Tween dancer worrying about her armpit hair

[WindsurfingDreams]

Just wondering if anyone else has advice on how to deal with this.

Dd (11) has a bit of armpit hair and said today she feels self conscious about it at dance (she dances four days a week) because of course she is wearing a leotard.

I'm pretty low maintenance and so it's definitely not a hangup she's got from me and I know the head of her dance school well and again I know she wouldnt allow any comments to make the girls self conscious.

But I also dont want it to put DD off dance when she lives to dance and gets so much joy from it.

I said I would have a think and that body hair is natural and normal but also that I could understand her feeling how she did. So really am hoping for some wise words or ideas.

Part of me doesn't want to encourage her to remove it but another part of me thinks I shouldn't stop her following her wishes either.

I am also worried practically about the best way, I wondered about just cutting the hair shorter as a compromise. As I dont like the thought of the chemicals in hair removal cream but also don't want her injured with razors etc

If it’s something she wants I would wax it - while she is young it’s better to wax to reduce hair growth. Start shaving and it will make tut hair stronger

My 11yo has been shaving her underarms and legs for 2 years. I did her underarms the first time / showed her how after introducing the idea then she got on with it. I don’t think it’s a female thing really, hairy arm pits just smell more, DH does his too for this reason. I wouldn’t use creams and have no idea why some parents of tweens think strong chemicals are better than a razor!

I don’t think I had a conversation with my mum. I tried once and she wouldn’t allow it so I got a razor and cracked on.

I wish I’d waxed from the start to be honest. Hated body hair then and hate it now. Itchy smelly stuff.

Oh god not nair! Surely it's not just me, that burns like hell on the armpits? Shaving of armpits is so straight forward and she will start doing it sooner or later it's a none issue imo

My DD is the same age and getting self conscious about armpit hair. I really don’t like armpit hair but I’ve told her she shouldn’t feel like she has to remove it but she wants to so I said she could have an electric shaver

Yeah, my mum also said no, so I just used her razor and cracked on 😂

My mum let me shave younger than that. She feels uncomfortable about it so should be able to shave if she wants to.

Never had an issue with it like that, it does pong but I like the results. Perhaps you’re quite sensitive?

Agree shaving is the most simple solution really.

Nair is horrific and I wouldn't say I have sensitive skin. It stinks and burns. Razors are a kinder option.

I think I was about 7 when I first plastered my legs in my dad’s shaving gel (the entire can) and used his razor on my non existent leg hairs….

They grow up fast these days, she will be fine with a razor.

@loropianalover admittedly it was a few years ago when it probably still immac not Veet so the formulation has probably come on a bit since then 😂

DD is almost 12 and for the past 12 months she's been having her eyebrows and upper lip waxed. Otherwise she'd have a monobrow and a moustache. Let her remove the hair if she wants to.

Theres a big difference between reminding people there could be unpleasant people lurking and troll hunting, which Mumsnet do not allow.

And I honestly thought armpit hair was a pretty innocuous topic

I thought it was just an urban myth that shaving makes it grow back thicker?

This is a brilliant response. Your body, your choice and I will support you.
Just like when she starts periods - she will be the one to decide which product options suit her and her lifestyle the best.

DD similar age. She asks me to shave it for her when she’s going somewhere like holiday / swimming etc but other wise leaves it alone. I’ve offered her hair removal cream or razor and she asked me to do with a razor. Offered to show her a few times but for now she’s happy to ask me to help on the occasions she wants it doing.

This is the approach I took in the end . The thread really helped.

My experience was worrying on my own and not daring to tell my dad and then nicking his razors (disposable I hasten to add, he had a big pack!) until I had money to buy my own. And I was older I guess as I lived in my own world a lot

We've agreed I will get her razors and show her how to use them and then she can shave if she wishes. But we did also talk about how it is normal and natural as well.

I told her about the different options but said i thought shaving was the best option for now and she was happy with that

Rightly or wrongly the majority of women remove their armpit hair, I’m not sure anyone should be making a stand/point about it with a self conscious 11 year old. I know it’s frustrating - I wanted very much for my dd not to be bound by the same conventions I was, but we’re not there yet.

For me it wasnt so much the conventions as the practicalities as well if that makes sense.

Plus I have the added layer that my ex (her dad) was and remains quite a bully and very controlling about what she can wear etc and so I have to feel confident in decisions as I know I will likely get a torrent of abuse from him (and please judge cafcass, not me, if you think she shouldn't have to spend time with him, because goodness knows how much of myself I gave to try and shield my kids from the worst of him)

If you want a recommendation for a razor that is less likely to cut/ cause irritation, then the Gillette ones with the in build gel bars (comfort glide) make it really easy for them. They are not cheap though!

As someone who danced at that age herself and had the same hangups and also a mum who couldn't have cared less about it herself so just never gave me any guidance at all I think I'm fairly well positioned to answer. Whatever you do don't do nothing. My mum just shrugged and did nothing when i asked which made me feel both stupid for asking and MORE self conscious about the armpit hair. in the end i used to pinch my much older brothers disposable razors out of the bin and shave with them. Which was OBVIOUSLY not at all ideal and i had awful rashes and uneven nasty shaves. Just talk to her as others have suggested, and explain that her body is to do as she wishes with, you can say that it's nothing to be ashamed of, but make sure you add that if she WANTS to do something about it then thats fine too. I would also include her in the conversation about HOW to manage it. You can explain the options of depilatory creams like Nair, wax strips, electric shavers and razors and explain the pros and cons and then ask her if she would like to try one of the methods.

These things are definitely tricky to manage because we so very much don't want to give our children things to be self conscious of, but talking to her and just supporting her choices will be invaluable here.

Good luck :)

Ah thank you that's helpful! I was wondering about trying something along those lines.

Thank you, and yes I have given her a big hug and said I am glad she can talk to me and that we will figure it out together.

I am just not very practically minded and didn't have a mum who was modelling how to handle this stuff so the combination has made me feel out of my depth!

I was soooo self conscious about my hairy arms, hairy lip, hairy chin when I was younger. People used to comment on it.
I always said the minute my daughter said she felt self conscious about any body hair, I would go through the options of removing. They're going to remove it anyway so I see no need for her to feel self conscious about it until I am ready for it to be moved! xx

Please let her shave her arm pits. My mum refused to allow me to. When I was 15 my ballet teacher had to speak to her as there was so much hair and I'm dark haired. We had an upcoming show and my teacher didn't want me on stage showing my arm pits. My mum reluctantly allowed it with an electric razor which she supervised. This was mid 1990s.