DD12 doing too much dance??

[basilbrush]

[A very frivolous concern given global events, I know!!]

My DD, age 12, is doing ballet (Grade 4 class plus an extra intermediate foundation), tap (Grade 3) and modern (Grade 4) this year. I always said I'd never let her do all three but here we are!

I should point out that she only started ballet last year. They put her straight into Grade 3 as she showed promise and she's progressed quickly.

This equates to 5.5 hours of classes a week. The cost, of course, is crippling but my main concern is that she risks doing too much and becoming exhausted. Also school work - she's only in Year 8 but there's no way she could fit this in with GCSEs etc?

She really really loves dancing. During lockdown she danced to DVDs / online classes for an hour or two pretty much every day for 6 months by choice.

I have told her that she can do all three this year and then she has to give one up. This has not gone down well at all and caused her much angst.

I don't think she realises that as you progress in ballet, it takes over your whole life and you really just need to concentrate on that. She's not en pointe yet, should be within next six months, depending on lockdown closures of dance school etc. At a push she could keep either tap or modern going on the side to add a bit of variety??

Any one had similar experience with dance-mad daughter?? What did you decide to do?

Thanks!

My dd was doing the same at that age, and she stopped doing tap.

I would wonder if the best approach would be to plan a discussion with her teachers towards the end of this year, not as a "which should she give up" but more of a "what does she need to do to progress", what are the next steps, what should she (and you!) expect. If ballet training is looking plausible, two years in and age 12/13 would seem a good point to map out the various routes she could take, if she wants to and if she is successful. Such a discussion will inevitably allow her to see and say for herself, what discipline to let go and when.

I'm not knowledgeable about dance myself, so hopefully others may post to say, actually she needs to do "X" sooner or "Y" later and that will be the crunch point :)

I do appreciate the difficulty of telling a child to think about giving something up. My youngest had to drop piano lessons in favour of organ at 13. Some months back I tried to have a conversation with my eldest about what music she wanted to do in yr 13 (just started) - and made the mistake of saying, for example do you want to keep having clarinet lessons or drop them and just play in wind band ... Was I in trouble for even suggesting it!

My kids go through phases of doing between 3-10 hours a week. Have been since they were five. They love it. It’s never been an issue.

Oh, and of course she can fit it in with GCSE’s. The hardcore dedicated dancers tend to be the most organised and motivated. 5.5hrs is not many hours to be dancing at all.

I don't know much about Dance. But I do know teenagers doing a variety of stuff that add up to more than 6hrs a week... So swimming twice a week, Guides/Scouts plus another hobby.

No, I don't think it's too much personally, if she can manage it around her other commitments and is managing to get enough sleep etc. Five and a half hours isn't actually that much across a whole week - a lot of kids do much more than this, especially if they're serious about it as a potential career option.

DD was doing about 4.5 hours of dance before lockdown (reduced now as teacher has had to rejig the schedule due to covid), then on top of that, she was doing 3 hours of drama school, a half hour singing lesson plus a series of external/school productions which required 2-6 hours of rehearsals each week at different points through the year. She was also volunteering for an hour reach week. Dance has now reduced to an hour a week, drama and singing are back to usual but there are no productions at present.

DD is now in year 11. Performing arts are just a hobby for her, but they are incredibly important to her for her mental health, and she would not be prepared to cut down on them. Although she is very busy, it hasn't had an impact on her studies - she is predicted all 9s. However, she is highly self-disciplined, very well organised and much higher energy than a lot of her friends, who probably wouldn't be able to cope with her schedule.

I do sometimes worry about her doing too much (less since lockdown as her activity levels have decreased due to covid) but on the other hand, her hobbies are what bring her joy and make life worth living. A lot of kids start dropping hobbies as they approach GCSEs, but dd is keen to continue with them as she believes that they will help her to actively manage the pressure.

I think a lot depends on the individual. Personally, I don't have as much energy as dd, and I'd have burned out pretty soon on a schedule like hers before lockdown. DD is different, though. She doesn't seem to need much down time just to sit and watch tv/play on her phone etc. She is energised and refreshed by going out to do the stuff that she loves, it gives her a structure to her week, and it actually helps her to stay motivated and focused on her studies. For other kids, it would be too much.

How does your dd cope with her schedule at the moment? How is she doing at school, and is she good at staying on top of her work? Does she eat well and get plenty of sleep? Does she look forward to dance or does she have to drag herself out of the house? Does she come home tired or energised? Is she snappy and irritable or generally cheerful and upbeat?

My daughters (13 and 11) do 10 classes each a week although that includes singing and dancing. Oldest does 3 x ballet classes (has gone on pointe just before lockdown so only just going back) They do singing, modern, jazz, tap, ballet and fitness/stretching. They have to be very disciplined about homework but get it done as they love their dancing so much! They were doing classes on zoom every day all through lockdown which was brilliant! If it works and she loves it why not? I'd rather they were dancing than sat at home or roaming around with friends. I will be mega rich when they stop though!😂

During her GCSE year in Y11, my dd not only managed to fit in dance classes of about 15 hours a week, she also did associates, performed with English Youth Ballet, took two ballet exams (one of which was Adv 2) and audtioned for a place at 8 vocational schools plus 3 finals.

IF they are determined enough, they can do it.

I wouldn't recommend art as a GCSE though, too much homework!

My boys don't so 6 hours of any one thing but they do about 8 hours combined between soccer, hurling( in ireland) and rugby not counting swimming etc and they don't appear tired.. they're always tears when I suggest dropping something even though they wouldn't be very 'talented' at any of them..

I think it's ok??

My DD did more than that for a few years in her sport plus a ballet class.

I would be asking for a better discount from the dance school though

I think there's quite a lot of regional variation here, because I don't know anyone at 12 who does so little extra curricular. There's quite a lot of keeping up with the joneses where I live. I'm trying to keep my dd, also 12, on a broader range. So, she's does a few hours of dance, a few hours of swim club and a few hours of football a week. That already is no where near enough to 'keep up' to those who have already decided to focus on that, so the decent swimmers for example are already doing at least 12 hours per week by that age. Which is fine. I don't want her to do too much.

I studied ballet, jazz and contemporary for most of my childhood going up to college. It was a lot and exhausting, however for the career I wanted it was necessary.
So I think it really depends on what she wants to do with her future.

I will also add I probably did around 10-15 hours a week of dance training. So 5.5 really doesn't seem a lot.

Lots of things to consider... if dance is a hobby, it’s a matter of balancing what she wants to do and what you can afford. 5.5 hours is not too much, and as others have said, the discipline will help with her studies. She could also do less and still enjoy her dancing and make progress, if the amount she is doing is working out too expensive. Learning to work within a budget is an important life lesson.
If she wants to pursue dance as a career, she will need to supplement her classes with private lessons to catch up, as she is behind where you would expect a serious 12 year old to be. 5.5 hours a week is a lot less than many of her peers, and may prevent her from catching up and subsequently keeping up.

My 9yo DD does around 8 hours of ballet / jazz during the week then 4 hours of associates at the weekend so don't think it is too much.

I wouldn't necessarily say however she is behind grade wise for a serious dancer though I would probably drop tap and up the ballet.

mine have been doing 4-4.5hrs a week (not including shows) since they were 7/8ish. One would love to do so much more but we really are at maximum capacity money wise so sadly money will end up limiting her.

Mine were doing 2.5 hours at g2 because they loved its. I don't think it's too much if she genuinely enjoys and wants to keep up with it.

Not dance but music.... before going to specialist school in September DD1 (then 12) was having 5hrs tuition on a Saturday, a further hour during the week and a 3hr performing arts class on Fridays. That's without the 1-2 hrs of daily practice. She also did 3 seasons of pro panto while holding down this routine. Yes, she was knackered at times! But she coped brilliantly, even through the busiest and most pressured times. If they love it and are dedicated, it's not too much.

I think it's fine mine was doing similar hours though a mix of dance and MT at a similar age. By year 10 she was doing 10.5 hours per week, it did drop back to 7.5 hours in year 11. She got a fabulous set of GCSEs and it prepared her for the reality of professional training - she is out the house for 14 hours a day with 10.5 hours a day at college plus travelling.
If they want to take this further they have to be able to organise and prioritise everything.

I don't see the issue, my DD11 does 7hrs of dance a week (shes only grade 3 though so maybe less intense?) - ballet, tap, modern, street dance, acro and freestyle. She also plays piano at grade 3. Its all day Saturday, all Tuesday night, 1 hr weds and 1 hr Thursday, plus obviously lots of practice at home. Still leaves plenty of time for homework and going out with friends (although not enough time to keep her room tidy apparently). She wants to be a doctor so she does take school seriously, but I think she would move out if I suggested she quit dance! And shes incredibly fit and strong so it's to be encouraged as far as I'm concerned

My dd was doing 7 hours in the week and Company for four hours at the weekend

She’s just going g4 ballet this term as it felt way too much - she’s year 7

Depends how tired your dd is I guess !

The only issue to me would be if you can't afford it, or if she is struggling at school or physically.

Otherwise, let her do the ones she wants. I did far more hours than that with music at that age and right through to the end of school - a couple of hours of practice most days, plus several lessons, and hours in out of school choirs and orchestras, as well as in school choirs and orchestras, and all the concerts. And I wasn't particularly good nor considering it as a career - the ones who were did far far more than that.

I didn't struggle at school, though, which makes a difference - I could fit homework and revision in the small spaces between things, and I learned to be very organised. I also did Guides, and at some ages, things like swimming. Admittedly, not much social life, but that wouldn't have been different otherwise.

So I see no need to curtain activities unless there is actually a problem or the expense is too much (which is understandable!). I hated always having that threat over me that I would have to choose something out of the different activities.

When I was a swimmer, training About 10-15,hours a week, every single person in my squad (about 15 of us), every single one, was at a grammar school. Anecdotal I know, but you just fit stuff in better. You know you're going swimming at 7pm, so you do your hw at 5pm, non negotiable. On my days off from swimming, I just wasted time, watching tv etc, and didn't ever want to start my hw.

Thank you, ladies for all this great advice.

If she carried on ballet next year, it would soon be up to about 6-7 hours a week of just that, plus about 3 of modern and tap so yes, it would go up to about 10 hours a week. She also learns an instrument and has a weekly singing lesson.

On the upside, the dance school is 10 mins walk from our house, which means there's not lots of time wasted driving there and back!

My DS (11) does 11.5 hours of swim training a week (his club is on the low end of training hours too, the equivalent squads in other local clubs do 16 hours). He also does some other stuff too.

Loads of kids are doing similar amounts - or more. In all kinds of activities.

The question isn’t really about a number of hours that is too much for every child, but about how your DD is coping with what she’s doing. If she’s doing well and enjoying it, there’s no issue (so long as you can afford the fees and are willing to be taxi service). It’s entirely different if she’s exhausted or struggling at school.