but is there a point where ballet becomes a bit humiliating if you’re rubbish at it? I can already see the step up between primary to grade 1 and she’s self aware to know she’s one of the worst. Do you generally only see the talented kids progressing up the grades?

She should stop when she stops enjoying it. She can always start again later if she wants.

I think as long as she is enjoying it then it's fine. I did ballet for years and was probably the worst in the class. I am not naturally graceful, have no rhythm and even as a teenage I was stiff, but I loved it and in my head I looked beautiful. I carried on until I was 17 and reached my grade 5.
I have gone back to it a couple of times as an adult. It is great exercise and discipline.

The point isn't being "good" at it, it's how much she enjoys it and it would be very cruel of you to make her quit something she loves because you don't think she's good enough.

Ballet can teach a lot. Her posture will be a lot better in the long run. She'll also learn some French and some musical knowledge, alongside working as a team, discipline, the importance of hard work and practice, confidence, presentation skills.

My cousin started dance at 3 and adored it. After she went the wrong way in a concert, her mother sat her down aged 9 and told her she wasn't particularly good at it, had no natural talent, was getting to be a big girl and as she was never going to be a ballerina she should stop wasting time and money. It's not an underestimation to say she was heartbroken.

She really missed dancing over the years and when she was about 15 started paying for her own classes at a dance school to try and catch up. Her parents refused to take her so she had to walk miles to get to class. She worked her arse off and within six months had been offered her first professional dance role. She genuinely hadn't been an especially talented kid. But she ended up getting a scholarship to a top school in London and played lead roles in Musicals in the West End and on tour.

You don't know what kind of future lies ahead for your little girl. Don't kill her dreams.

This.

Make sure you also emphasise the joy and fun element and don't emphasise needing to be "better".

There's a definite argument for defining being "good at" something done for fun as being good at having fun doing that activity.

Girls especially (but tbh boys too though often later) tend to drop out of sport and physical hobbies if they don't perceive themselves as "good at" them (often self defined as better than at least a few others in the class - which means that every year someone else isn't good enough as the "bottom" participant drops out) and it's a huge shame and a snowball to not doing anything physical, low self esteem etc.

By all means let her try another sport or physical hobby too though in case she finds another niche she prefers and will carry on lifelong.

do it while she loves it, stop when she stops enjoying it. Maybe do a second hobby alongside it, something she does very well naturally

As above. She stops when she wants to,

even if she isn’t “good” in a traditional sense, she will still learn co-ordination, flexibility, strength etc which will last a lifetime.

sometimes I think we have it backwards- the kids who aren’t naturally good at these things are the ones who can benefit most from them. My friends kid was dyspraxic, but they stuck with gymnastics even though she was the worst in the class, because the physical benefits generally were amazing.

also- as a long term sports coach, sometimes the ones who burn slow and stick with it are the ones still there at 15, making a career from it. While the “talented” ones quit when it got hard, or injured/burned out from progressing too quickly.

It also depends on a dance school - how competitive they are, do they do exams and if yes, with whom. Some dance schools are more for fun but some are very serious.

Just to add it's absolutely not just the "talented" kids who progress through the grades.

As far as I know, no one has ever failed Grade 1.

Depends on the school but they'll be in each grade for around a year as standard, they can be kept behind or moved up. What happens is that the more talented kids will just get higher marks in their grades (Distinction or Honours).

There are loads of videos on Youtube that can help too. Type in RAD (or whatever the board is) Ballet Grade 1 2024 Syllabus and you'll find videos showing the exercises. Encourage her to practice 15 mins a day. Invite friends over from Ballet to play and before they go home encourage them to dance together for a bit. Lots of dancers in our family...any gathering ended up with a "show" before leaving. If you can afford it, or split it with another child you could book a private lesson before an exam.

My DD is a dance teacher. If only really talented kids had lessons she would soon be out of a job!
The most important thing about any hobby in my opinion is that* *the child enjoys it. There may come a point where your DD starts to find it too difficult and decides she doesn't want to do it anymore which I fair enough but if she enjoys her classes then I wouldn't discourage her. For one thing, I have seen plenty of late bloomers and many dancers who looked super promising when very young but didn't really develop so I wouldn't write anyone off at grade 1.
And even if she never becomes a very accomplished dancer it's good exercise, a social activity, offers performance opportunities that are good for developing self confidence etc and dance is just an enjoyable thing for many people - you don't have to be brilliant at it to get a lot out of it.
I don't really approve of parents who push their children to continue with hobbies that they don't seem to have much aptitude for and clearly don't enjoy (or hobbies that they do have aptitude for but clearly don't enjoy come to that!) but if dancing makes your DD happy, then encourage her to do her best and see how things go.

Would she do some yoga to help with flexibility, or ballroom and Latin to help with rhythm ?

My daughter is one of the most Stompy, ungraceful dancers you can imagine. She is 15 and loves ballet - she’s never going to be a professional but she goes because she loves it.
She is grade 3 and taking her next exam next summer - she doesn’t get brilliant marks but it doesn’t matter.

I loved ballet with a passion. I was not good at it, I'm incredibly stiff and have never been able to touch my toes or do the splits or achieve perfect turn out. But I loved doing it and it kept me incredibly fit. I knew perfectly well I was bottom of the class and didn't care one bit, somebody has to be. Kept it up till I was 16. It surprised everyone that I was particularly good en pointe and others whose natural gifts of flexibility had given them an easy ride so far were not up to doing the strengthening exercises required.

My daughter, equally unsuited as I was tried ballet, but was discouraged when her teacher kept her back a class and made her dance with the "babies", she lost her love for it and gave it up, and that was a shame.

So I say let her continue as long as it's fun, and it can still be fun even if you're a bit of a duffer like me.

Let her carry on if she enjoys it.

There is so much more to ballet than being good at it. As others have said, co-ordination, posture and working as a group which should not be under estimated.

My dd is a dancer but prefers other styles now so doesn't do that much ballet. But the amount of times she has been asked if she is a dancer, purely from how she walks, holds herself and stands.

That’s reassuring to know you can keep going even if you’re not brilliant. My worry was that she’d just start floundering but presumably at that point she’d stop enjoying it anyway? I also wonder about whether she could do the classes without taking the exams.

She already does a lot of other hobbies so she’s definitely not lacking in other opportunities but I think some of the points re activities often being most beneficial for those who aren’t naturally good at them has made me think a bit. It’s just tricky when ballet is a discipline known for perfectionism but I do think she’s learnt a lot of useful things despite not being brilliant at it.

My DD's ballet teacher doesn't do exams. All the kids develop at their own speed, and there's no pressure. I had DD in a more traditional class and she hated it, she loves this and looks forward to it every week. Maybe look around for a different style of class that isn't exam focused, and then your DD won't have the opportunity to fail, she can just get all the benefits of ballet including enjoying it?

If shes at a school that is based purely on achievement then as soon as she wants to and/or the teacher suggests it.
There are some schools that are more enjoyment based than exam focussed if you can try and find one near you if this one isn't suitable

is there a point where ballet becomes a bit humiliating if you’re rubbish at it

She's not embarrassed by it because she loves doing it. If you're embarrassed by her, then give yourself a slap and get back in there to applaud her for everything she does.

My DD was very similar. Got a reasonable mark in the exam because of LOTS of practice at home. But others sailed through with a distinction without any practice at home at all. After grade 1 we found that she got frustrated in the class, I also noticed the gradual creep of ballet culture, small comments about appearance from the teaching staff.

Long story short, we pulled her out, and she went off to do street, no exams, just turn up every week have fun, choreograph your own dances, wear what you want, no buns and hair spray. She absolutely loves it!

I also wonder about whether she could do the classes without taking the exams.
Talk to her teacher, if you think that's what your DD would like. Some teachers will expect every pupil to do exams, others are more flexible.
My DD has a wide range of pupils in her school, from those who have potential to work professionally to those who come once a week for 45 mins for fun. She also welcomes children with additional needs some of whom are very unlikely to be able to do an exam even with adjustments. So she has a variety of approaches for different pupils - the RAD graded exams, RAD class awards which are assessed a bit more informally and informal internal school awards for those who don't want or aren't able to do exams, so their progress is recognised even though they don't go through the external exam process.
Ultimately of course it's up to you - a teacher can't force your child to do an exam if it's not what you want, but I do know of teachers who would be "difficult" shall we say if you don't. But, in my opinion at least, a good teacher wants the best for every one of their pupils and should be willing to discuss the best option for each individual. If your teacher isn't open to discussing your concerns then personally I'd be looking elsewhere. But do consider how your DD feels about it - as the exams get harder she will be developing too, both physically and in her ability to understand what's required so you may be worrying unneccesarily at this stage.

I think I stopped at grade 5 when everyone else was starting to go en pointe. I was about 14yo. I was definitely the worst in the class, but that didn’t stope me everything it a lot until then. And I always looked a lot better when I was dancing at home or at school concerts or whatever, and I wasn’t standing next to the girls in my class who were so much better (three of the other five went on to dance school at 16yo).

I liked Tap a lot more. I don’t think I was particularly good at that either though!

My DD started at a new school, different examining board/syllabus and they made her re-do Grade 2. They then made her miss Grade 3 and go straight to Grade 4. I think going back over some stuff was good for her. She's a classically trained ballet dancer who unfortunately sustained an injury so now teaches

In many cases if a child isn't as good they've just not taken the exam and gone up with their class. I think this is much kinder

Edited to clarify

"She doesn't point her feet"

@Bunnycat101 I'm wondering whether she has fallen into the same trap my dd did. The teacher would say to point your toes, so she was. Just the toes though, and not her whole foot. She was scrunching her toes up and pointing them downwards, and to her mind she was doing exactly what the teacher had said. Toes. Point the toes. It was a fair while before the penny dropped that she was supposed to straighten her ankle and point her entire foot as well as the toes, so maybe check with your dd to see if there is a misunderstanding. I blame all those 'Good Toes, Naughty Toes' exercises!

Aside from that, it doesn't matter if she is any good at dance or not, she is enjoying it, she's getting some exercise and it will be good for her rhythm, musicality, posture, balance, co-ordination, proprioception, and taking instructions. All good skills to have.

She should definitely stick with it if she enjoys it. There is no rule that says you need to be above average/ talented at your hobbies. Maybe have a word with the teacher about the feet. It can be tricky for little ones to understand how to point their feet and what that should look or feel like. Maybe if her teacher looks with the shoe off and gently helps her find the foot position it will help. I wouldn't write off exams unless she doesn't want to do them. So what if she doesn't get a distinction or a merit (she might anyway if the teaching is good), It's a lovely achievement to get a certificate and a little medal whatever the result.

I did ballet (from zero) as an adult in an adult beginners class.

In reality I was like that Dawn French/ Darcey Bussel sketch. But I enjoyed it, and ballet is a super exercise.

The whole “be perfect or be elsewhere” mentality is really unhealthy.

Let her continue for as long as she enjoys it. It isn't a team sport where she might feel she's letting the side down, or at risk of injury from playing with more proficient pupils. She may discover another type of dance she wants to move on to, but let that be her decision.