Being rubbish at ballet- when to quit

[Bunnycat101]

My daughter is in a grade 1 class and it’s increasingly obvious she’s not made for ballet. She doesn’t point her feet, struggles to remember the steps and isn’t bendy at all. But…. She really likes it.

I’m all for doing things for enjoyment but is there a point where ballet becomes a bit humiliating if you’re rubbish at it? I can already see the step up between primary to grade 1 and she’s self aware to know she’s one of the worst. Do you generally only see the talented kids progressing up the grades?

"The whole "be perfect or be elsewhere" mentality is really unhealthy."

It isn't like that in regular local dance schools or at least it certainly shouldn't be, and I would advise immediate withdrawal of your dc from any school that treated kids like that. The perfection thing only really ramps up if they ever get as far as full-time vocational training, but it is a classical art form and perfection is what they are striving for.

I danced as a kid. I was crap at ballet and stopped taking exams after the grades.

I was however really good at tap and room exams right through to teaching so the ballet was just a class I did with my peers as it fitted into the timetable. So I went up with them just didn't take the exam for a low pass mark 😂

As an adult who would never be a ballerina, definitely don't have the body shape etc never danced in a competition. I did get up to advanced 1 ballet. I enjoyed contemporary modern jazz as well.
At the age of 35, I still go to adult ballet classes.
As long as she enjoys it! That's the main thing! It should be fun! Grade 1 is far too early to be perfect etc!

Ballet is a good underpinning for lots of different types of sport and dance.

I did lots of ballet and dance and I swear it helped me when I later moved into horse riding and sailing

It's also great for having friends outside of school.

I get the thing though about the confidence knock from being the "worst". On the other hand it can be a good life lesson to have to work at things.

I would let her do ballet for as long as she loves it but also introduce her to lots of other sports so she knows there are lots of other hobbies out there.

My daughter dances a lot but also goes rock climbing and the instructors said dance compliments it really well

There are so many different dance styles too, but ballet gives a good underpinning and discipline to moving on to other styles.

There are dancers at my daughter's school who go on to become professionals, but plenty who just go for the sheer enjoyment. They all seem to have a lovely time together. Plenty of the really talented ones only ever do it for fun anyway as they don't fancy trying to forge a career in dance.

Is it the teacher's view that she's not very good, or is it your view?
Your daughter may have terrific power and perfect rhythm. She may have an enchanting smile and a warm personality that encourages the whole class.
At some point she may figure out a way to remember steps and she may develop the muscles to point her toes. What flexibility are you thinking of at grade 1?

My daughter has taken ballet since she was 4 and it's her favourite thing. She happens to be good at it but that's actually not the most important thing. She dances at two schools - one is auditioned and quite serious and one is a local school with quite a varied mix of ballerinas. Some take the exams and some don't and the school caters for all (including quite a few students with additional needs). I think it's great for my daughter to be in both sorts of classes and it's made her a better dancer in a lot of ways.

My son plays football and is in what they call the 'development' group - though he isn't visibly developing and has stayed in this group for years now. He loves it and it helps keep him active and fit but he's certainly not particularly skilled. He's still doing it though until he gets asked to leave or asks to leave himself as he's still only 8 and why not spend time doing something you like. It was actually harder for my husband and I to wrap our heads around after watching my daughter only do something she's brilliant at - I think it makes my son far more well rounded as my daughter is somewhat of a perfectionist and generally less happy of kid.

Really long response but I'd say if your daughter and her coach are happy she should continue as long as she likes - and there are loads of options for non competitive dance classes that will keep her active and happy :) Ballet can get quite intense so you could always consider contemporary or acro or modern etc.

I think it’s great for kids to keep doing things they aren’t necessarily very good at - because they really have to work at it. Which is very good experience for when the things they are good at get hard.

Another vote for continuing as long as she enjoys it, for all the reasons already given, especially this one.

i would also add that I think it’s really healthy to have the capacity of enjoying something that you know that you are not good at.

I was very academic and musical, and excelled in these. However, I was rubbish at most sports. I found it excruciatingly embarrassing to be at the bottom of the class, when I was so used to being at the top. Even as an adult, I don’t enjoy things that I am not good at.

I look at my husband and my daughter who will throw themselves into things and will enjoy the experience, and be able to laugh at themselves when they are messing up.

On an almost opposite note - is the judgement that she is not suited to ballet your own or the teacher’s? And if yours, do you have experience of dance?

I ask, as I would have said exactly the same about my daughter early on. She was tomboyish and stomped around with apparent disregard to timing and form. When she was 7, she was invited to participate in dance festivals. I assumed that everybody must have been asked, and said she could, as I think it is importantly to have opportunities to not succeed in small and unimportant things, to help you learn that it’s OK and not the end of the world, and to build resilience.

To my astonishment, she won a medal at that first festival. She has gone on to win a fair few more. She’s been in the finals of national ballet competitions, and has won a place on a development programme with a national ballet company.

I would have said she had no natural facility for dance. I expected her to run around in a pretty leotard and skirt for a couple of years and then get bored. She looked much more in place running around with a football. I still can’t see what’s so good about her dancing.

But I am not a dancer, and clearly there was (and still is) something that people who know the art from can see that I cannot.

I stopped at 19, I achieved my grade 5. I loved it and would have been gutted to stop. It's great exercise too.

The only thing is I got put at the back a lot for dance shows

Ballet is great exercise and helps with rhythm and musicality so she can enjoy the school disco!
Seriously if she enjoys it she should keep going whether kids progress and whether they have to sit exams depends on the studio I think.
Some are fine with no exams some less so. Have you had a look at the older kids? Does the studio look inclusive of different sizes and levels of ability? Either class or show will give you a good idea.
if she starts to get self-conscious I would consider whether a different style of dance might be her thing jazz, contemporary, lyrical, hip hop, tap there are so many even some gym/aerobics/ acro might be enjoyable. You could also look for another studio if your current one prefers to teach the very able. There are lots of studios out there that in reality just have kids dancing for fun even the serious ones will often have teen ballet classes for the older kids where they just dance and don’t do exams.

Echoing others, I'd let her continue. Lessons, shows, exams - everyone I know is rooting for all of the children to do their best and it's wonderful when you see improvement whatever the starting point. Ballet and dance in general can be so good for them, discipline, exercise, confidence, friendships - I'd let her keep going as long as she enjoys it.

I don't know about your dance school, but with ours the actual exams are optional and the whole class moves up together regardless. I would still enter her for exams though unless she was actually not going to pass (in the teacher's opinion), the experience of being under a little bit of pressure in a safe way when it doesn't really matter is a great one to have from a young age.

I'd say my DD (teen) is somewhere on the middle of her ballet class, and at varying levels between probably 'top' and 'a bit left behind' in her other genres. It doesn't matter, it's wonderful to see the whole group develop their strengths and work on their weaknesses as they get older, seeing their dance "character" is lovely. One of the girls sounds a bit like your daughter, she notoriously stomped and twirled her way through ballet at 8,9,10 but never seemed to mind (nor did anyone else). At 15 she is still perhaps the weakest technically in ballet, but she fits in with the group when they perform, has beautiful posture and has bloomed in other genres too.

Let her keep going till she no longer enjoys it. Do they have different classes for different standards? I was gymnastics Mum and they had about 6 different levels with most children beings ‘general’ standard which again I bet varied greatly.

This is such a hard question! It depends on when she stops enjoying it really? And if she can have the confidence/self-esteem to keep going even if she can see she's behind/not as good at it as others. Ballet and dance is competitive and sometimes damaging in terms of physical appearance, by nature of the industry. There are loads of fun and brilliant companies but if she's doing it to compete, there may be a shock at some point. If she's doing it for fun then crack on!

My DD has just stopped karate, she asked to (age 4/5). I really wanted her to carry on and I'm of the view that a lot of people who are successful are pushed by parents day in/day out, but ultimately making her carry on would be more about me right now as she really didn't get it /was too young perhaps/wants to try a different sport.

If she sticks with it, she will get better. Just the persistence and doing it a couple of times a week will make them improve. She's still very little, and there's a fair chance there will be some click moments and things will come into focus for her so she doesn't look so out of synch. (There's also a possibility you're noticing the things that she does wrong and not noticing the things the other kids do wrong as your focus is your child.)
Maybe she'll decide she doesn't like it or other activities become busier and take over; or maybe she'll decide she adores it, practice lots at home and soar. For now, fun and persistence is doing the job, she will steadily improve even if it's not immediate to see from 'on the ground'.
Maybe you could encourage her to show you her routines at home, that will help with steps. Perhaps she could teach you them! Obviously you won't be very good at it so she'll need to show you lots of times...

Have you talked to the teacher? I spent years thinking I was paying for my little dumpling to do ballet and tap for pleasure, but it made her happy.
Then a new dance teacher arrived and started telling me how talented she was. For years I wasn't certain and then there was a dance show when she was 14 and I suddenly saw it.

All dance teachers at local recreational dance schools are very well aware that the overwhelming majority of their pupils are never going to become outstanding dancers. If the teachers suggested to parents that there wasn't much point in their dc continuing with lessons because they weren't all that much good, then they would very soon find themselves with an almost empty school and not enough income to keep going.

My dd was very talented with regard to any kind of dance but absolutely hopeless at acro. She kept going for many years, though...I felt that it was fine for her to keep doing it for as long as she wanted to do it, and her teacher agreed. She's the kind of kid who naturally excels at most things, so the acro was actually a fantastic opportunity for her to learn how to deal with failure effectively!! A very valuable lesson to learn imo.

Re exams, certainly the lower levels are aimed at children doing a hobby, not aspiring professionals. The teacher would very likely tell you if she didn't think DD would pass, it's not in her interest for her pupils to feel discouraged or humiliated.

I came here to say exactly this. Besides that, it's great exercise! Win win