Ballet - any point continuing if DD doesn't practice?

[dancedn]

She said she wants to do this as a career, but I don't think her heart is in it or that she even enjoys it. She doesn't practice, not for an exam, a competition or a show. She insists, whenever I check, that she likes it and insists this is what she wants. It's starting to become noticeable in her results; with low exam marks and thus time the teacher delaying putting her in for another exam, also in competitions, and generally she's not improving.

She does a lot of dance (including a private lesson) and it's costing an awful lot of money (£400 last month) and I'd be happy to let her coast along indefinitely but we've had a downturn in finances and are quite badly off at the moment.

I'm not sure what to do. If she wanted to drop some of it and continue at hobby level then fine, but she says not, and still won't practice.

Any help appreciated as I'm at a loss at the moment.

I'd be happy with paying for lessons as a hobby but I wouldn't do private tuition. Is sh supposed to practice outside of lessons? How does she do in exams etc.

How old is she?

15

She's doing badly in exams now. She got the lowest mark in the group who took it.

Her sister does ballet too but only a once a week hobby class, but never wanted to do more.

How is she planning on doing it as a career if she can't be bothered to practice every day ?

At 15 she’s old enough to understand the consequences of not practising and of family finances being less than infinite. If she’s not putting in the work then it’s an awful lot of money to spend on what’s essentially a nice to have hobby, so I wouldn’t be offering her the choice - either she commits to it or she finds a cheaper hobby.

I really don't know. I have said this, but nothing gets through. She's been quite rude to me about it and doesn't like to discuss. I can't see her being accepted by anywhere even, as she'll have to start applying to places next year.

She doesn't seem to care. I'll admit she said I was whining about it the last time I tried to discuss. That was the final straw for me.
I wouldn't mind if she was putting some work in but she does nothing at all outside of her classes.

OP she’s 15 she’s not a small child.
You need to sit her down and have this conversations
‘Your dancing competitively is costing us a lot of money. We are essentially investing in your future career. We don’t really have that money anymore but if you were doing extremely well we would make it work… but you’re not. In fact you’re consistently under achieving at this point, you’re not practicing and you’re not seeming like your heart is in it at all. It doesn’t feel worth it for us to keep investing like this. Ultimately you either drop the dancing or you find a part time job and start funding a good chunk of it yourself. If it’s definitely what you want to do.’

😂😂😂😂😂

Im sat here howling at the thought of me ever telling my mother she was ‘whining’ omg.

Do up a training contract with help from her teacher
Lessons
Outside work
Good maners when speaking about training to her employer

With a measurement of improvement which is time based.

If she is not meeting the metric she needs to justify why she remains as an trainee in your school of dance.

I wouldn't be paying for a private lesson - we usually do a couple before the exam but not regularly
My child doesn't do any practice - there is no time with school but we do 8 hrs of lessons a week

I have a (much younger) serious dancer at home - its an all or nothing thing. if he doesn’t dance, he sings, watches dance, listens to music.
He doesn’t practice that much, but he does dance 4 to 5 days a week, and practices in his head a far bit, marking as he goes. He is much younger, so not keen on him doing more

What does her teacher say? Does she know about the career ambitions?

If she doesn’t care then you have your answer! She can always get a part time job in a year or so to help towards the cost if she feels her life is awful without ballet. Don’t be guilt tripped into anything by a teenager who isn’t doing anything to demonstrate her commitment (I’ve had three 15 year olds, if something is really important to them they’ll do anything for it!)

I did ballet for 16 years. Loved it never wanted a career (luckily as I wasn't good enough) you are right it won't happen if she doesn't do the work. She takes for granted the cost

Aged 15, you cannot practice ballet at home, other than a few plies, tendus and some balancing exercises. Dullsville. There's no room in a normal house to do anything else. Margot Fonteyn didn't practice at home, it says so in her autobiography.

If you don't mind me asking, what exam syllabus do they do at her school, and what grade is she currently studying?

My daughter left home at 16 to train professionally, winning a place at an international conservatoire after a gruelling round of auditions. To get her place she had to compete against girls from all over the world as well as the UK. It's really tough and super competitive - definitely not for the faint hearted!

My girl dedicated every moment of her spare time from 11 years old because it was all she ever wanted. So many classes, pre-professional courses and weekend schools. So much expense and travelling! She wasn't the most naturally talented or physically gifted but she worked exceptionally hard and was a fabulous performer.

Even then, chronic injury stopped her in her tracks after 3 year's professional training.

It's very important for parents to be realistic with their children about the chances of success. It's exceptionally hard to make this a career.

There are no guarantees even for the most talented but, without that inbuilt self discipline and work ethic, making it your career would be impossible.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in doing dance as a hobby and enjoying it for fun. Having said that, some dancers do develop later and she might find her inner mojo in a few years time. There are lots of different pathways and some do go into a dance career after University, providing they can access the right training.

@taxi4ballet She's in advanced 1 RAD

We do have a dance room at home, with dance flooring (I've always done ballet too you see) but it's used by her sister and as a gym. They're supposed to run through solos to make sure they know them and other dances.

I've read the Margot biography, and autobiography! I remember that.

Yes @SisterWendyBuckett It's a difficult and competitive industry to get into.

You are not really supposed to practice at home other than work on strength and flexibility. My daughter went to full time dance school and dance college and she did have access to dance flooring at home but she never actually practised choreo or even syllabus work really except during lockdown.

15 is pretty young for a non full timer to be doing Advanced 1, is she maybe not ready for it. Is she spending too much times on choreo and comps rather than developing strength and technique. She might be better off doing cross training or weights etc.

Yes. She knows about her career ambitions and spoke to me about putting off the exam and why. She's not putting much effort in the lessons, any of them, apparently.

I'll be honest, at 15 unless she's the best of the best she's not going to be a ballerina . Dance on stage eg musical theatre is a possibility, cruise ships all carry dancers for instance. But I think she needs a reality check and perhaps reduce what you are spending.

My DD's a musician and I was spending around £100 a week by that age, not enough practice was going on!I do feel your pain.

Just wondering if she's ok and if someone either in dance or elsewhere has made a comment about her similar to the one above. It could have really just knocked her confidence and rather than underachieving maybe she's really struggling? That alongside physical changes that will inevitably be happening to her as a fifteen year old. Just a thought.

15 is pretty young for a non full timer to be doing Advanced 1, is she maybe not ready for it. Is she spending too much times on choreo and comps rather than developing strength and technique. She might be better off doing cross training or weights etc.

She does minimal comps and choreo (recently says she doesn't like her solos - she only has three, ballet related, no other dances) and used to do cross training, weights and conditioning, but literally won't do anything now.

I'm happy for her to drop to the same hobby level as her sister but she insists she doesn't want to. I'm not sure I'm getting it across very well that she seems to have given up and no longer enjoys it, but won't hear of making any changes.