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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Tween dancer worrying about her armpit hair

54 replies

WindsurfingDreams · 07/11/2024 20:15

Just wondering if anyone else has advice on how to deal with this.

Dd (11) has a bit of armpit hair and said today she feels self conscious about it at dance (she dances four days a week) because of course she is wearing a leotard.

I'm pretty low maintenance and so it's definitely not a hangup she's got from me and I know the head of her dance school well and again I know she wouldnt allow any comments to make the girls self conscious.

But I also dont want it to put DD off dance when she lives to dance and gets so much joy from it.

I said I would have a think and that body hair is natural and normal but also that I could understand her feeling how she did. So really am hoping for some wise words or ideas.

Part of me doesn't want to encourage her to remove it but another part of me thinks I shouldn't stop her following her wishes either.

I am also worried practically about the best way, I wondered about just cutting the hair shorter as a compromise. As I dont like the thought of the chemicals in hair removal cream but also don't want her injured with razors etc

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/11/2024 20:16

Electric shaver, sorted.

End of online discussion of pubescent female children and their development before it goes off on a tangent that may or may not be intentional.

sprigatito · 07/11/2024 20:18

I think it's a good opportunity to show her that her body belongs to her, and she gets to make the decisions about it. By all means discuss the ethical issues around removing body hair, but let her make the choice.

Aytr · 07/11/2024 20:18

I'd just let her shave it. She will in a year or two anyway and her dexterity (so chance of injury) will be pretty similar. I really don't see shaving under your arms as a big deal at all.

Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 07/11/2024 20:19

sprigatito · 07/11/2024 20:18

I think it's a good opportunity to show her that her body belongs to her, and she gets to make the decisions about it. By all means discuss the ethical issues around removing body hair, but let her make the choice.

Thanks, yes that's where my head is going with it I think

OP posts:
Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 07/11/2024 20:20

Aytr · 07/11/2024 20:18

I'd just let her shave it. She will in a year or two anyway and her dexterity (so chance of injury) will be pretty similar. I really don't see shaving under your arms as a big deal at all.

You're probably right it's just one of those parenting things thats new to me. And my mum was largely absent when I was a teen so I never had these kind of conversations I just figured these things out on my own so not sure what's normal

OP posts:
Meowingtwice · 07/11/2024 20:21

Let her shave it. Its so embarrassing to feel that way at 11. And it can be solved by a razer. Of all the issues you'll encounter this one isn't worth the hassle.

Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 07/11/2024 20:22

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/11/2024 20:16

Electric shaver, sorted.

End of online discussion of pubescent female children and their development before it goes off on a tangent that may or may not be intentional.

Edited

Excuse me, what exactly are you accusing me of? If you are concerned I am dodgy you are welcome to report me and Mumsnet can let you know I am a long term regular user.

OP posts:
DaemonMoon · 07/11/2024 20:22

DD 12 is a dancer. She mentioned about hers. I told her she could leave it as is or remove it. Hasn't asked to remove it yet.

Pinkmoonshine · 07/11/2024 20:23

Mine shaved her arm pits and legs younger than that. It’s just not a big deal.

CollisionCourse · 07/11/2024 20:23

I think it's the time to go with her op, be light and open, show her the way to remove it if she likes (electric razor or normal razor carefully taught) but explain there no need to it's completely natural and just personal choice, everyone is different. Our dance school are at pains to stress that body hair is a personal thing and removing it or not is an individual choice, but they do have discreet words if it seems to be causing concern in any way. I like the pragmatic approach.
This stuff is hard isn't it! x

loropianalover · 07/11/2024 20:23

Age 11 in dance with her peers is not the time to force ‘embrace yourself and your body’ lessons tbh. Let her fit in and shave it.

Or use some Nair.

Singleandproud · 07/11/2024 20:24

Buy her a range of at home products and show her how to do it safely, she may choose to do it she may choose not to but it'll be her choice.

DD did do it for a while and then stopped hairy legs and armpits aren't a big deal here and nobody comments and even if they did she wouldn't have it.

I do draw the line at funding any out of home procedures though, I don't want her in the habit of paying to modify her appearance other than ofcourse hair cuts.

Oblomov24 · 07/11/2024 20:24

Just talk about it. Give her the chance, the choice, to leave it or remove it. I shave my legs and my armpit hair, only occasionally, when I can be bothered.

Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 07/11/2024 20:25

CollisionCourse · 07/11/2024 20:23

I think it's the time to go with her op, be light and open, show her the way to remove it if she likes (electric razor or normal razor carefully taught) but explain there no need to it's completely natural and just personal choice, everyone is different. Our dance school are at pains to stress that body hair is a personal thing and removing it or not is an individual choice, but they do have discreet words if it seems to be causing concern in any way. I like the pragmatic approach.
This stuff is hard isn't it! x

Edited

Thank you ! Yes I think if she didn't dance she wouldn't have thought about it really, and that's why I didn't expect the conversation yet (but also, see above, I just had to figure these things out for myself so haven't been on the other side of the conversation)

OP posts:
Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 07/11/2024 20:26

loropianalover · 07/11/2024 20:23

Age 11 in dance with her peers is not the time to force ‘embrace yourself and your body’ lessons tbh. Let her fit in and shave it.

Or use some Nair.

Yeah I get that, it's just partly that I don't like the idea of the chemical hair removers. I can see it's a case of helping her learn to use razors safely as the best option

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 07/11/2024 20:27

I let mine remove her "monobrow" at this age she let's her leg and armpit hair grow as an adult but maintains her eyebrows 🤷‍♀️

GlessJinn · 07/11/2024 20:28

How about wax strips?

295bkq · 07/11/2024 20:30

Just let her have a razor and shave it in the shower. She probably won’t cut herself, but if she does it’ll be minor and she’ll learn.

feelinhopeful · 07/11/2024 20:34

My teens both dance. They shaved from age 11-12. We had a discussion about it being their body and their choice. I often don't shave as I CBA!

Fast forward a few years and both now frequently go to dancing now without shaving beforehand, they don't seem to care about it. Teens seem to be a lot more relaxed about body hair than my generation.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/11/2024 20:38

WindsurfingDreams · 07/11/2024 20:22

Excuse me, what exactly are you accusing me of? If you are concerned I am dodgy you are welcome to report me and Mumsnet can let you know I am a long term regular user.

Show quote history

It's not necessarily you that could be a problem. I still answered in good faith.

PuddlePeeps · 07/11/2024 20:42

I think it's always worth someone pointing out that for every parent reading these posts and being helpful, there could be a 50 year old man in his dressing gown getting off on reading about children shaving, and so to be careful in how much detail to go into. Doesn't mean the OP was a troll, but it's amazing how these threads go sometimes with oversharing

MidnightMeltdown · 07/11/2024 20:48

She's 11, not 5, she's old enough to use a razor.

I started shaving my legs at a similar age. I didn't even tell my mum, I just nicked her razor! 😂

WonderingWanda · 07/11/2024 20:57

Just get her an electric razor. My dm was bizarrely hung up on not letting me shave my armpits or legs, somehow seemed to think it was too grown up, it was like she was unable to cope with the idea I was going through puberty.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 07/11/2024 21:00

I’m 40 and still get very emotional thinking about my mother’s refusal to let me shave my legs or armpits at a similar age. Please just get her a razor.

Pebbles16 · 07/11/2024 21:01

I "wasn't allowed" to shave my legs at a similar age (also danced), It gave me huge body dysmorphia

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