September 2018 Music Thread

[folkmamma]

Hi all! Our lovely host Waffle is away at the moment and has asked me to start this months thread.

Here is a place for us to share stories, ask for advice, and generally support one another through our DCs (and in some cases our own!) musical journeys. All are very welcome, from the early beginners to the very advanced. Some people have been regular contributors for years, but we also have a lot of newcomers and love welcoming new contributors to the MN Music Thread team. I became aware of this group about 9 months ago via the NCO 2018 thread and I now spend more time here than on Facebook... .

Over here, I have Noo, just turned 11, violinist, violist and pianist. She is playing at aroud G7 standard on violin (first study) and is starting JD this month, eek!. Noo is also an associate member of NCO and this year joined the Pro Corda ensemble training programme, which she loves above all else! She is also very into musical theatre and regularly performs in professional and semi-professional shows - it is a challenge to juggle it all, but somehow we do. This month is a biggie for Noo as she starts secondary school as well as JD.

DD2 is Moll. 8yrs old and plays cello and piano. She is a very different kettle of fish to big sister - every bit as able, but some self esteem issues, together with a slightly quirky personality, mean her journey is not often quite so smooth (and mine completely turbulent!). Working towards G3 cello this term (although she doesn’t know it yet) and will go for a consultation at Noo’s JD sometime this term also.

I’m sure Waffle will drop in to update us on Goo, Rara and her own musical self once she gets back from holibobs.

Good luck to everyone with back to school, changes in school, new routines and audition prep! I predict September will be a busy month on the thread!

Over to you....

Fantastic news for nosebleed boy!!!! When does he start??

@PatricksViolin we are doing the double - violin and bow together! Wish me luck 😆

Wow, folk! Best of luck!!

That reminded me about DS's violin. I forgot to ask him how he is feeling about it. If he prefers the loan one we can swap. But we probably have to pay ££ for the balance. It' s the same value as his. But I completely forgot that we got his for a good price for several reasons. The situation has changed so I don't think we can get the same discount. Hope he still prefers his....

cantkeepaway that's brilliant news!

Congratulations to your ds Can't!!

Came home from work yesterday to find DS1 lying on the sofa, exhausted by the start of A levels, settling in to a new 6th form and a double music lesson. He plans to talk to the music teacher today about which bands he can join. At least his new school has an hour for lunch so hopefully they can fit something in then!

Well done to Nosebleed Boy!

Glad you're having a slightly easier time, Folk. Funnily enough, DS was better yesterday too, even though he's under par, health-wise, with the usual start of term germs. Perhaps he just didn't have the energy to fight??

I've had a frustrating start to the ( music) teaching year. Not sure if anyone remembers from a previous thread, but I have been teaching a flute pupil for a couple of years, whose mother forced me to enter her for grade 5 last year against my better judgement, whilst refusing to increase lesson times to 45 minutes. The pupil got a fixed brace, top and bottom at the start of the summer, which had a huge effect on her tone, so I had a long chat with both the pupil and the mum about using the time between grades to consolidate work, work on technical issues etc, and said that a hiatus at this stage was to be expected.

Fast forward to the start of this term, following no lessons over the summer ( their choice), and the mother immediately started requesting that I teach the grade 6 pieces. I explained once again that we weren't at that point yet, but were working on grade 6 standard pieces and the brace issues. To appease her, I started looking at one of the syllabus pieces last week, and asked the mother to buy one of the syllabus study books, which would also cover grade 7 and 8. She was reluctant, because she only wanted to buy the ABRSM exam book, but again,I explained that I thought there were other pieces that might suit her daughter better, so we'd look at some of those first ( I have a lot of the music already).
I also said that it she wanted to do grade 6 next term, she would need 45 minute lessons after Christmas.

Fast forward to the start of this week, with a lesson booked in for tomorrow, and the mother calls to tell me that an opportunity has come up for the daughter to have lessons at school, so she won't be returning. No apology, no thanks very much ( in the 2 years I've taught her, she's got distinctions in 2 exams, the first distinctions she's had), no offer to even pay for the lesson she'd booked.
I should have known she'd behave like this, as throughout the time I've been teaching her daughter, she's always insisted on things being exactly as she wants them, but it's still upsetting - teaching is such a personal thing, and to have parents that demand the absolute best from you but treat you with so little respect is a bit soul destroying.
I always try to go above and beyond with pupils always giving them extra time, fitting in with their other activities, providing music, not charging for cancelled lessons etc, and I 'd hate to feel I should be less generous because of this experience.

Forgot to say - the reason she gave for leaving was that she didn't want to have to have 45 minutes but she wanted to take grade 6.

very sorry to hear that floot. How discouraging and annoying for you. They were lucky to have someone like you as a teacher, who obviously cares so much. However, it does sound like this mother is going to be nothing but trouble for whoever ends up teaching the daughter.

Have a [tea] and be gentle on yourself today xx

to Floot. But I also feel sorry for the daughter. The mother should realise her daughter is the one who suffers most out of this.

She is putting her daughter on the soul destroying grade treadmill...

Thanks, Taggie and Patrick, I knew you'd understand. I wish all my pupils and parents were as lovely as those on this thread. This particular parent is a school mum from DS's primary school days, so it really does feel personal. She even had the cheek to say, "I don't want this to be an awkward conversation" and that she hoped it wouldn't spoil our relationship ( we don't have one, outside of lessons) - she really didn't feel that she had behaved poorly.
You are right when you say that the next teacher will have the same or different issues. ( I also suspect the mother will notice a difference because I know of the school teacher and she is actually a saxophone teacher, who doesn't teach aural or sightreading, only exam pieces and scales - I have previously been approached by one of her sax pupils to teach these in the run up to exams!)

I'm feeling a bit fragile at the moment anyway, as my sister has recently found out she has cancer and starts chemo any day.
Luckily, I have some new students starting this week, so that's a positive thing.

Foot , but it is nice for dc to have lessons at school though, for me at least a bit less taxidriving for me.
Slowly sorting out music lessons, getting some more books, trying to sort out the books we already have (so that piano/ recorder/e guitar etc don't get all put in one big pile)

Oh Floot! really horrid about your pupil. Her mother is not doing her any favours at all. And as for not waiting longer than 30 min lessons... I would question their commitment tbh. Sounds like you are best off out of there (even if it is hurtful right now that she has treated you this way).

Sorry to hear about your sister too. No wonder you are feeling fragile. Sending much love xxx

Found - we had a very satisfying sort out of the music piles recently. A few magazine racks and a Dymo labelling machine did wonders for my OCD!!!!

Patrick, you are so right! Exam treadmill is spot on!
The saddest part for me is that I could not get this child to talk in lessons, more than, " Fine, thanks" in answer to , "How are you?", "How's your practising been this week?" etc. At nearly 14, she would never, ever ask a question, seek clarification, express an opinion.
She refused to play in public, even in the school music class - her mum said she didn't like the spotlight. I asked her mum why on earth she wanted to do exam after exam, explained that they should only be way markers on the path to learning how to play, and more importantly, how to be a musician - there is nothing worse than passing an exam, only to immediately start learning the next 3 pieces for the next grade; it teaches nothing.
The proof of this in this particular pupil is that she is studying grade 8 on piano but cannot sightread even very basic pieces...because she has learnt everything by rote and doesn't understand musical how or whys, only that "it goes like this".
Of course, she had years and years of piano lessons of that sort before she came to me, so she expected the same and couldn't understand my more "scenic", indepth route.

I don't have any issue with pupils only wishing to learn to play for pleasure, but that doesn't fit with wanting to work towards exams, and in this case, the mother wanted to have her cake and eat it and wasn't prepared to trust my knowledge.

foundoutyet, until last week, I was having to go to their house to teach! And even when we.moved lessons to my house, the mother made sure she arranged it so that the other daughter was having her violin lesson at the same time with a teacher around the corner! 😩

Folk, can you believe that the piano teacher is happy to teach grade 8 in weekly 30 minute lessons, term time only??!!
Thank you for your lovely wishes. It's a stressful time for my family, and I'm feeling wobbly because the cancer she has is one I am 6 times more at risk of getting because of a chronic health condition I have.

Floot that story sounds so familiar with parents pushing for teaching for grades. Almost like a competition for parents. And know somebody just like you describe who can play a few exam pieces to a very high standard but can't sight read very well or tackle new things alone and really struggles in orchestra because underlying musical knowledge is lacking. Such a shame.

flootoot fair enough....not like us then, dropping off dc2 at dancing, drive 35 min to dc3 music lessons, wait 30 min, drive 35 min back again to pick up dc2
folk, yes, thought about magazine racks, but not sure where to put them....floor too full with cases for various instruments, all PE and other sportsbags for 3 dc etc. On top of our piano might be too high for dc3. Windowsill bit too narrow.There is a little table but dc3 oboe and all 6 recorders are on it, and don't want to put them on the floor/windowsill.
So will continue to ponder

Floot it also makes me wonder what the child could achieve with a bit more lesson time and a parent that listens....

oh, and regarding the exam threadmill, not always the parent, it may also be the child! I have one dc who is like that, doesn't play anything else than her exam pieces. But other dc is just opposite, plays loads of pieces and one of many just happen to be exam pieces.

Floot I'm not surprised you're upset - that was a really shoddy thing to do, especially when your advice to the parent was spot on! I can't believe they didn't want 45 minutes at that level and it's a shame for the student. I hope your sister is doing ok

The other perspective I guess if that some parents are really struggling to afford music lessons. Maybe can just afford 30 mins but can't 45 or 1 hour. Maybe limited resources to spend on buying music books so focus on exam books. (One of my pet hates is teacher telling DC to buy 2-3 books when just one piece in each that they end up playing.) Thinking again about somebody I know this might explain the way they behave although in this case they should just be more relaxed about grades.

herts, you make a good point and one I'm always mindful of - I always lend music where possible ( to my detriment: I have a music library full of piano parts missing flute parts) and only ever ask pupils to buy music that will cover at least the current standard and the next step up or stuff that is standard repertoire that they will come back to through their playing years. I also suggest using secondhand book sites, like Abe Books, where you can find lots of used music at very low prices often.
However, in this particular pupil's case, there was no money issue ( big house, both parents in well-paid careers etc), more than they didn't want to pay for longer lessons they felt were unnecessary and didn't want to buy music that wasn't in the exam book. Both issues arose from the mum's insistence on preparing for exams constantly, rather than any demands I made, and as we know, ABRSM entries aren't cheap. In addition, longer weekly lessonsalmost always works out costing the same or less in total than having to have shorter lessons over a longer period of time, when preparing for an exam.

Sorry for yet another post on the subject, but as you can tell, it's something I feel passionately about, after almost 30 years of teaching -

The most important point about my experience with this pupil is that of communication. Parents and teachers alike need to be able to listen as well as talk.
Had my pupil's mother actually spoken to me, rather than gone ahead and found another teacher without any prior warning, I might have felt slightly less put out by the situation. I would never tell a parent I was stopping their lessons with immediate effect, without any kind of discussion first.
The whole teacher/pupil/parent triangle is very finely balanced and relies on trust from all sides.