Upset by parents I helped

[Elbowedout]

NC to avoid outing. Sorry this may be long.
My DD (14) has been competing in her sport since she was 9. She is not outstanding but she is pretty good. A new girl of similar age joined our club last year. She was fairly inexperienced but clearly talented. Her parents didn't have much idea about the sport. The girls get on quite well and the parents seemed nice enough so I kind of took them under my wing, explained a lot of stuff to them, gave them the heads up whenever I heard about a training opportunity or competition that might be of interest and that kind of thing.
Then this Spring I was taken seriously ill and unable to take my DD to a lot of training and events. I asked the other girl's parents for lifts a few times but there was always an excuse why they couldn't help. It felt a bit weird, given they live close by whereas other parents from further away were willing to pick up DD. Plus their attitude changed a bit and they started being a little less friendly in general.But the reasons given were always legitimate sounding so I put it down to bad luck.
A couple of weeks ago both girls were invited to join a regional training squad. It is a smallish sport and we live in a geographically large region so the training would involve a lot of travel and it is on a school night. If I was well, I might have considered it but I told my DD I really didn't think we could manage it and she took it quite well. The other Mum told me that she felt the same and they weren't going either.
Which was all fine. Until today I was told by a reliable third party that the other girl is actually going after all. Not only that, but she has attended some other events that they had told me they weren't going to over the last couple of months.
I am gutted on my DD's behalf, and feel quite betrayed to be honest. I have been generous with my knowledge of the sport and before I was ill I offered a lot of help to their DD, as has my DD. I can't come up with any other rational explanation for their behaviour other than that it is deliberate to give their child an advantage over mine. Their girl has become the coaches' favourite too. My DD has accepted it all and is always complimentary about her friend. She is talented and has exactly the right physical attributes for the sport. They really don't need to resort to this kind of thing.
I don't know what to do now. I can't get my DD to the training independently and I don't feel like I can ask them for lifts. They have made it clear that they don't want to help us. They will literally be driving across the end of our road on their way and they know DD wanted to go even though I had reservations. If it was a one off I could perhaps believe that they didn't ask because I has said I was concerned about the late nights, but with all the other stuff I am struggling to see the best in them right now.
I am not sure what I want from this post to be truthful. I considered putting it in AIBU to gauge if my reaction is rational, but I am feeling so upset about it all I couldn't face the probable savaging. Hoping people might be kinder here.
Do I say anything to them? Do I let my DD know or just leave it and see if her friend says anything?
I feel so rubbish. I felt I letting my DD down by not being able to get her there initially but somehow the fact her friend couldn't go either made it seem less bad. Now she is the only one left out and we have been deceived as well. By people we helped and I thought were friends.
I know it isn't the end of the world but on top of the generally crappy time we've been having with my health and following on from that, finances, it really feels like we are being kicked when we are down.

I’m so sorry, OP, that’s really shitty. Someone will be along soon to say they’re under no obligation to help blah blah and of course they’re not, but this sounds really unkind.

Could you ask them outright what’s going on?

I’m sorry you’ve been ill.

It does sound like they think your DD will outshine theirs. Still horrible behaviour, though.

There are a particular breed of sporting parents who are just awful. So sorry you’ve come across this lot at such a bad time. Keep dignified, feel the hurt, move on and be proud your daughter is handling it so well.

It is ungenerous to someone why has been the opposite to them. They have not shown themselves in a good light - you wouldn’t really want to be entrusting your precious daughter to them every week anyway.

Your girl sounds lovely.

Sorry - who, not why.

Thanks for the kind words. It makes me feel a bit better to know that others think I am not being completely unreasonable. I know they are not obliged to help but I just find it weird that people are at best so self absorbed that they can basically drive past our house without thinking to offer a lift and at worst deliberately trying to disadvantage another child. I see it as good for both girls, good for our little club and good for the sport in our town that we have 2 girls performing at this level and would always support their DD as well as my own. If it was the other way round it wouldn't occur to me to go to events without offering to take her. But obviously they don't feel the same way, which makes me sad.
Other people have been great. There is another family with a younger child who do a detour to pick my DD up for training every week but always refuse petrol money as "we were going anyway". This illness has certainly shown me who my real friends are, and they haven't all been who I expect.
I'm just dreading my DD finding out that her friend is going and she isn't. She won't complain but I know she will be very hurt.

It's really shitty of them op, and I would be upset too.

Can you contact the organisers of the regional training & ask them if they can offer any help with the travel arrangements? I'd imagine they'd be keen to pull out the stops for anyone with real potential. Who knows, they may even be able to guilt the other girl's parents into arranging a lift for your DD. They're being really despicable.

Its simple - your dd is a threat to their dd. They are clearing a path for her and your dd is now conveniently out of the way.

I wouldn't be entirely sure that your dd's 'friend' is much of a friend at all. If she was, then surely she would go out of her way to persuade her parents to help by giving lifts etc.

@EileenAlanna that is a good idea and I will be seeing the organisers at a competition in a few weeks so they may ask why we are not going when the other girl is. Though to be honest, I am not sure I even want to ask them now. They clearly don't want to take her or they would have offered, and I dont want to grovel. But then am I letting my pride get in the way of DDs progress. I dont know. I am not sure she would want to go if she knew they had been forced into it. The daft thing is that neither girl is likely to be a future Olympian in reality. They will probably go on to make their University teams in due course and be good quality club players as adults. It just isn't worth all this cloak and dagger stuff. But it still hurts. I wish I could stop myself being bothered by it.

What a horrible position you've been put in, especially as you've supported the other girl and her parents when they were new to the sport.

If I were in the same position I think I'd be inclined to tell my DD that I thought the other girl had taken up the regional offer so that she heard it from me, in the privacy of her own home, rather than possibly finding out in a more public setting. Your DD then has the option of maintaining the friendship but in the knowledge that her parents consider your DD to be too much of a competitor, or can choose to keep her distance.

It won't change the situation you're in, but as a parent of a child who's got into a sport I know nothing about, thank you for being so generous with your time and knowledge. DD2's love of her sport has been encouraged by parents who know about that sport and who've answered my endless questions, offered advice on equipment, given DD2 coaching tips and let us know about events. I am massively appreciative of their support and friendship and know DD2 wouldn't have made half the progress had they not been so generous with their expertise. Were any of them in need of lifts to an event/training, I'd go out of my way to help. I'm sorry the family you've supported don't feel the same way.

Thanks @SE13Mummy. I think you are right.
I am just going to tell DD, as you suggest, that I think they are going after all. I wont let her know that I think they have deliberately excluded her, though I suspect she will figure that out herself.
I am not going to make a scene, but I don't think I will be going out of my way to be quite so supportive in future.

Well I know exactly where I stand now. I thought I had better check my facts before I told DD so I messaged the other mum inviting her DD to join us at something else that I know clashes with one of the training sessions. A bit disingenuous I know, but it got me my answer. My long, chatty message was met with a very short reply saying that they are busy that night. I think that says it all really.
As a PP suggested I have spoken my DD. She says she is a bit sad but not surprised and that she will just have to make the very best of her local training.
Thanks to everyone who has replied. It has helped enormously to have someone to talk to about it. I really do appreciate everyone's comments.

Is there not any other way to get your DD to the regional training? If she's a sensible 14yo could she use public transport- or could you afford a taxi for her?

Or could you go with her on public transport if it's the driving you can't do?

People suck. I don't get it tbh. I would have been delighted for my DD to have someone she knows to train alongside. Instead they could help but choose not to, preferring to kick to the kerb/sabotage so that their kid can what? be best in the county? So sorry lovey. Competitive twunts so they are.

@reefedsail thank you for the suggestion but unfortunately there really isn't another way. We live in a semi rural area with limited public transport. I did look into it but she would have to go direct from school and it would be midnight before she got home as the bus and train times don't link up very well. Plus there is bulky equipment for her to carry. That's not something I would be willing to let her do alone and in my current state of health it would be too much for me too. I also have other children at home to consider. It is over 80 miles each way so the cost of a taxi would be prohibitive, even if we could find a company willing to do it.
We are pretty much resigned to the situation now. I might ask the organisers if she can just go to the sessions that her big sister could drive her to when she is home in the university holidays. Normally you have to commit to the whole programme but you never know, they might be willing to make an exception in view of my health and the fact that I've done a lot of voluntary work for the sport until recently. There's nothing to lose by asking anyway. If they say no she is no worse off than currently.
I've stopped feeling angry but I am sad. I am very proud of how DD is handling it though.

I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, the same thing happened to me as well and I couldn't understand it as their dd was actually better than mine so no need to be all secretive. I would def contact the organisers. You never know there may be someone else coming from your direction.It won't help now but they will realise how stupid they are being eventually.. There will be many other girls out there to compete with.Are they seriously going to try and sabotage them all .

Good luck to your dd. Her talent will come through even if she can't make the regional training

Sorry everyone, I know I should just let this go, and I thought I had, but out of the blue the other mother has messaged me - to tell me how much her DD enjoyed the first session. There were so many talented children there and it was so good for her to be in that environment surrounded by excellence. It is so much better than our club training.
Who does that? What sort of a reply are you supposed to give in such a situation?
I was honest and said that I was glad that her DD had a good time but was sad that mine was unable to go. She didn't reply. And now I am all upset again and I can't sleep. I think I preferred the secrecy to her blatantly rubbing our noses in it. People are basically shit aren't they?

Holy shit I can’t believe she did that to you!! Who says that?? Who does that in the first place? Sorry OP

Feel sorry for her daughter OP. How awful to have a parent like that.

You sound like a generous and gracious parent and that poor kid has a downright nasty one. What is that poor kids home life like?

Noone who is happy does that to another.

I have kids who play sport, one of them almost Olympic level and really. I can be gobsmacked by other parents. There is always one who try's to drag your kid down.

Honestly let it go. Don't reply and just feel sad for the kid.

@HeartsTrumpsDiamonds and @TheGodmother thank you so much for replying. I was just letting off steam really, I didn't expect any responses especially at this time of night, but it is so lovely to get support.
My DH is currently working away from home so I have no-one to talk to about it.
I was absolutely shocked by the message. What was the point in doing that? Have I done something without realising it that has made her want to hurt me and DD....I honestly can't think why she would do that. I thought we were friends.
Ah well, it is club training tomorrow . A very nice family will be taking my DD and she will have fun even if she isn't "surrounded by excellence". She will be surrounded by kindness though, which will do her more good in the long term.