October Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

Welcome to the thread for October, which is open to ANYONE who wants to discuss music lessons, practice, exams, auditions, instrument hire/ purchase or whatever related issues you'd like to. Newbies are especially welcome, and we have some each month, often with beginners. All of our kids were beginners once.

I have two DDs. Goo is 12 and plays the flute and piano. She can also play recorders and the piccolo, but doesn't. We've just moved her to another piano teacher because the first one retired, so it's nice to hear her practising again. She has been learning for about 2.5 years and hasn't done any exams... nor is she intending to. On the flute we have extended range scales, the Chaminade Concertino and Bizet's Carmen Fantasy at the moment. She plays in 7 school ensembles and does NCO and South West Music School, although she's likely to be leaving both at various points during this academic year.

Rara is 10 and plays the cello and clarinet regularly, and recorder sometimes. She's vaguely working towards Grade 5 on both, but it might end up being 4 on the cello because of various aspects she's behind in... we'll see. I am still teaching her the clarinet and am currently super fed up because however kind, patient and helpful I am, she behaves in such a horrible way. We can't afford lessons. Ho hum. Rara also does NCO and SWMS. Under 11s will be beyond her, but she'll carry on with SWMS for now.

I am a teacher of woodwind!

Taking my hat off to you all juggling work and ferrying kids about.
Seriously, how do you do it though.
I remember taking dd to so many groups, lessons, ensembles we were never in. It must be so hard ito logistics if you work too.

I work school hours (in a school) which helps massively! I've only worked for the last six years though. Organisation is the key, specially for evenings where tea is in the car between groups. There was a lot of juggling though. Much easier now with only DS2 at home!

First post on this month's thread. I have DS2, Y11. Trombone, piano and organ. Also ex chorister still singing in the Cathedral choir. Ever diminishing number of local groups and school groups as they keep disappearing.

Grade 8 piano this term, after which piano will be relegated to third, rather than first instrument. GCSE performances have been reecorded so hopefully that's out of the wat, plus one of the compositions.

Thanks for the friendly welcome on the September thread - just been so busy and didn't get around to thanking people. I looked up the non residential courses recommended and will certainly keep looking on the website to see what comes up.

Thank you for the warm welcome! Some of you have such busy lives. As DD is only 7 and a total beginner we only have the lesson a week in school and getting her to play a bit at home to contend with so far. Although she is hoping to be able to join the junior school orchestra; she has to be invited and I have no idea how much she needs to be able to play but I don't think it is terribly hard to get in so hopefully by the end of Year 3.

Sorry in advance for offloading, but I am feeling really fed up today.
Our family life just isn't working at the moment and nothing we try seems to help.
DD has ADHD and is going through a particularly awful phase - a combination of her condition and hormones ( she's about to turn 15).
Because of their various extra curricular activities, both she and DS have had late returns from school every night this week. This alone makes trying to fit in homework, cello/piano/singing/ theory practice extremely difficult, but add DD's endless meltdowns and her need for constant supervision, and it's become impossible.
DD's school say her year group should be working for 2.5 hours a night and 6 hours a day at weekends. DS is meant to be taking grade 6 theory and grade 2 piano next month, and he did have a NCO audition booked for the end of this month, but he just can't juggle it all.
Add to this the fact that this morning, his school mini bus driver told him there was no room for his cello ( we rely on the minibus, otherwise it's 1.5 hour round trip for us to drive)...I'm ready to give up.
My sister started chemo 2 weeks ago and has had such a bad reaction that they've had to delay the 2nd round.

I completely lost it last night and started ranting at both DCs for their seeming inability and lack of motivation to do anything for themselves...I mean, really wanted and said some awful things.

I don't know what to do for the best any more. DS needs to be working harder in school ( he's had a whole bunch of negatives for not doing well enough in tests, forgetting books etc) and needs to sort out a practice schedule BUT he also needs downtime.
DD needs to help herself by taking on board strategies to help organise herself and her work, and by thinking about the effect her behaviour is having on those around her BUT she also needs teacher/ parent support and her self confidence boosting.
Even with DH and I both on hand, it feels impossible, and DH is about to go on tour, so all of the weekend and after school stuff will be down to me.

I'm sorry for the self pitying rant but I'm on my knees with it all.

floot. Don’t have many words of wisdom other than to say it’s ok to have a bad day. This school term is always tough, let alone without the added family worries you are carrying.

I think schools’ messaging from Y10 onwards is such a leap re hours needed for study, impact of lack of sleep etc and hits them hard and they can go into a panic. Especially with more on their plate like yours.

Hang in there. And give yourself a break too, you can only fix so much and not everything’s in your control, making you feel worse.

I can sympathise Flootfoot - 15 seems to be a horrible age in a lot cases. Been through it once and was not a lot of fun and now on round 2 with similar patterns of behaviour at times. It does get better. We have also lost it at times and said horrible things. I suspect most parents of teenage children have at some time.

Schedule wise just ease up on the music and anything else you can. In the bigger picture it doesn't matter if a grade is done one or two terms later and NCO while great is irrelevant if becoming a chore. Our DD even gave up piano for a year and came back to it. Unless going to be a professional pianist/musician it really doesn't matter.

Unless going to be a professional pianist/musician it really doesn't matter

Totally agree with Herts

Thank you, Ealing and Herts.
I am so exhausted today from it all that I slept right through the alarm and beyond - I didn't wake up until after they'd gone for their buses; DH got them up and sorted.
Apparently, DD told him that I didn't love her anymore. 😥

Year 10 hasn't been much fun so far, that's for sure. DD is at an all girls' school, so friendship issues are starting to wear their ugly head, and the social side seems to be the primary importance to DD... but she doesn't find that easy either.
She also feels left out because DS is so involved in music, which inevitably requires one of us to attend a concert/lesson etc, so relations between DD and DS are strained too.

I think you're right - I'm going to have to prioritise things and let go of thinking it's all a matter of life and death.

Oh dear, that sounds so stressful. My eldest is not at that stage yet ( plenty of time for YouTube just now) but do they really need to be doing that much homework?? And at the weekend? Sounds horrendous. Thats more hours than they are at school. Maybe some time with DD doing something she likes with you would be a better use of time for her this week. It's an absolute treadmill isn't it?

I'm wondering the same thing, *Horsey". Also, DD qualifies for extra time in exams, so needs extra time in everything she does...which means you could technically add 25% onto those timings for her to be managing the same amount of work as her peers. 😶
She's not actually working anywhere near that, because getting her to do any work at all has become a battle. She is having to work so hard at school that the steam valve is well and truly open once she gets home.

I went back into teaching last September and lasted all of 6 months, finding it wholly incompatible with family life. I ran my own business until recently and found becoming an employee again very difficult - couldn't cope with the lack of flexibility. I packed it in and home schooled ds from Feb half term. This worked well as I was able to combine it with all the domestic duties leaving DW to work without having to think about anything else. Now ds is at boarding school I'm a bit lost, although a return to a 'job' isn't really on the cards due to the amount of time I'd need to take off to ferry him to & from school every few weeks. I do feel for everyone having to juggle home/work/school/music. I've been doing it for 26 years - perhaps I should just enjoy this bit of a break!

littleladssdad

We too had a dabble with H.ed for y4 - y7, it worked well for us.
I too was a teacher, but didn't last very long. My PgCE was post Compulsory so I was mainly college based, but also taught A level.

I'm looking for work atm, not sure what will fit in with dd when she is at home. I know she's plenty old enough to be on her own, but it seems
mean when she is usually at school.

Floot

It does get easier, honestly. I've been there twice before and now the third time, gosh girls do seem harder though, well mine does, even factoring in ds2 has aspergers.
No words of wisdom except to pick your battles, and don't worry about showing you are only human, I think our kids forget this sometimes.
Don't be hard on yourself, maybe they needed to hear you shout out them.
Sorry to her about your sister.

DD's school say her year group should be working for 2.5 hours a night and 6 hours a day at weekends.

That is bonkers, are you in the UK? If it takes that much work to achieve the GCSEs then where are you going to go with them? Inappropriately hard and numerous a levels that require that much work too? It’s not sustainable so what’s the point in starting down that path? I believe in hard work (although prefer physical slog myself these days) but there are limits. ‘Choosing’ secondary schools myself at the moment for dds and this is a question I hadn’t though of (GCSE private study expectations) so thank you for highlighting it.

And agree with previous posters suggesting that something has to slide music wise, he may never play after uni but will always have his sister.

And

Floot that's an awful lot to juggle. 2.5hrs every night and 6 at weekends! And then music on top. I take my hat off to you, it's not surprising you need a good rant. If it's too much - stop, pen to paper and decide what stays and what goes. Something will have to give and as others have said yours, and your DCs mental health is too important to keep on at that pace. and some is in order

floot . So sorry you had such a rough day and I’m so sorry to hear your sister is ill. You all sound exhausted.

My DS1 also has SEN, and I understand the additional hours of supervision required. It is homework for you too.

In the long run, it doesn’t matter if DD does 10 GCSEs or 8 or if your DS (who is still very young) takes his piano/theory exam this term or next. Go easy on yourself and try to think about what you really need to do over the next few weeks and what you could drop or postpone to make things easier. Take care xx

Oh Floot, that sounds so stressful. I have no wise word to give you but and to you...

Sometimes I wonder if children always had to work this hard or it's just insane trend...? The amount of home study expected for Y10 is just unbelievable or I just don't know the reality yet (as mine is still young so no experience yet)?? I wonder what those young people gain from working and stretching so hard constantly. I mean, working hard is good, but I feel it's constant demand from very young age that actually leave them no time to think what they want from their life and think for others, the world we live, etc. We need to breathe and think between hard work. But it seems you just have to keep working and working as everyone does so.

Floot
I totally sympathise Ds is far too busy most of the time he manages ok but I have to keep it all in my head to make sure that he prioritises what he needs to . So far he’s keeping up - but he hasn’t had any tests yet and that will be the issue though I think ds will choose music over test results ( not sure that school will like that but they can’t do everything )
Have you been into school to talk about the homework issues , especially the organisation and time factors ? I used to work in SEN and we spent a lot of time working with students ( and schools) around homework issues - I’m sure you have but just a thought .
Secondary education seems to be a relentless treadmill at present and I am of the belief that we have to look after our dcs mental health first , and if that means less homework and lower grades then so be it

I also used to be a teacher but realised years ago that I didn’t want to miss out on my own children growing up , I now work in early years on very reduced hours. in some ways I would love to get back into the classroom but I would never manage that and ds as well as being fair to his sister

💐and 🍰to floot it sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment. We have a similar situation with SEN in one of our DSs, it really does cause a relentless strain on the whole family.. sometimes things just have to give, we always take the music exams etc. quite steady as the last thing we need is more stress! It means on paper our DC might not be as far on as they could be but that’s just the way things are, everyone’s circumstances are different.

Floot oh my goodness, I must say that advice from school is just plain unhealthy. I really feel for those doing GCSE work, having been bombarded with emails from school about revision sessions.

Sneaks in nosebleed boy has his first audition in under 3 weeks sneaks out again.

At least it's in half term, and ISN'T at his first choice, so although it is high stakes it could be higher, IYSWIM.

Oh, and that expectation of work in Y10 is BARMY.

It would be regarded as overkill in DD's school for Y11 - we were reminded that this is a marathon not a sprint just at the beginning of this term - so for y10 it is definitely too much.

DD dances a couple of hours a night during the week, so expecting 2.5 hours of work as well would just mean she never slept or ate...