October Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

Welcome to the thread for October, which is open to ANYONE who wants to discuss music lessons, practice, exams, auditions, instrument hire/ purchase or whatever related issues you'd like to. Newbies are especially welcome, and we have some each month, often with beginners. All of our kids were beginners once.

I have two DDs. Goo is 12 and plays the flute and piano. She can also play recorders and the piccolo, but doesn't. We've just moved her to another piano teacher because the first one retired, so it's nice to hear her practising again. She has been learning for about 2.5 years and hasn't done any exams... nor is she intending to. On the flute we have extended range scales, the Chaminade Concertino and Bizet's Carmen Fantasy at the moment. She plays in 7 school ensembles and does NCO and South West Music School, although she's likely to be leaving both at various points during this academic year.

Rara is 10 and plays the cello and clarinet regularly, and recorder sometimes. She's vaguely working towards Grade 5 on both, but it might end up being 4 on the cello because of various aspects she's behind in... we'll see. I am still teaching her the clarinet and am currently super fed up because however kind, patient and helpful I am, she behaves in such a horrible way. We can't afford lessons. Ho hum. Rara also does NCO and SWMS. Under 11s will be beyond her, but she'll carry on with SWMS for now.

I am a teacher of woodwind!

I really sympathise... dd had a much loved violin teacher leave in the summer. A new teacher was assigned. The first three lessons were a nightmare, but dd is finally deciding to work with her. If this one left I dread to think what would happen. Dd is also very "change averse ".

Oh no crazy hope you get it sorted soon , you could always put the exam off if need be
Patrick I am a worrier too , wise advice here from others it’s a massive adjustment for you all but I’m sure you’ll figure out the right place for your ds to be . It’s very difficult to know what that is sometimes especially when everyone else seems to be doing something different /more , but like others have said there’s more than one path that could ultimately lead to the end goal of being a musician if that’s what your ds still wants when he’s older . Being where he is currently will certainly give him that choice I’m sure .
Hope all the upcoming solo performances go well

I'm very sorry for having such stress, crazy. But actually I thought the same as druid that having a new input at this stage may not be as bad as it may look. But you mentioned your mini is uneasy with changes so I know it's worrying...

Trumpet and druid, thanks for your kind words. Last night I took DS home (we are allowed to take him home mid-week till half term) and as always we chatted about our days in a car. He was well aware of what others were up to, more than I was, because kids talk and exchange info. He seemed to purely admire those who were committed at a scary level and told me about them as if he was telling me some news he found on the newspaper. It seemed to be a separate thing for him from what he's doing so he wasn't intimidated nor overwhelmed. He then told me what he did and what the teacher said to him quite proudly - he's been doing well actually in his own pace and he knew and was happy about it. That's when he told me he performed at school already. Apparently he loved it rather than feeling jittery. He also told me how tired he was and yawned quite a lot during the journey. He said school day was so long and so many things to do (he had to book an accompanist, get signatures from all kind of people and arrange the rehearsals with the accompanist prior to the performance - I didn't know). At this point I really realised what he would need most was a rest and support to help him get through a day, end of.

Patrick

Oh my love it's a shock I know. He will do lots of things that you won't have a clue about until after the event.
The days are long, it's bootcamp for musicians. They are absolutely knackered atm, from what I hear.
I remember feeling the exact way as your newspaper analogy, you hit the nail on the head.
It's otherworldly to us now, my dh calls school "The child catchers" sorry It's Hogwarts and they are becoming musicians, another breed.
Do you have concerts when you collect for half term, with them having a music course the previous week.
We see the concert and take her home, this time she's in 3 or maybe 4 ensembles 2 of them her own, which she forgot to tell me.
I'm waiting for a call, she got 40% in her maths test so happy.
He will be fit for nothing for the first few days of the holiday, just let him sleep is my advice and stock up with junk food, and all his favourite food as he'll have gained a huge appetite.
I know one child who really did grow a foot between starting a term and going home, an international student

DD has had yet another performance assessment where the comments are that she plays well, all boxes ticked but please more expression, interpretation, performance. I feel like she’s a promising sportsperson mid season on strictly who gets sent to primal scream therapy or clown school and then has a break through Charleston. Unfortunately I think all she needs is practise time to really dig into her pieces and time to go to more live music and time to listen to music. Time basically!

It’s difficult with all her commitments Swaying- I think she’s doing great with her limited time

Just to clarify... I didn't get worried because I thought DS was doing much less or wasn't doing the same thing as others, but I got worried because of the uncertainty of DS's dream, and simply I thought we may have sent him to a place where he shouldn't have been (by hearing how much work others were willing to do). I think it would be actually easier for me in some way if he told me he would want to be a musician or nothing, then I could relax knowing he was in a good place to pursue the dream, but I haven't heard the declaration yet. Some DCs know what they want from a very young age, but mine is not like that. He just thinks and lives very much present. We ended up sending him this supposed to be a great place purely for his CURRENT passion. So I constantly look for any sign of his changed mind/interest, trying not to be too late to get back to regular system. But then I remember someone on this thread said her son who was a few years older than DS had just started seeing future so I just have to be a bit more patient and wait what he'll turn into.

Romany, DS has got a solo slot in an hour concert among other 4 or so solo participants. That's all. As long as I know it's not the end of half term concert and I don't think they have one really. They seem to enter the holiday rather very quietly.

What a stressful time Crazy. We hate changing teachers the most. Especially the new teacher usually takes some time to get to know the new student however there is a chance that your daughter might prefer the new one and progress better. Fingers crossed!!

Secondary especially yr7 is a massive leap(and even sport mad and such busy child like miniPatrick, its overwhelming, no doubt). They are intimidated because they are the youngest in the school too. I am comparing our little reception baby and our “not so little” yr6 who go to the same school. Small thing like I cant imagine how can they cope with so little sleep. Mine need someone who shakes her up at 7.30 and her eyes drop at 9.30. How can she cope with next year. But then I think they will learn from their friend, adapt to the change. We just need to feed and care, rest will be up to the school and “nature”. Little musician needs time most, time to practise. They are the busiest. Mine has been practising every evening when I got home. I cant wait to hear both this weekend.

I agree secondary school is a massive leap. I drive by kids waiting for a bus at around 7 am, carrying multiple bags. Some kids are still really tiny and they look so sleepy. It's totally a new world for them, travelling, carrying things and dealing with the long day. It's tough for anyone started new school boarding or non-boarding. Many of my friends' DCs go to fairly local school yet they are so exhausted by the dinner time. Quite a lot have stopped after school activities.

I think DS's tiredness is definitely due to the lack of sleep. He used to sleep from 9 - 9.30 pm till 7.30 am - 8 am , but now he sleeps 9.30 pm - 10.30 pm and woke up 6.20 am - 6.45 am...

I do get the worrying thing patrick, I do the same about decisions big and small. Your DS sounds like he has his head screwed on though. I think there's a lot to be said for choosing the thing that will make you happy right now generally. It's all you can know for sure. I think generally when kids say what they want to do in the future they're mostly telling you what they enjoy right now anyway. Know I didn't have a clue.

It's years till any other doors shut. I say worry about whether he's happy now if you must worry, have a couple of years' break from worrying about the future. You have - or rather DS has - chosen a path to try out, now give it a fair shot. If he explores music for a few years and then decides he does or doesn't want to pursue it, he'll be doing so from a much better informed position and with the amazing study skills that come from studying anything at a high level.

there's a lot to be said for choosing the thing that will make you happy right now generally. It's all you can know for sure.

worry about whether he's happy now if you must worry

DS has chosen a path to try out, now give it a fair shot

Gems of wisdom. All you said were such killer to my heart. Thank you very much for understanding my worries and giving me great advice like this.

And hopefully (?) because they are there for music you don’t get too many situations like ds is currently in ( I knew I had spoken too soon) with all the teachers at school only interested in their subjects and ds doing well in these !! So as well as his NCO audition on Saturday which means a trip away as it’s some distance from us he has 4 tests next week he discovered yesterday BUT little time to revise because he’s away on a history trip till Wednesday night . Think 36 hour tour with little sleep . Poor boy he was distraught last night - but somehow found the energy to get on with it . He fears detentions etc if he does badly so I’ve written to school basically explaining that I don’t expect this to happen as he really is trying his best . He has been doing so well at juggling it all . Then he realised that he wouldn’t have time to recover as to fit in all of his music he’s away all week at half term !! Time for a deep breath and a serious chat with school I think . I’m not sure he should have to be faced with this for 3 years .
Rant over

I hope so he has a new form tutor who he likes ( he’s never in form time though - she lets him do music everyday !!) and his head of year is great , agrees that he needs supporting and knows he tries etc . It’s the other teachers - they do know and are told ( by the lovely head of year ) but then somehow forget when it comes to assessments as it’s what the teachers are measured on !?! He’ll be fine I’m sure but I think he's worried because he was moved down a science set at the start of the year for one slightly less than stellar exam result ( he still got 80+%!!) When I spoke to head of science he implied that he needed to work harder I pointed out that just before the exam he had sat his grade 5 jazz exam and had driven back to school specifically to sit it . He didn’t have much to say to that , but wouldn’t back down it’s just the culture of the school unfortunately but really silly timing to make them do tests when many of them are away on this trip - none of them are going to revise !!

Oh and crazy I sometimes forget how little your dd is - hope she gets on ok with her new piano teacher . It’s so tricky I had to find a new one for ds at the start of term I was so worried about it and how they would get on - she’s very different to his old teacher - but amazing too and he loves her lessons !! Hopefully your dd will get another good fit .

Oh, Trumpet, your poor boy. It's so tough when you have a child who is an all-rounder, and teachers don't always see the bigger picture. I can foresee the same happening with DS. He has been asked to play in so many ensembles and various concerts that he 's having to revise on the bus. It's just about doable because he's only year 8 but he's still had a load of negatives issued for not meeting his challenge grades (hmmmm....I thought challenge grades were meant to be exactly that - challenging).

A teacher on the secondary ed. forum often posts that she's not interested in hearing that a pupil hasn't managed decent homework because they've been busy with extra curricular activities, because she believes the whole point of doing extra curricular activities is to be able to show that you can juggle and manage everything well.
I don't agree! There are only so many hours in the day and prioritising what's important (to our DC, if not to their subject teachers) is just as much a skill. Not all children are interested in an academic life (not saying your DS isn't, but my DD's future is unlikely to be at an RG uni), so perusing other interests alongside school is vital.

I hope your DS does really well in his NCO audition and enjoys his trip. Anything else is a bonus IMO. ☺

Ah Trumpet I am hope it works out; dd’s School is selective but claims to want rounded kids - but equally academics will always come first for the teachers there whatever the rhetoric. I understand their viewpoint but dd is def putting academics first right now as the handing out of punishments for any poor tests etc is not something she would cope with.

trumpet; so relatable. Such an extensively used term now resilience but when it all piles up in one condensed period, it is so tough to watch them trying to power through. But your DS will...

...and I am glad I am not the only one with a DC that fears detentions!

Thank you for your kind encouraging words everyone he’s chirpy today and at least he will feel the pressures off a bit once the audition is over. For ds it’s all about the music really but doing enough to make sure he keeps his options open . He had some very challenging targets too - which also worried him yesterday I think . I don’t think he should - he can only do what he can do and i agree his priorities are his and don’t need to align with school’s - I have said that for ds we might all have to settle for slightly lower grades ( it’s not like he’s at risk of not getting 5s) because he has a very definite path that he wishes to follow and I think we need to give him time to see if it’s the right one - not sure that they agree though

I am sorry Trumpet, it is very difficult explaining the full picture to someone who doesn't get it. I have a story, of course I do because I imagine most of us have by the time we've escaped school.

I thought we'd booked a music exam in a good time well before mock GCSEs only to find at the last minute that it was the same week as a language speaking assessment. He'd been working for it since January, ramping up to a 90 minute music lesson weekly, several sessions with the accompanist - all I was asking for at this late stage was to leave school one hour early on one day. A GCSE is a level 2 qualification, he was taking a level 4 but there was no doubt which they considered to be the more important.

What I told my distraught DS then was to consider which thing would mean more to him in two years time, what would contribute more to a uni interview and fit into his personal statement. As Floottoot said, it's about prioritisig what is most important and the school's priorities can be different. What I told school was that if it was a problem it could easily be resolved by dropping the MFL right now and what would they like me to sign? (it was then not so much of a problem)

I did not have a rounded child, I had a child that was really good at one thing. That didn't seem to help matters either.