September 2018 Music Thread

[folkmamma]

Hi all! Our lovely host Waffle is away at the moment and has asked me to start this months thread.

Here is a place for us to share stories, ask for advice, and generally support one another through our DCs (and in some cases our own!) musical journeys. All are very welcome, from the early beginners to the very advanced. Some people have been regular contributors for years, but we also have a lot of newcomers and love welcoming new contributors to the MN Music Thread team. I became aware of this group about 9 months ago via the NCO 2018 thread and I now spend more time here than on Facebook... .

Over here, I have Noo, just turned 11, violinist, violist and pianist. She is playing at aroud G7 standard on violin (first study) and is starting JD this month, eek!. Noo is also an associate member of NCO and this year joined the Pro Corda ensemble training programme, which she loves above all else! She is also very into musical theatre and regularly performs in professional and semi-professional shows - it is a challenge to juggle it all, but somehow we do. This month is a biggie for Noo as she starts secondary school as well as JD.

DD2 is Moll. 8yrs old and plays cello and piano. She is a very different kettle of fish to big sister - every bit as able, but some self esteem issues, together with a slightly quirky personality, mean her journey is not often quite so smooth (and mine completely turbulent!). Working towards G3 cello this term (although she doesn’t know it yet) and will go for a consultation at Noo’s JD sometime this term also.

I’m sure Waffle will drop in to update us on Goo, Rara and her own musical self once she gets back from holibobs.

Good luck to everyone with back to school, changes in school, new routines and audition prep! I predict September will be a busy month on the thread!

Over to you....

Patrick

druid - I had coffee this week with a local mum who has chosen to send her DS to a fee-paying school. She made this choice partly because her DS was badly bullied at the local primary, he has had a terrible time with an alcohol-abusing (now absent) dad and he is receiving counselling - not that there has to be a 'reason' iyswim. She has said she will be sacrificing holidays and other things for the next 5 years to send him there, it's a small school and they have an excellent pastoral care programme. She described to me how other parents we know have stopped speaking to her because of the choice she has made and the fact that she has not opted for the local state school. It's bonkers.

patrick

I've never met a "normal" musician yet, they really aren't normal.
I had both of those comments but not from the same person, just ignore her.
Perhaps the first part of the conversation she was meaning well, I know those who said similar to me were.
In some respects I think she was right, I wouldn't have thought dd would have been confident to say she liked Opera in our state secondaries. Primary was great but I know she'd have been bullied senseless at school and would have been completely out of place.
The rest of her rubbish I can't defend.

💐 to Patricks it’s really not her business ... maybe she is worried about her own choices and therefore critical of yours although that is really no excuse. Hope you enjoy your weekend with your DS.
News here is that we have a happy ( and noisy) DD as her flute is repaired ... calm is restored to the household! Time to relax 🍷

Patricks I moved my DD to specialist music school in year 5 at least partly due to not fitting in so well at mainstream school, roll on to year 8 and we have the opposite situation potentially. But may be looking for a place at 'normal' school in year 9 and not hugely stressed about where she goes...my book club members are shocked (we live in very hyped school only, super competitive area)!

'grammar schol only'

But you have to practise, with miniPatrick passion and at his level, he must spend time practising, I wish mine could be the same, I wish mine practised. I have opposite problem that I am always worried that I dont do enough and people thinks I dont take care of my children. I do slip many times(not knowing what day is home work, hardly ever present in any of her music lesson, many weeks a year I dont see my children at all during the week especially busy season). Its normal where I come from that women are working and usually earn more than men(its unusual for us women staying at home). Dont worry Patrick, every family is different and is their own business, someone outside can easily judge and they can do it, its life. Whether we care/concern about what they think is our choice.

@Folk: how has the practice been today? I only printed your note today as it has been crazy at work. I will ask her starting using it from this weekend. Thank you xx

Does anyone know whether you can buy answers for this theory revision book?

Oh green no-one that reads your posts could possibly think you anything but a super dedicated mum. I too struggle sometimes with balancing work commitments (especially travel) and looking after the boys. DH does a lot all the time (not just when I’m away), but he can’t supervise music practice! I’m sure many on this thread are in the same boat.

Sometimes i think there are people who just enjoy judging others, like some form of one-upmanship. Othertimes i think it's to do with their own insecurity. And then of course there are those people who simple can't see anything from another perspective so sit there thinking 'the parents must be presurising that kid, my 'little billy' would never choose to do that'.
I've given up worrying what people think, i've got too much other stuff taking up brain space
Music wise the kids all seem happy and balanced (for now). Dd2 confused me rather marching round the house clapping and claiming she was practising flute, but it turned out her teacher har given her some rhythm exercises - three claps for every four stamps and vice versa. I did point out i would have been less confused if she had said she was doing her homework from 'flute teacher' rather than saying she was practising flute but the distinction was clearly lost on her

Nosebleed Boy's UCAS Conservatoire application has left the building. It's a long shot, so here comes the rollercoaster ride...

Good luck nosebleed boy !!

How exciting cant!! I’ve got everything crossed for him...

to Patrick. Receiving harsh judgement is always tricky, but it sounds to me like everything you do is totally focused on what is best for DS, and therefore he’s getting the perfect education/life for him. Some people just can’t accept that some children are different!

And green - I’ve never been in my DCs’ music lessons, I didn’t know you’d even be allowed! (They have theirs in school). I haven’t sat in DD2’s dance classes since she was about 6, and I don’t always manage to attend DD1’s matches and competitions. But I attend when I can, and I make sure they know I love and support them in all their crazy endeavours! I can’t believe anyone could think you don’t do enough - just from your posts on here it’s clear how much you care.

Meanwhile in Tabbyhouse:
DD1 has started preparing for grade 5 theory, which she’s taking in November. She’s very lucky to have DD2 and our family friend here who can help her any time she has a question!
DD2 is totally independently preparing for clarinet grade 5 in autumn, having only had 10 months of lessons over a year ago now... we’ll see how it goes. I’ll be immensely proud of her if she even passes
DD3 wants to start piano as well as violin but I don’t want her enthusiasm to burn out so I’ve said she can start proper lessons after Christmas, and in the meantime older DDs/our family friend have been teaching her little bits.
Family friend’s, who I’m going to refer to as HD (honourary daughter, which she technically is for the next nine months!) GCSE revision is in full swing but she still picks up her instruments now and again and is a beautiful player.

And lastly DS1 has gone back to his conservatoire, while DDs 4+5 are... crazy as ever!

She asked me how DS was doing at new school so I said he was fine and happy. Then she started telling me that she knew it was a good decision for us to send him there and she was so pleased to hear DS was FINALLY happy. She continued how different DS was from NORMAL BOYS FOR HIS AGE and he would have been BULLIED BADLY if he had gone to a normal school. She said NO ONE would get him at a normal school because of DS's UNUSUAL musical involvement/commitment...

Wow. My DS was always "different" from other boys, at primary and middle school. A bit geeky, was not interested in the same things as other kids (from a very young age he preferred programming and physics to football), didn't seem to "get" other children of his age. All that changed in (equivalent) Y10 when he started to become more sociable and he's now at senior high school and is apparently quite popular. And this is despite the fact that all his friends know he plays piano - when they come round he invariably plays them some Chopin or Debussy lol.

In summary: this woman sounds like a bit of a nutter. Smile politely and move on. I think it sounds like your DS is in the right place for now and if at any point he wants to return to a normal school why couldn't he? He sounds very bright and I'm sure he'll do well academically wherever he is.

@Greenleave practice has been ok, thanks for asking. Noo had a migraine Thursday so we took it easy, but she did pluck up some enthusiasm to try another 3/4 violin, which we think is 'The One' - just need teacher's approval in her lesson today 🤞🏻

We are on a train to London for week 2 of JD. All much more relaxed today, and I was organised enough to pack loads of food and a big flask of tea!!!! Looking forward to the day ahead...

And as for @PatricksViolin's 'friend', I agree with others. Nutter. I'm still confused as to whether she was agreeing he's in the best place or critical of you for sending him there! Take no notice, you've agonised over the decision and are keeping an open mind about the future. That's absolutely the best you can do.

Good luck to Nosebleed Boy, I'm sure he will be snapped up soon!!

Green hope your first weekend of charting is a success! Let us know!

Patrick, just sending sympathy. I was told by DS's then headteacher when he was 6 that if I moved him from that school it was unlikely that he would ever attend a mainstream school again and I should be looking at Special School placements.

Turned out that his selective mutism and significant ASD traits were due to school-induced anxiety due to the chaotic nature of his classroom in her school. It still enrages me enough that I would LOVE to send said headteacher his school UCAS reference.

I suppose what I am saying is that something can hurt you deeply when it is said but be ENTIRELY wrong.

Patrick you've had good advice on here. Just wanted to add that there is no such thing as 'normal' and the woman was talking complete nonsense, as you know. Of course he could go back to mainstream school later if he wants to. Or a different private school. It's not her business to judge. Also she should stop assuming all boys want to do sport - mine don't. I wish they would, but I can't make them!
Among my friends, some of us use the local comp, some travel to a grammar, some go to catholic school and one or two go private.

Sorry, meant to add that we respect each others' choices, which is how it should be!

Good luck to Nosebleed Boy!

DD2 is currently at her school open morning in the music department. She has to do a performance (which she isn’t looking forward to!) and spend time practicing. As she’s there for 3 hours she’s taken all her bassoon music to do sight reading etc, her guitar and her piano music (following her first lesson yesterday). Hoping she’ll make good use of the time

Talking of unhelpful comments, when DD1 was 6, her class teacher used to get really frustrated with her as dd was quite a perfectionist and kept asking how to spell things and (still) learns best when doing something with her hands, so didn’t always look like she was listening. Teacher told us that dd should just have a go at spelling as she didn’t have time to tell her. I pointed out that you only had to tell her once and then it would be correct. She also hinted pretty heavily that she thought we should go to parenting lessons! Ignorant woman! It really knocked DD1’s confidence at the time.

Thanks all for the kind advice, sympathy and taking time to share your thoughts. Like Loose said, I don't also believe there is such thing as 'normal'. Everybody is different anyway.

I'm usually good at ignoring noises when the intention is coming from too much negatives. But I just stupidly let myself effected in a wrong way on this little occasion... As older posters may know my DS was a sport mad before and her DS and mine were used to be footy mates. So basically DS was her idea of how boys should be before. DS was also not a geeky type and didn't have any social awkwardness at primary school. He didn't go to school and talked about Mozart nor complained he couldn't talk about music at school as he also had plenty interests similar to others. However just because of our choice of his school, suddenly she sounded like she decided to categorize DS in a strange box. She used to call hers and mine 'our boys' but no more. So I was a bit surprised and felt uncomfortable, I think.

But I'm ok now. Thanks to all your kind sharing, I feel like I can laugh at how down I felt yesterday. I know her comment was innocent and probably she doesn't even remember what she said to me already. So it's silly of me still feeling effected!

If DD gets into the secondary school she wants, she has the opportunity to learn an instrument at £25 per term. She'd like to learn piano. Can you still learn piano if you can't practise at home? We wouldn't have anywhere to put one.

Those of us who are autistic think that we're the normal ones, and everyone else is odd. Just sayin'.